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We received an email of a news story today (Wednesday) to the effect that Gov. Bobby Jindal is having second thoughts about committing his family to the “rigors” of a presidential campaign.

But when we attempted to google the headline, it turns out the story originated not from the mainstream media, but from our favorite online satirical news service, The Onion. If you are not familiar with The Onion, just know that it presents all its stories as a serious news item but, as Gov. Jindal is so fond of saying, at the end of the day, it’s all parody. Very good parody, but parody, nonetheless. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

We have to admit we bought into the story ourselves until we did that google thing with the headline on the story and up popped the only version of that story—The Onion’s version.

The story quoted Jindal as saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to put his family through the rigors of a “two-month presidential campaign.”

As is its style, The Onion wrote the story in such a straightforward manner as to be completely believable to anyone unfamiliar with the blog. http://www.theonion.com/articles/bobby-jindal-not-sure-he-willing-to-put-family-thr,37864/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default

Well, we like a good joke as well as the next guy and this indeed was a good one. But in reading the story, we decided The Onion did not have a true feel of the Jindal “campaign” the way that we in Louisiana do. We feel we can cut to the reality of why his campaign is an exercise in futility that more aptly captures the essence of a campaign doomed before it was ever born. Accordingly, here is LouisianaVoice’s version of the same story:

            Citing the monumental failure of his Baton Rouge Prayerpalooza rip-off of The Reponse, the prayer event put on by former Texas Gov. Rick Perry four years ago, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal announced Tuesday that he’s “absolutely” not sure he wants to put his family through the rigors of a two-month presidential campaign.

            The event last Saturday in the Maravich Assembly Center was a total bust, attendance-wise (there were about 15,000 people disguised as empty seats in the 18,000-seat facility). Not only was attendance disappointing, but Jindal, a devout Catholic, sensing that those in attendance were evangelical Protestants, was conspicuous in neglecting to cross himself at the beginning and end of a seemingly endless procession of prayers to save our country from the godless hordes of homosexuals, abortionists, Islamics, Keystone Pipeline opponents, and anyone who desires health care—all of whom, apparently, contribute to the looming threat of killer hurricanes aimed directly at Louisiana as God’s punishment for our wanton ways.

            “This was absolutely not a political event,” Jindal insisted. “It was absolutely a religious gathering with political overtones and political undertones—with a dash of bash for Obamacare.”

            The 43-year-old governor in absentia told reporters that while his wife and three young children are absolutely  “tremendously supportive” of his political ambitions, he recognizes that a relentless six-to-eight-week run for the White House would be an exercise in complete and utter failure as well as providing comedic fodder for late night talk show hosts—as well as opening his record up to media scrutiny that he has thus far avoided from Louisiana news outlets.

            “If I were to declare my candidacy this June, I’d absolutely immediately have to start answering hard questions from the national media—that’s a sacrifice I absolutely am not ready to make,” Jindal said of a potential bid for the Republican Party’s 2016 presidential nomination. “We’re absolutely talking four, maybe five big town hall events in the early primary states, a handful of public rallies, and a few Sundays spent at meet-and-greets with the media. That’s multiple press conferences, and I’m absolutely not sure it would be fair to my finely-honed image as an all-knowing and wise leader of Louisiana’s economic and cultural resurgence. Given the option, I’d absolutely much rather reporters just read my ghost-written book, Leadership and Crisis and quit asking questions about sand berms, lawsuits against oil companies, budget deficits, appointments of supporters to important posts, acceptance of illegal campaign cash, the destruction of higher education, the disappearance of a quarter-billion surplus at Group Benefits, and my lack of concern for the health care of our citizens. That’s all absolutely irrelevant.”

            Jindal stressed that he hated the thought of subjecting his record to the harsh glare of the public spotlight for a couple of news cycles. According to Jindal, he would have to steel himself in preparation for a humiliating campaign that would absolutely make him a laughingstock all the way through Iowa, a fair amount of South Carolina, and maybe a couple counties in New Hampshire.

            “I could wind up missing most of the last year of my governorship, which is a lot to ask,” considering that I’ve already missed about a third of my term.” The second-term governor went on to say that if he seeks the GOP nomination, the Jindal family “absolutely might as well forget about” planning a victory party for his nomination and election.

            “Imagine what it’s like being 10 or 13 years old and dreaming of running for president—what would that do to your life?” said Jindal, who admitted that was the reason he adopted the name Bobby over his Indian name Piyush which, translated, means nectar of the gods or holy water. “And we absolutely could be in the thick of it right up until a few days after Easter, at least. If I hold, say, six fundraising dinners, that’s absolutely six meals I’m hitting supporters up for contributions and to tell the truth, I’m absolutely not really sure I even have six supporters left, other than Timmy and Kyle and Rolfe.”

            Even though he hinted broadly at withdrawing from the Republican Presidential Sweepstakes, Jindal nevertheless tried to put a positive spin on his chances that are disappearing faster than an armadillo’s odds of making it across a busy interstate highway. “Our campaign absolutely has been picking up momentum and we’re absolutely encouraged at the absolutely enthusiastic response we’ve been getting from Louisiana’s citizens.”

            A politic-speak expert provided us with a literal translation of that last statement: “Our campaign has been going downhill rapidly and Louisiana citizens are eagerly anticipating the forthcoming train wreck. Absolutely.”

By Dayne Sherman

Special to LouisianaVoice 

Louisiana is Ground Zero for political scandals. From U.S. Rep. Bill Jefferson’s “cold cash” saga to U.S. Sen. Bill Cassidy’s unanswered allegations of payroll fraud at LSU, the state knows how to lead the country in at least one statistic: corruption.

One writer devised his own method of ranking states by corruption and guess who was number one?

Here’s a hint: http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/ranking-the-states-from-most-to-least-corrupt/

Even our new House Whip, Steve Scalise, who describes himself as “David Duke without the baggage,” has become an international disgrace for speaking to a neo-Nazi group 12 years ago while he was a state representative.

A quote attributed to Pericles 2400 years ago is still true: “Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.” Indeed, these political scandals are at the expense of Louisiana citizens. They matter. We pay the price for wayward politicians and their blinding ambition. This lust for power is equal only to their lust for “other things,” as Sen. David Vitter seems to be chief among sinners.

On Jan. 9, Louisiana House Speaker Chuck Kleckley came out like Clint Eastwood in a western flick, standing up tall to Gov. Bobby Jindal’s latest plan to cut $370 million from Louisiana higher education. He says he won’t back the budget plan. But let’s be clear-minded. Kleckley is Jindal’s paramour. He has done and will continue to do whatever the governor tells him to do or he’ll lose his speakership.

This is all political theater, a cruel PR scheme to help Kleckley win election as State Treasurer. Recall, Louisiana higher education has been cut by over $700 million since Jindal took office, the deepest cuts of any state in the country. Other states are investing in colleges and universities post-recession, and we are not.

Kleckley’s recently found courage when the state faces a $300 million deficit this year and 1.4 billion next fiscal year starting July 1, is a fake news story. Jindal’s conservative principles haven’t worked. On the contrary, they’ve been a disaster aided and abetted by lapdogs in the Legislature. Make no mistake, the greatest hypocrite among them is Kleckley.

The bayou budgetary apocalypse is coming. Get ready.

At the same time, President Obama has announced a truly bold new plan to give all Americans two years of free community college. Clearly, the best news of 2015.

Upon hearing this great news, a number of Louisiana’s college and university “leaders” (They’re paid to be leaders but are mostly sycophants in leisure suits.) began to question the details. Why aren’t they excited? Don’t educators want nothing more than to educate? Don’t they need students? Well, their master Jindal is against everything good—or bad—that Obama wants. The “leaders” answer to Jindal. These rascals served as cheerleaders for Jindal’s foolish WISE Fund, a mere pittance, but they became skeptics over the real deal.

How will we fund a community college education for all Americans? I’d say having ended two wars, one in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan, will do it. We can save trillions by staying out of endless international conflicts. No need to raise taxes. Let’s just stop blowing up other countries and then rebuilding them on the taxpayers’ dime.

I believe nothing could be better for America and the world than investing in Americans. Jindal has shown through $700 million in cuts to Louisiana higher education, and another $370 million before he’s through, that he doesn’t believe investing in our state is good for his long-term political career.

Obama, on the other hand, believes investing in Americans is good for the country. Fortunately, Jindal will never be able to bring to the nation the disasters he’s brought to Louisiana. He’ll never be President.

[Dayne Sherman’s new novel is Zion. Signed first editions available from the author. His political blog is www.TalkAboutTheSouth.com.]

 

 

shoe_daily012215[1]

JINDAL’S CAMPAIGN (Thanks to Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly, creators of SHOE):

Any effectiveness in bringing stories to our readers can be attributed not to any dogged pursuit of truth by LouisianaVoice (We are, after all, old and basically lazy), but to our readers who continue to feed valuable tips and documents to us.

One such example followed our publication of the Thursday story about the creation of the super PAC Believe Again on behalf of Gov. Bobby Jindal in an attempt to raise campaign cash for his efforts to secure the Republican nomination for president by former U.S. Rep. Bob Livingston, Chairman, and Treasurer Rolfe McCollister. McCollister is Baton Rouge’s defender of freedom of the press (Irony, folks: remember McCollister, the CEO of Louisiana Business, publisher of the Baton Rouge Business Report, was part of the LSU Board of Supervisors that fought efforts to gain access to the list of candidates for LSU president).

One of our sharp-eyed readers noticed that we also ran a copy of a Jindal tweet about another of his organizations, www.standuptowashington.com and took it upon himself to try and see who owned the web domain (“not that we don’t already know,” he added).

The domain name itself, he said, was purchased through a company called Domains by Proxy,” a service that allows purchasers to obtain domains anonymously. “All information is hidden, so I pinged the domain and got the address: 50.56.48.143,” our reader said.

Now, of course, we have no clue what those numbers mean, but apparently he did.

“After that, I ran a search to see what other sites might be neighboring that one on the web server, and it turns out there are 62 domain names sharing that IP (internet provider) address.”

Our reader provided a list of the 62 domain names and we attempted to call each of the addresses and found that many were just purchased and held but no actual web page ever created (a common practice for those attempting to secure all similar-sounding names either in hopes of selling them or to protect a like-sounding web page they intend to use).

Besides the blank pages, we found a few that appeared to be legitimate and addressing such topics as health care, tax reform and one belonging to Warner Cable.

But we also found one belonging to OnMessage, the Virginia political consulting firm that has received more than $5 million in consulting fees from Jindal since 2007 and for which Jindal’s former campaign manager and chief of staff now works.

Also on the list was www.americanext.org, which is one of several non-profits created by Jindal to suck up donor contributions.

Several web page addresses were registered in the name of Florida Gov. Rick Scott for whom three of Jindal’s former campaign workers and former appointees now work. Known as the “Louisiana Mafia” in Florida, Melissa Sellers and husband and wife Frank and Meghan Collins figured in the rift over the Florida state police commissioner’s refusal to provide transportation in state vehicles for Scott campaign workers.

Only three of the 10 domain addresses owned by Scott were functional. Two were English and Spanish versions of the same page thanking Florida voters for returning Scott to office last fall. The other was simply www.letsgettowork.net.

Another was one belonging to unsuccessful U.S. Senate candidate Shane Osborne in which he thanked Nebraska voters who supported his failed candidacy.

One web address quickly became the subject of speculation. The web address www.believeinlouisiana.com is a “527” non-profit political organization launched by Jindal on Jan. 18, 2008, only days after he was inaugurated for his first term.

LouisianaVoice has published an extensive list of contributors to Believe in Louisiana who combined to pour more than $2.4 million into the organization, which reported spending $2.2 million, much of that to Teepell and OnMessage. http://www.campaignmoney.com/political/527/fresh-start-louisiana.asp

McCollister and David Roberts of Prairieville were listed by Louisiana Secretary corporate records as directors and its agent was David Woolridge, Jr., of the Baton Rouge law firm Roedel, Parsons, Koch, Blache, Balhoff & McCollister. Records reflect that the last annual report filed was in 2014 and that the organization is no longer in good standing.

Its web page pretty much reflected the same thing. Unlike times past when it was easily accessible, when we clicked on the web address this time, we got only a blank page.

Its fund balance, if it actually had one (the contributions and expenditures we cited were a couple of years old), were probably shifted into either www.standuptowashington.com or Jindal’s newest fund-raising ploy, www.believeagain.com.

One thing is abundantly evident (or should we say “absolutely”?) is the same tired old names keep bobbing to the surface every time Jindal floats a new .com.

But the presence of Livingston is a curious one. Jindal once worked for Livingston when the latter was in Congress. That was before Livingston was tabbed as the next House Speaker, only to resign in the wake of revelations he’d had an extra-marital affair even as the House was bringing impeachment charges against President Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

Livingston has moved on to form an influential lobbying office in Washington, so it’s somewhat perplexing as to why he would become involved in a campaign that had gotten “absolutely” no traction.

Meanwhile, back in Baton Rouge, the state’s financial condition continues to spiral out of control. Jindal is in town only to attend his prayer meeting at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center on the LSU campus tomorrow and then he’ll be off again, probably back to Iowa to court his tiny cadre of supporters.

As Jindal turns his attention more and more to the GOP president nomination, higher education is facing cuts of up to $370 million and on Thursday, we learned that the Department of Health and Hospitals may undergo mid-year cuts of $700 million.

It will be very interesting to see what positive spin Jindal will try to put on that turn of events. No doubt, he’ll attempt to take credit for reducing the size of government and cutting unnecessary expenses—all while chasing the Islamic hordes out of Europe.

 

“The governor is the top law enforcement official in this state. He is the only one that can order this assist with the state police to come down here. And we need it. We need it very badly.”

—Orleans Parish District Attorney Leon Cannizzaro, commenting Wednesday on the irony of Gov. Bobby Jindal’s call to arms against Islamic “terrorists” in so-called “no-go” zones in England and France when he is not allowing state police to assist local authorities in fighting what Cannizzaro called “urban terrorists” in New Orleans. A recent survey ranked Louisiana’s violent crime rate as the worst in the nation.

There is a company called 24/7 Wall St. which publishes more than 30 articles per day, many of them about economic trends such as automobile models or long established stores that won’t be around much longer, or even the most and least popular beers in America.

The company is not an investment advisor despite the presence of “Wall St.” in its name and its editors do not own securities in companies that they write about. When other writers do have positions in companies, that fact is disclosed in their articles.

Another regular feature of 24/7 Wall St. is its regular rankings of states in everything from obesity to poverty rates to educational achievement to employment to median income.

Invariably, Louisiana finds itself at or near the bottom in these rankings, often held out of the worst ranking by neighboring Mississippi.

A couple of recent surveys released by 24/7 Wall St. were on the worst run states in America,, the most violent states, states with the best and worst schools and on states where the middle class is dying. A sampling of the rankings that include Louisiana:

  • 6th worst run state in America: With the nations’ 4th largest budget deficit and the 17th highest debt per capita ($4,045), the 8th lowest median household income ($42,944) and the 3rd highest percentage of its citizens living below the poverty line (19.9 percent), there wasn’t much room for our political leaders to brag. Still, that did not seem to stop Gov. Bobby Jindal from trying to put a positive spin on the state economic condition.
  • The most violent state in the U.S.: Finally, a survey that ranks Louisiana as number 1—but alas, it’s the wrong list. Despite having the highest incarceration rate per 100,000 population (867) in a nation with the highest incarceration in the world (686—giving Louisiana the dubious distinction of having the highest incarceration rate in the world), Our murder rate, 11.2 killings per 100,000 population is worst in the country and violent crime rate exclusive of murder of 537.8 per 100,000 population is 8th most in the nation even though we have the highest number of police officers per 100,000 (542.8). The total cost of violent crime in Louisiana is nearly $10 billion, or about 40 percent of the state budget. On Wednesday, Orleans Parish District Attorney Leon Cannizzaro, Jr., was critical of Jindal’s histrionics about the so-call “no-go” zones in England and France where non-Muslims are said to be afraid to enter. Cannizzaro said the fact that law enforcement officials in England and France refrain from entering certain Islamic neighborhoods in favor of letting “the residents police their own” is not so different from the situation in New Orleans. He said Jindal, instead of trying to curry favor among supporters with his anti-Islamic rhetoric, should give consideration to staying in Louisiana and addressing Louisiana’s “urban terrorists.”

http://www.wafb.com/story/27905246/orleans-da-blasts-jindal-says-urban-terrorists-in-his-own-backyard

  • 8th worst school system in America: Despite having the 19th highest per-pupil spending in the nation ($12,375), Louisiana has the 5th lowest high school graduation rate (72 percent versus the national rate of 81 percent) and the second lowest percentage (20.8 percent) of 8th graders proficient in math or reading. The report said that 11th and 12th grade students in Louisiana were among the least likely to excel on Advance Placement tests. These factors combined to give Louisiana a state score of 68.5 percent, or an overall grade of D+.
  • 6th worst middle income growth (-4.9 percent, as in a negative growth): The shrinkage of Louisiana’s middle class was surpassed only by Washington State (-5.0 percent), Rhode Island (-5.6 percent), Maine (-5.8 percent), Vermont (-5.0 percent), and California (-6.9 percent). The reason you don’t see Mississippi, Alabama and Tennessee on this list is because the income disparity was not as great. Louisiana uncharacteristically (for a poor state) somehow made the list as the gap between the very rich and the middle class continued to widen.

Despite this plethora of negatives, we have a governor who has gone from gallivanting all over the nation spreading misrepresentations about all his wonderful accomplishments as governor to taking his message abroad and spewing hysterical rhetoric on topics about which he is woefully unqualified to speak.

The reason for his chronic absenteeism from the job for which he was elected—governor of Louisiana? He harbors a desperate, obsessive desire to be president, to do to the nation what he has done to Louisiana for the past seven years. To that end, he either is delusional, an insufferable egomaniac, or he has advisers like Timmy Teepell and Rolfe McCollister whispering in his ear that he is true presidential timber in the mold of Lincoln or Reagan—or all of the above. It didn’t help that columnist Michelle Malkin and Rash Limburger began building up for the ultimate fall way back in 2008.

So now, flush with his bold stand against the evils of Islam and emboldened by all that success in pulling Louisiana out of the doldrums of economic and cultural ruin he has given the go-ahead for the creation of Believe Again, a super PAC created to attract big money and to boost his flagging image in the already crowded field of Republican presidential hopefuls. http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/bobbys-believers-conservatives-launch-draft-jindal-pac/article/2559070

Organizers of Believe Again are former U.S. Rep. Bob Livingston, chairman, and McCollister, treasurer. Timmy Teepell, Jindal’s campaign manager in his 2011 gubernatorial re-election campaign, apparently is odd man out in favor of Washington Republican operative Brad Todd as the PAC’s primary consultant.

While federal election laws bar Jindal from being directly associated with Believe Again or coordinating directly with Believe Again, that didn’t stop Jindal from sending out a tweet plugging the new super PAC created on his behalf—and most likely, at his direction:

  • “Sign our petition to demand liberals stop their shameless attacks against Conservatives,” the tweet said. (Just as Teepell had done in an email blast on Wednesday, Jindal lower-cased the “l” in liberals but capitalized “Conservatives.”)

Jindal also attached a YouTube link to the super PAC:image001

But at the bottom of the tweet was the disclaimer that the message was “not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee.” image002

(CLICK ON IMAGES TO ENLARGE)

Moreover, the super PAC’s web page contained a prominent photo of Jindal but no other potential candidates. http://www.standuptowashington.com/

Super PACs, unlike leadership PACs, are allowed to raise unlimited amounts of funds, thanks to the 2010 U.S. Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision.

The Washington Examiner noted that Jindal’s supporters believe his record of achieving conservative reform is what voters and campaign contributors are looking for in a candidate.

“Republican voters are tired of empty rhetoric from the same old politicians,” said Livingston. “They want a full-spectrum conservative who has the courage and bandwidth to make large scale reforms. If Gov. Jindal runs, he will be the kind of candidate who makes Republicans able to believe again,” he said.

But those supporters may be overlooking a key fact: there’s a world of difference between “conservative reform” and real achievement. Jindal’s conservative reform agenda has done precious little toward solving ever-increasing budget deficits, solving a soaring crime rate, improving education, lifting Louisiana citizens out of choking poverty or improving low income citizens’ access to health care.

Oh, there is one last ongoing survey in which Louisiana ranks dead last:

Jindal consistently holds down the anchor position among Republican presidential aspirants in poll after poll, trailing even Sarah Palin.

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