so·cial·ism
noun
- a political and economic theory of social organization which advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.
It is perhaps the most misunderstood word in the English language.
But just to set the record straight, I am not a Socialist, nor am I a Socialist Democrat as I have been labeled. Again, those terms have been applied to me by people who have no concept of the meaning of the words. They most likely slept through their high school civics classes.
But as an experiment, I recently embarked on a hypothetical trip around town along with my Republican friend, John Wayne Billy Bob Culpepper to see what socialist programs might be eliminated in the interest of preserving what my friends calls the “Murican way.”
Our first stop was the public library. “That’s gotta go,” said JWBBC. “Who the hell ever heard of the guvmint lending out free books for folks to read?
Well, I said, it’s been going on a long time. “Don’t care,” he shot back. “It’s socialism. Any fool can see that.
As we left, we fell into traffic behind a garbage truck. “Now that’s free enterprise as it should be,” he said.
“Who do you think pays for it?” I asked. “Garbage pickup is paid for with tax dollars, which makes it a social program.”
Before he could respond, my car hit a deep pothole. “Damn!” JWBBC grunted. “They oughta fix that.”
“You do know, don’t you, that street construction and repairs are part of our infrastructure that’s financed with tax dollars, making it another social program.”
About that time, a police car sped past going the opposite direction, lights flashing and siren wailing. It was followed quickly by a fire truck and an ambulance. “Looks like there’s been a traffic accident,” my friend said.
“Yup, gonna need the police to control traffic and the fire truck in case of a potential fuel leak,” I said. “Of course, police and fire protection are provided by the government with tax dollars. Don’t know what we’d do without ‘em. Probably be anarchy in the streets.
“Do you like football, John Wayne?” I asked absently.
“Hell, yeah. Who doesn’t? Can’t wait for LSU and the Saints to crank up.”
“Well, you are aware that LSU is a public university operated by taxpayer dollars, student tuition and any number of federal and private grants, aren’t you?
“So what?”
“My point is that LSU and every other public university – and public elementary and high schools, for that matter – are all supported by taxpayer dollars. Public education is a social program in every sense of the word.”
“Well, at least the NFL is privately owned.”
“Except for the Green Bay Packers, who are publicly-owned. And how do you think the Saints’ home, the Superdome, was financed? Even the stadiums privately owned, like AT&T Stadium where the Dallas Cowboys play, received all sorts of tax concessions from Dallas County and the State of Texas.
“What you call socialism when individuals receive governmental benefits is called economic development when corporations receive them but in reality, it’s the same thing, no matter the recipient.”
“When’s the hurricane supposed to hit?” asked JWBBC, apparently making a feeble effort to change the subject.
“Why don’t you log onto the National Weather Service? They have all the latest updates. And oh, by the way, that’s another government program supported by tax revenue.”
I could see he was getting irritated at my constantly pointing out all those socialist programs, so I decided to end with a flourish.
“John Wayne, in case you weren’t aware, all this socialism nonsense goes back nearly a hundred years. FDR instituted a host of federal programs that helped pull us out of Hoover’s Great Depression by giving work to unemployed Americans.
“Those unemployed people went to work and built stadiums, university buildings, museums, post offices and public schools. My alma mater, Ruston High School, is one of those. Updates to the Audubon Zoo and the French Market in New Orleans were part of those socialist programs.
“Big Charity Hospital in New Orleans, where Sen. Bill Cassidy and former Rep. Charles Boustany, Jr., learned to be physicians, were part of FDR’s socialist experiment. Malaria was eradicated in New Orleans the same way. (Here’s a link to a comprehensive list of Louisiana projects financed by FDR’s SOCIALISM.”
To drive my point home, I pointed out to John Wayne that he would be eligible for social security and Medicare in a couple of years. “You gonna forfeit those benefits because they’re socialist?” I asked.
I could see I’d crossed a line as his face reddened. “You know,” he finally said, “Those guys L. Frost and Outlaw who always call you stupid and a socialist are right. You ain’t a Murican patriot at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get on back home. It’s time for my treatment of ivermectin.”


