Louisiana Voice

“You know, I tweeted today. Don’t worry, I’ll give it up after I’m president. We won’t tweet anymore. Not presidential.”

—Donald Trump, April 25, 2016.

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“I wouldn’t go to war with you people. You’re a bunch of dopes and babies.”

—Donald J. Trump, commander-in-chief, aka Gen. Bone Spurs, speaking in The Tank, a fortified room at the Pentagon, to military leaders, including Sec. of Defense Gen. Jim Mattis, July 20, 2017.

“You’re all losers. You don’t know how to win anymore. I want to win. We don’t win any wars anymore.”

—Same Donald J. Trump, same motivational meeting, same date. Bone spurs obviously acting up that day, causing uncharacteristic grumpiness.

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“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”

—Lyndon B. Johnson, 1960.

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I’m part of a little group (usually four to six people) that meets once a month for an extended lunch and to share opinions on just about anything that comes up—from LSU football to the Louisiana Legislature to world events.

The only subject that is probably off the table is the British Royal Family because…well, because none of us really give a flying fig about Harry and Meghan other than what they choose to do with their lives is their business and we should leave ‘em the hell alone.

Being of similar backgrounds, there is rarely any real disagreement among us and one of the strongest points on which most of us concur is the consensus that the Democrats are doing everything in their power to re-elect Donald Trump.

If the rest of America is anything like our little klatch, and I suspect it is, then folks are getting bone-weary of these so-called debates between candidates for the Democratic nomination for President. I mean, how much yaw-yawing is too much? Truth be told, that saturation point was probably reached some time ago.

It makes no sense whatsoever for the Democrats to constantly beat themselves up over who has the best plan for free college tuition or better health care, who supported the Iraqi war, or who took donations at a wine cave while ignoring the elephant in the room in the person of Donald J. Trump.

Did they not learn a thing from four years ago when a gaggle of Republicans made the same mistake, thereby leaving the door open for Trump, who was savvy enough to press all the hot buttons of his minority base? By the time they realized their mistake, it was too late.

While the other candidates were squabbling like a barnyard full of dominecker chickens, Trump was telling a crowd at a campaign rally in North Dakota, “I will give you everything…I’m the only one.”

And it worked to such an astounding degree of success that he was actually able to claim in an Iowa rally, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” And he was right.

If the Democrats were smart—and so far, not one of the candidates has exhibited any hint of possessing any such trait—they would learn from Trump that you win not by putting the best plan for prosperity, peace and the general well-being of Americans on the table, but by appealing to the lowest common denominator among the voting masses.

Marx and Lenin did it. So did Hitler and Mussolini. And so did Trump.

So, having established the lessons not learned from history, here is my suggestion for a path to victor next November for the Democrats:

Out-Trump Trump.

Instead of haggling about how we are going to pay for eliminating student debt or provide better health care and lower drug prices, go after Trump’s base on Trump’s terms.

Here’s how:

With Tom Steyer or Michael Bloomberg (forget the other candidates, these two are the only ones smart enough or rich enough to pull this off) leading the way, make outlandish promises not unlike Trump’s crazy-as-a-bedbug claim that Mexico would pay for his wall.

No one listens to unrealistic promises of free college tuition, free health care, lower drug prices, or green energy. That’s crazy talk and the Democrats need to ramp it up and talk even crazier.

They could effectively go after Trump’s base and cut him off at the knees by promising:

• Lifetime passes to all NASCAR races. That alone negates the Republican’s so-called Southern Strategy.
• Free huntin’ club memberships. Huntin’ clubs are expensive and this appeals to voters’ pocketbooks.
• National fishin’ holidays once a month.
• Lifetime, paid-up membership to the NRA and free admission to all gun shows. Nothing like a strong Second Amendment plank in your platform to reap millions of votes.
• More double-wide trailer parks. There’s nothing like moving up from a single-wide to a double-wide to achieve real social status.
• The Confederate flag would fly alongside the American flag at all public events.
• Finally, more free-admission swimming pools for those double-wide parks, segregated, of course—no Blacks, no Hispanics, no Jews, no Islamics and no gays.

Poof! There goes 80-85% of Trump’s base. That would probably net the candidate at least 400 electoral votes (270 needed to win) and 40 states.

Of course, while these promises are being made, the candidate is simultaneously winking at Wall Street, Big Pharma, Big Oil, Big Banks, and Big Business, assuring them that nothing will change at all. America will continue to send its young men to die for politicians’ wars in support of the military-industrial complex.

And the lobbyists and special interests who pour millions into the political campaigns are secure in the knowledge that pie-in-the-sky promises, like records, are made to be broken— no more reliable than a Hollywood marriage. And, of course, it doesn’t matter that promises are not kept—so long as the candidate keeps insisting they were, his core base will believe him.

But a rock-solid formula for success nonetheless.

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