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Archive for May, 2012

Notable Quotables (In their own words)

Posted in Civil Service, Governor's Office, Notable Quotables on May 3, 2012| 7 Comments »

“Louisiana is privileged to join other states across the nation on May 9, 2012, to express special appreciation and gratitude to state employees for their hard work, sacrifices, and unselfish spirit of dedication to the citizens of our state.”

–Gov. Piyush Jindal, in his official proclamation designating May 9, 2012, as State Employee Recognition Day.

“As symbols go, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is a doozy: a brilliant policy mind with an inspirational life story who has run an effective government in corruption-tainted Louisiana. He can talk data with Romney and credibly sit at the kitchen tables of the struggling middle class.

Which leads to this thought: Bobby Jindal for vice president!”

–Writer David Frum, in an article posted on CNN.com in which he touted the assets of Gov. Piyush Jindal as a potential Mitt Romney running mate.

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Piyush issues Employee Appreciation Day proclamation; state workers should wear jeans on May 9 and be happy

Posted in Governor's Office on May 3, 2012| 15 Comments »

You’ve got to hand it to the Boy Blunder: he’s got more brass than a New Orleans second line band.

For the third straight year, beginning with 2010 when he attempted to abolish Civil Service by proxy through his lapdog Rep. John Schroder (R-Covington), Gov. Piyush Jindal has issued a proclamation of State Employee Recognition Day.

SERW_-_2012_Governor’s_Proclamation

This year it’s Wednesday, May 9.

Yippee.

Commissioner of Administration Paul Rainwater even sent out an email giving all Division of Administration (DOA) employees permission to wear jeans that day.

Double yippee.

Rainwater wears jeans every day that he’s not involved in meetings or testifying before the legislature. Even then, he most often changes back to jeans when he’s finished.

State employees, who have had no pay raises for three years, with the privatization of their group medical benefits almost a certainty and their being in imminent danger of having retirement benefits shredded by Jindal lackeys in the House (Rep. Kevin Pearson, R-Slidell and Sen. Elbert Guillory, D-Opelousas), must really feel special with this latest proclamation.

Hey, it even has the gold seal of the State of Louisiana.

Copies of the proclamation were not sent to individual employees, however; it was simply sent out in a mass email – in color, so recipients could see that the seal was really gold. Every employee got one, even those that Jindal doesn’t particularly appreciate—all 50,000 thousand or so of them.

It’s a curious thing how Jindal can even bring himself to go along with National Public Employee Appreciation Day. The very notion reeks with hypocrisy and is nothing more than just another slap in the collective faces of public employees he unquestionably holds in utter contempt—a feeling that is almost certainly reciprocal.

But in spite of the bitter irony, it is amusing to see someone, even for a fleeting moment, try to put on a sincere face when announcing Public Employee Appreciation Day. The image of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (form whom Jindal campaigned and who is the subject of a statewide recall effort) offers a priceless image as he issued his proclamation:

http://www.avclub.com/madison/articles/walker-announces-state-employee-appreciation-day-o,55674/

For those who have an affinity for the inane, there are the following suggestions from the national employee appreciation group designed to make happy:

• Create a bingo card of 16 blocks. In each block print humorous or interesting personal facts about each team member;

• Invite all employees to participate in a paper airplane throwing competition;

• Hold team mock elections to recognize key employees for positive attributes;

• Distribute five coins to employees who in turn distribute their coins to co-workers throughout the day as a form of recognition whenever they observe co-workers being helpful or doing a great job. At the end of the day the employee with the most coins wins prizes and public recognition.

No jokes, folks. These are actual serious suggestions to give you that warm fuzzy. In that same vein, Piyush, in his proclamation, says:

• Louisiana’s state employees contribute significantly to the well-being and quality of life for all citizens of our state; and

• Louisiana’s state employees preserve public safety and the health of our citizens; protect our clean air and water; care for less fortunate members of society; rehabilitate and counsel people in need; preserve our economic well-being by attracting and supporting commerce; build and maintain our highways, schools and other infrastructure; administer justice; protect citizens’ rights; care for victims of crimes; inspect our food; license our vehicles; help educate our children; make astounding advances in medicine, science and technology; and handle a host of other essential duties the public entrusts to them; and

• The dedicated individual strive daily7 to perform their jobs with professionalism and integrity in order to improve the lives of our citizens; and

• State government is more responsive, innovative, and effective because outstanding employees produce excellent work products.

There’s more but you get the idea. Some people have it and some people don’t. Piyush is full of it.

And as lagniappe, just in case you missed it, CNN.com carried a lengthy story on-line by writer David Frum on Wednesday speculating that Piyush just might be back on the short list for Mitt Romney’s vice presidential running mate. In language that may be a bit over the heads of us ignorant Louisianians, Frum described the potential choice of an Asian running mate like Jindal as “a doozy.”

The best part of the story was the photo that accompanied the article. It’s a shot of Piyush, obviously posing for the camera as he surveys the scene during the infamous BP oil spill. He’s probably envisioning where he wants to place his ill-fated berms. The only thing missing from this ridiculous Gen. George S. Pattonesque pose are the .45 caliber revolvers that would be strapped around his waist but for the fact they kept falling down past his hips.

Frum, writing as someone about as detached from reality as Jindal himself, further described Piyush as someone with “a brilliant policy mind with an inspirational life story who has run an effective government in corruption-tainted Louisiana (Frum obviously has not run a check on Jindal’s campaign contributions). He can talk data with Romney and credibly sit at the kitchen tables of the struggling middle class.”

Wait. What?

When has he ever sat at any table with anyone from the “struggling middle class?”

Appearances at Protestant churches in Dry Prong and Punkin Center don’t count.

But don’t take our word for it. Here is the link to Frum’s story:

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/02/opinion/frum-vice-president-rubio-jindal/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

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If our governor were to have chosen a different career path, say, as an example, that of your friendly mortgage lender…

Posted in Governor's Office, Retirement on May 1, 2012| 7 Comments »

Occasionally, we like to run essays or commentaries by guest columnists. The following parody was written by a state employee who, for reasons easy to comprehend given the current outbreak of Sudden Teaugeing Syndrome (STS) in state government, has chosen the alias of Louis Jordan, a ’30s and ’40s jazz artist of whom our guest writer is a fan.

(Ring, Ring, Ring!)

Employee Smith: Hello.

Agent Nichols: Hello, Mr. Smith. This is Agent Nichols calling on behalf of Bayou State Bank. Do you have a few minutes to discuss your home mortgage with me?

Employee Smith: Actually Ms. Nichols, I’m kind of busy right now. In fact, I’m an employee of Bayou State Bank, and as I’m sure you know we in the tax division have been asked to do more with less. And since this is tax season, I’m kind of swamped. Can you make this quick?

Agent Nichols: I can certainly make this quick Mr. Smith. But first, I just wanted to let you know that we at B.S. Bank we really appreciate all your hard work and dedication. In fact, May 9 is Employee Appreciation Day and you’re allowed to wear jeans to work.

Employee Smith: Thanks Ms. Nichols. What’s up?

Agent Nichols: I was calling to let you know that you qualify for our mortgage modification program!

Employee Smith: Really? Thank goodness! My wife and I have always paid our mortgage payments timely, so I never looked into anything like this. But this is great news, because we’ve been struggling lately. Gas prices have gone up. Our health insurance premiums keep getting higher. And as you know, B.S. Bank hasn’t given us raises in a few years. This really couldn’t come at a better time.

Agent Nichols: Actually Mr. Smith, we over here in the administration division just got a raise.

Employee Smith: Umm…Ok. Thanks for rubbing it in.

Agent Nichols: Anyways, it will just take a few minutes to go over the details of how we will be modifying your mortgage. First thing we will be doing is raising your interest rate from 8% to 11%.

Employee Smith: Wait…What? You’re raising my interest rate? Did I misunderstand you?

Agent Nichols: No Mr. Smith, I didn’t stutter. In addition to raising your interest rate by 3%, we will also be requiring you to make payments on your loan for an additional 10 years.

Employee Smith: Is this some kind of joke? Is this a prank call? Is this Kellie Rasberry from Kidd Kraddick in the Morning?

Agent Nichols: No Mr. Smith, I assure you this is the real Ms. Nichols and I’m serious. We feel that these modifications will help B.S. Bank maintain long-term financial stability. As you are aware, we have gotten ourselves into a precarious position. Prior to CEO Bobby’s tenure, the B.S. Bank decided to expand its operations to other areas of the state. This created a need for additional capital. In addition, we have made some bad investment decisions, the market has not been doing so well, and years ago we decided not to make necessary payments to fund future obligations. And to top it all off, CEO Bobby decided it would make good business sense to loan all new corporations however much money they needed to finance their operations at a super low interest rate of 2%. All of these factors have put us in jeopardy of defaulting on our own loans. For these reasons we feel it is necessary to raise revenue and reduce our long-term obligations.

Employee Smith: I’m so confused. What does any of this have to do with me?

Agent Nichols: What is there to be confused about Mr. Smith? The reality is that we feel the employees of our bank should finance our debt by having the terms of their personal mortgages involuntarily adjusted.

Employee Smith: So is this something that you are doing for all employees of B.S. Bank? Because there is no way that the employees of the identity protection division will go along with this. Not to mention the outrage it will cause with employees of the customer education division.

Agent Nichols: Honestly, CEO Bobby is not really concerned about what his employees think. He just fired the head of the reverse mortgage division for disagreeing with him. But since you asked, he feels that the employees of identity protection division are entitled to full ownership of their homes before you because of the unique nature of their job. And he just got finished outsourcing a large part of the customer education department to India, so he doesn’t want to piss them off anymore than he already has.

Employee Smith: This is ridiculous. Are you sure this is the real Ms. Nichols, because none of this makes sense? I signed a contract with B.S. Bank years ago, stating that if I paid my mortgage for 30 years, at an interest rate of 8%, I would own the title to my home. How can you change the terms of our agreement halfway through the terms of our contract? Is this legal?

Agent Nichols: Again, I assure you this is the real Ms. Nichols. And we feel there is firm legal precedence to unilaterally impose this mortgage modification program on our employees. We have based our legal analysis on regulations enacted by the First Bank of the United States.

Employee Smith: Ms. Nichols, the First Bank of the United States ceased to exist in 1811.

(silence)

Employee Smith: Hello, are you still there?

Agent Nichols: Yes, I’m still here. I guess we didn’t think of that.

Employee Smith: It sounds like you didn’t think of a lot of things. Didn’t the Bank of Uncle Sam recently reduce mortgage rates by 2% for all of its customers to help them out? Didn’t CEO Bobby support that? And I thought CEO Bobby was a proponent of low interest rates?

Agent Nichols: Yes, Yes, and Yes. But that isn’t relevant to this discussion. Honestly, CEO Bobby really wants to be the CEO of the Bank of Uncle Sam, and he thinks enacting this loan modification program will help him achieve that goal.

Employee Smith: I could care less about CEO Bobby’s future plans. I am just trying to live my life as simply as possible. All I want to do is raise my kids, love my wife, walk my dog, be involved in my community, and one day own my home. Is that too much to ask? There is no way that the Board of Directors will go along with this. Has CEO Bobby contacted Chairman Chuck for his opinion?

Agent Nichols: Chairman Chuck is a member of the American Bankers Exchange Council (ABEC), and ABEC is a proponent of the mortgage modification programs. In truth, ABEC is the organization that is spear heading these programs nationwide. We feel that we have the support of the entire Board of Directors of Bayou State Bank. Actually, the Committee on Mortgage Modification just recently approved our plan.

Employee Smith: I can’t believe the entire Board will go along with something so blatantly inequitable, unfair, illegal, and discriminatory. I have faith that they will reign in CEO Bobby’s arrogant behavior. But I have to be honest Ms. Smith; I’m really questioning my loyalty to B.S. Bank. If I would have known how you treated your employees and customers, I would have never applied for a mortgage with B.S. Bank, much less sought employment here.

Agent Nichols: I’m sorry you feel that way Mr. Smith. Just please remember that we really do appreciate all of your hard work and dedication. However, you can always sell your house and move.

Employee Smith: Is that what this is really about? Are you trying to force me out of my home? Please remember that it is not just a building that provides shelter to me and my family. It is my home, and it is the only home I know. We are members of the local church, our kids go to school in the area, we love our neighbors, and we are completely vested in the community. There has to be another way.

Agent Nichols: I’m sorry Mr. Smith, but CEO Bobby has decided that this is the way it is going to be. You really don’t have many options. You can either accept our terms or you can sell your house and move. Have a good day. And remember, we are watching you.

(click)

Employee Smith: Wait…What the heck just happened?

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