Louisiana Voice

Last month I WROTE A PIECE about the Livingston Parish Council’s plans to move books deemed objectionable away from the children’s sections of the public libraries in the parish.

I attended that night’s meeting of the council and several in attendance, including the proponent of the book removals, Michael Lunsford, signed cards prior to the meeting indicating a desire to speak on the proposed resolution to support a letter to all the parish librarians.

We were even told after the meeting began that those having signed cards in advance of the meeting would be given four minutes to speak and those who had not submitted the cards but decided to speak anyway would be given two minutes.

But then, when Parish President Layton Ricks offered the resolution to the council, the motion was made quickly (too quickly, I might add), seconded, and passed unanimously – without allowing a single person in attendance the opportunity to speak. Ricks didn’t even extend the courtesy of making copies of the letter available to attendees.

So much for democracy in action.

Ricks’s letter was three pages in length, so I’ll spare you the details other than to say he did approach the volatile subject of censorship in a conciliatory manner, and to touch on the main point.

Acknowledging that “there are two sides to every story,” he wrote, “It appears to me that people on both sides of this issue are more interested in proving that their views are correct and everyone else is wrong than they are about addressing the real issue: What is best for our children. (sic) That should be the common goal.”

He then wrote, “…I encourage you to look beyond the arguments of adults caught up in their own battle of wills and remember the true issue at stake. I don’t have the right to ask that these books be totally removed from the library. However, in my opinion, if there is a concern about the content of a book, let’s at least put it in an adult section that is monitored by library staff or accessible only to children accompanied by a parent or guardian.”

Well, that was polite enough and may possibly have even diffused opposing viewpoints somewhat – had copies of the letter been made available in advance. It took a public records request for LouisianaVoice to obtain the document.

But the real underlying issue still goes back to the suspected ultimate end-game goal of the driving force behind the movement in Livingston (and the state’s other 63 parishes), one Michal Lunsford of St. Martin Parish.

I suggested in that August post and in an earlier one back LAST DECEMBER that it was just the first step toward book banning efforts.

“What’s next after you pull those books?” I wrote back then about efforts in Lincoln Parish that, it turned out, was just the opening salvo in this culture war. “What else might offend your sensibilities,” I wrote, “publications about slavery and injustices suffered by Blacks? Books about wrongful convictions of the innocent? Overcrowding of prisons because of harsh punishment enacted by “law and order” politicians for minor offenses? What about books that document American genocide, aka the near-eradication of Native Americans? Everything critical of any political viewpoint you happen not to share? Perhaps a certain cookbook because you happen to not like broccoli?”

I ended that rant by suggesting that some of the people in my home town of Ruston pull out their Bibles and read Matthew 7:1-3.

I reprised that post last month when I suggested that books about women’s rights (the struggle for women’s suffrage, for example), teachings about the Civil War because the topic of slavery would be unavoidable, the struggle for civil rights (such as Baton Rouge’s Bob Mann’s exemplary book, The Walls of Jerico). I even tossed out the possibility of an assault on the right to vote for blacks, women, or non-property owners.

In that piece, I overlooked encroachment on our freedom to choose which TV shows we deem to watch (probably because I happen not to watch much TV other than the news – not local news so much because I think it only exists to keep lawyer ads from bumping together).

But now US Rep. Mike Johnson from up Shreveport way has even waded into that discussion by taking on Danny DeVito and his new sitcom Little Demon.

The absurdity of Johnson’s taking time out from the nation’s problems of crime, environment, and economy to pick a fight with an animated cartoon is beyond description but he’s found a way to insert himself into the controversy that most didn’t even know existed.

DeVito does the voice of Satan in the cartoon. His daughter does the voice of Satan’s daughter, whose soul Satan tries to wrest control of from her mother, a mortal woman.

During Sunday night’s telecast of the LSU football game (who can forget that heartbreak?), ABC, whose parent company is Disney, ran a promo of the Disney show and Johnson claims he had to hurry and hit the remote to shield his 11-year-old daughter from the evil spirit of the preview which, I suppose, he felt might possess her body or pull her into the television a-la the 1982 movie Poltergeist. Johnson even fretted over how many other children might have been “exposed to it” or “how many millions more will tune in” to the series. (I would love to have seen and heard his take on the John Denver-George Burns 1977 movie Oh, God! but he was probably in the Marines about then and getting his tattoo.)

Well, he and all those who are so concerned about the content of libraries had better turn their attention to other sources. Online porn is oh-so-easily available over the Web and how many of these concerned parents keep a close watch over their kids’ computers and cellphones?

And parents might want to seriously consider “shielding,” as Johnson would put it, their children from reading certain parts of the BIBLE.

Johnson is horrified at the thought of a cartoon Satan but apparently is unconcerned about a talking snake. I wonder if he wants his daughter reading Numbers 31:17-18 (instructing God’s warriors to kill all male babies and women but to take female children for their own pleasure)? Or how about Lot offering up his two daughters for sex to the men of his neighborhood? Or of Lot later impregnating those same daughters? And what about all the mass murders perpetrated by God? Does he really want his daughter reading about a flood that wiped out all but the family of one man? Or of the plagues he sent on Egypt, including more mass murders of babies? Or still more mass murders of Egyptian soldiers by drowning? Lunsford’s companion at the Livingston meeting said the Bible “doesn’t condone” the killing but I beg to differ. Perhaps she should brush up on Genesis, Exodus, Deuteronomy, Numbers, and Leviticus.

They’ve already banned certain math textbooks in Florida. Math, for Pete’s sake! And Gov. DeSantis has even gone so far as to establish so-called “voting police” and Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is offering a $10,000 bounty for neighbors to spy on neighbors.

Sorry, folks, but I just can’t shake this feeling that we’re headed down a slippery slope of banning books that tell of the dark chapters of our history – of Native American genocide, slavery, lynchings, civil rights struggles, and tens of thousands of Americans who died in wars that were fought for all the wrong reasons.

And lest some of you think I’m unpatriotic for offering up such criticism, I disagree vehemently. Patriotism is not “My Country Right or Wrong,” nor is it loyalty any political party – ANY political party – or politician. Patriotism is loving one’s country (and I do) and when seeing democracy wavering down a dangerous path, saying so – for the same reason we correct our children when they err or when we call 911 when witnessing a crime.

The news that the state wants to transfer about two dozen teenagers now incarcerated in the Bridge City facility for youths to the Louisiana State Penitentiary at Angola probably hasn’t penetrated north Louisiana. Bridge City is in the New Orleans area (Jefferson Parish) after all, and it’s more of a regional story than one of general statewide interest.

But that doesn’t mitigate the seriousness of Gov. Edwards’s decision to house juveniles at a prison for hardened criminals. The argument could be made that the ones being transferred are already candidates for a lifetime of recidivism.

But while that argument may well have merit, the question remains: Should we be sending juveniles to an adult facility that is the nation’s largest maximum-security prison and which has the reputation as one of the worst prisons in America?

That prospect prompted Tulane University psychiatrist and professor Dr. Monica Stevens to tell U.S. District Judge Shelly Dick that such a move would be “unprecedented,” and that she “couldn’t ethically sign off on this.”

The decision by Edwards to move the youths was born of desperation after six juveniles escaped from Bridge City in July of this year. It was just the latest of several escapes and riots at the facility and the decision was made despite a federal law that prohibits youths from being incarcerated within sight of sound of adults.

The problems at Bridge City are not new. In fact, legislators have had at least six years – even after they were finished grandstanding and pontificating – to address problems at the facility and yet those problems remain.

In May 2016, the SENATE AND GOVERNMENTAL AFFAIRS COMMITTEE, just weeks after its lovefest with then-State Police Superintendent Mike Edmonson, tore into Department of Juvenile Justice Director Mary Livers. Leading the assault was committee chairperson Karen Carter Peterson. The committee spewed such vitriol that Livers ultimately retired. The irony of that was Livers had testified to the senators about the problems of high turnover at Bridge City.

Even as Livers attempted to relate the problems at Bridge City, she was repeatedly interrupted by Peterson, who seemed to think the hearing was all about her and who made certain that everyone in attendance was aware that she was an attorney.

Along with the 30 vacancies at Bridge City, Livers noted that her agency’s budget had been cut by 40 percent, a cut implemented by Bobby Jindal who never saw a social program he liked.

“The youth there have lots of problems or they wouldn’t be in a facility like Bridge City,” Livers said. “The problems are historic. When you have more than 100 kids in a facility, you have problems. Today Bridge City is at 136 youth. That’s too many kids in one place, not enough space. It’s a recipe for problems. We have a difficult time keeping people.”

Peterson asked why there was such a high turnover—a question Livers had already addressed in describing the working conditions at Bridge City. But she gamely tried again. “There is a variety of reasons,” she said. “Most say the job was not what they thought it would be. They don’t like being called into service and working all kinds of hours because of vacancies.”

“That goes back to you,” Peterson snapped. “It’s not enough to take responsibility. You’ve been there a long time. You say you take responsibility but nothing gets done.” This from the person who chaired the State Democratic Party into near-oblivion.

Looking back, it’s surprising that Peterson was able to stay for the full 80-minute duration of the hearing, what with her ongoing destruction of the State Democratic Party, her preparations for a future run (unsuccessful) for Congress, and her furtive gambling habit.

But never mind all that. It was her moment to shine, along with fellow senators Jean-Paul Morrell, Wesley Biship, and Jim Fannin. There was an abundance of bluster and finger-wagging in that hearing (good for TV soundbites).

Typically, after they were finished with their chest-thumping and public humiliation of a well-meaning but overwhelmed civil servant and the TV camera crews had packed up their equipment and left, the issue of Bridge City was, for the lawmakers, over. There were no more political points to be scored, so why waste time if the legislators didn’t have anything to gain?

In fact, it was a lose-lose situation, so even as Livers was calling it a career because of the lack of support for her agency, the political talking heads could go home, satisfied in the knowledge they’d found a scapegoat in Livers and driven her from office.

Problem solved.

So, here we are, six years of legislative inaction later. And the problems at Bridge City are, if anything, worse than before.

That can mean only one thing: time for another legislative committee meeting.

Wall Street 24/7, that online service that tracks everything from the best cars to cities with the highest housing costs to state rankings on a multitude of issues, has just listed the 50 US cities with the highest population growth over a single year’s time.

Not a single Louisiana city made the list.

Conversely, Wall Street 24/7 also has a list of the 50 US cities with the highest percentages of out-migration.

Five Louisiana cities adorn that list, including the city with the very highest rate of population loss.

The highest rates of growth among the top 50 cities ranged from 93.9 percent growth rate experienced by Brookland, Arkansas to the astonishing growth rate of 1,364.6 percent of Fulshear, Texas (from a population of 1,170 in 2019 to 17,136 in 2020).

Three cities had population losses of .4 of a percentage point. They were Boulder, Colorado, Springfield, Illinois, and Alexandria, Louisiana.

You have to come all the way down to 29^th biggest drop in out-migration rate to find both New Orleans-Metairie and Monroe, which had population losses of .7 percent each. The Shreveport-Bossier City metro area, with a combined population of 389,155, experienced the 20^th largest loss in out-migration at .8 percent.

But the single city in the US with the largest rate of out-migration (5.3 percent) was Lake Charles, with a population of 210,362. Much of that population loss, however, can be attributed to a pair of hurricanes, Laura and Delta, that devastated much of the city, twin disasters from which the city has yet to fully recover because of a lack of federal aid and widespread contractor fraud and shoddy repair work.

In all, the five Louisiana cities combined to lose 27,198 residents in that single year with Lake Charles experiencing a loss of 11,914 residents, easily surpassing the 9,824 residents lost by the much larger New Orleans-Metairie area (pop. 1,261,726)

Alexandria (pop. 150,890) lost 706 residents from 2019 to 2020, while Monroe (pop. 204,884) lost 1,456 during that same period and Shreveport-Bossier (pop. 389,155) lost 3,298 residents.

By comparison, Jackson, Mississippi (pop. 587,202) had the 33^rd largest percentage of out-migration at .6 percent (a loss of 3,656 residents), and the metro area of Washington, D.C.-Arlington-Alexandria, VA-Maryland-West Virginia, with a population of nearly 6.4 million, had an out-migration of .8 percent, or the equivalent of the population of a mid-sized city: 66,811.

I spent 15 years as emcee of the local comedy club in Baton Rouge and one thing I learned during that time is that occasionally, a joke will literally write itself. Something will happen or someone in the audience will say something that will drop a punchline right into the comic’s lap.

Sometimes it’s so easy and so glaringly obvious that the comic will only have to pause, smile, or raise an eyebrow. Johnny Carson was a master at just the right facial expression without saying a word.

So it was that an email that arrived in my in-box today doesn’t need me or anyone else uttering the obvious punchline. The same thought will involuntarily creep into the mind of everyone who reads this.

The email was from none other than our wingnut Attorney General Jeff Landry – he of the COCAINE DISCOVERY in his apartment when he was a deputy sheriff in St. Martin Parish; he of the political payoff of hiring the DAUGHTER OF THE LOSING CANDIDATE in the 2015 election so that the losing candidate would endorse him (that daughter, by the way had been convicted of fraud and Landry put her in charge of his …fraud division); he of the EXPLOITATION of immigrant labor; he of the expenditure of FAIR HOUSING FUNDS on plastic cups, pens, and keychains; he of the appointment of political supporter SHANE GUIDRY as an investigator, despite his glaring lack of qualifications, in exchange for his appointment to the board of directors of Guidry’s company at $50,000 per year.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to get carried away, but I wanted to be sure you knew which Jeff Landry I was referring to.

Anyway, the email was to announce Landry’s 12^th annual alligator hunt, scheduled for next week (Thursday, September 8 through Sunday, September 10).

This year’s special guest will be none other than another fellow rumored to indulge in nose candy from time to time (I personally have never observed him participating in any such debauchery, but the rumors, like those that swirl around Hunter Biden’s laptop in Repugnantcan circles, are certainly out there – and some people apparently put a lot of stock in such rumors): Donald Trump Jr.

That’s right. Junior will be a participant in this year’s alligator hunt. And for the privilege of rubbing elbows with the former First Goofball, one may become a Swamp Master Corporate Sponsor for the bargain price of $50,000. That will include four hunters, 12 VIP camp passes with access to VIP tent hours, reserved sleeping accommodations, RV parking, listing on the Sponsor Board and – get this – a private breakfast with Landry his own self.

For a mere $25,000, you get six VIP camp passes with access to the VIP tent, reserved sleeping accommodations for two hunters, sponsor naming privileges for water ferries, listing on the Sponsor Board and a single VIP parking pass.

For the more economy-minded, $5,000 will get four camp passes for Friday and Saturday for a single hunter, membership in the “General’s Club,” which will get you into all fundraising events hosted by Landry (with the expectation, of course, of chipping in more love offerings).

Bayou Sponsors can get a Sponsor Board listing and four camp passes for Friday and Saturday for the bargain price of $2,500.

For the cheap bas***ds, $1,000 will get a single hanger-on a one-day camp pass on Friday or Saturday (not both – Landry’s not running a charity here).

Did I mention that the Great White Hunter Donald Trump, Jr. is going to be Landry’s special guest? Oh, I did. Well, you know he ain’t coming here for nothing. It’d be nice to know how much Landry’s paying him. Oh, and also providing entertainment will be Craig Morgan and Gary Levux of Rascal Flatts.

Anyway, here’s Landrys email, which I’m pretty sure was sent to me by mistake:

From: Jeff Landry <jeffl@jefflandry.com>
Date: August 29, 2022 at 2:48:58 PM CDT
To: landrygatorhunt@gmail.com
Subject: Alligator Hunt Special Guest!

The Alligator Hunt is right around the corner and I am so excited to announce a very special guest will be joining our Swamp Masters and Bayou Hosts for our VIP night on Thursday.

We are honored to have Donald Trump Jr. joining the festivities for this special part of the hunt! 

If you have not already signed up as a Swamp Master or Bayou Host, do so now and don’t miss out on the fun and chance to visit with Trump Jr.!

We are also excited to tell you about the special entertainment for the Thursday VIP event – Craig Morgan and Gary Levox of Rascal Flatts will take the stage! 

If you’d like to join us as a Swamp Master or Bayou Host for this special night please contact Andree Miller at 337-351-3014 or at landrygatorhunt@gmail.com

Every year I look forward to this event and it gets better every year. That is because of you and your support – I can’t thank you enough. Let’s have the best Alligator Hunt yet!

Now in case you missed it, here’s the setup for that self-writing joke: You’re going to have Donald Trump, Jr. from New York City and alligators from Louisiana converging at the same place and same time in Louisiana swamps.

I wonder if a little Tony Chachere’s on top-secret documents would appeal to alligators’ palates?

See, I didn’t have to resort to the speculation that ‘gators might find certain human grifters to be too rancid for their tastes.

Now get busy and write your own punchline.