Louisiana Voice

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Those who have experienced near-death experiences have described rising above operating room tables and observing doctors and nurses as they worked on their physical bodies.

If true, they’re truly inspiring stories and it’s a pity legislators and members of Congress can’t rise above chamber floors and actually watch themselves make utter fools of themselves as they pass yet another asinine law or resolution as a kneejerk reaction to some perceived crisis.

Take efforts being led by House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-Louisiana) to amend the National Voter Registration Act of 1993 to require proof of CITIZENSHIP as a qualification to vote in federal elections.

The only problem with that is ALREADY A LAW – and has been for some time now. But hey, a little grandstanding never hurts. Even passing redundant laws can be an effective dog whistle for a targeted constituency.

As of late, we’ve had a lot of hoopla over the content of publications offered by public libraries – and the controversy is far from settled as more and more, certain elements exhibit a dogged determination to dictate tastes and morals – and yes, even history itself – to the rest of society.

The latest infringement on the populace is the Louisiana Legislature’s passage of do-gooder Rep. Dodie Horton’s (R-Haughton) H.B. 122, more commonly known (thanks to Ronda Santis) as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill.

Her bill follows by a couple of years an interesting legislative effort to limit the teaching in public schools to only the positive aspects of AMERICAN HISTORY, including, of course, the absurd claim that SLAVERY was actually a good thing in that it taught slaves a trade.

Such is the ambition of Republicans to seize total control of every aspect of our daily lives that they’re even pushing S.B 313 by Sen. Rick Edmunds (R-Baton Rouge) that would funnel TAXPAYER MONEY into private schools.

By accepting state money, of course, all schools, public and private, would be required to post copies of the TEN COMMANDMENTS in every classroom as per yet another unthinking law just passed, courtesy of…Dodie Horton.

Republicans on both the state and federal level have already climbed into every woman’s uterus and now, having taken control of the bedroom, they want to expand to the CLASSROOM. Keep in mind, this is the party that insists that it wants LESS GOVERNMENT INTRUSION in our daily lives.

These examples only scratch the surface of the mindset of lawmakers as they fall all over themselves in a mad rush to enact the latest designer law intended to adhere to some vague, inane political agenda.

It got so out of hand that the Arizona Supreme Court recently fell back on an archaic 19^th century law that was still on the books to render a judicial OPINION upholding a near total abortion ban.

If we’re going to play that game, here are a few laws that are still on the books in various states that make it illegal to:

• give obedience training to your dog in Hartford, Conn.
• push a moose out of an airplane in Alaska.
• give a lighted cigar to your pet in Illinois.
• shine your shoes after 1 p.m. on Sunday in New York.
• have a sheep in the cab of your truck without s chaperone in Montana (which, of course, makes all manner of bestiality jokes fair game).
• make an ugly face at a dog in Oklahoma.
• eat fried chicken by any means than with your hands in Georgia.
• tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp in Georgia.
• tie a crocodile or alligator to a fire hydrant in both Alabama and Michigan.
• eat ice cream at a counter on Sunday in Winona Lake, Wisc.
• order a slice of cherry pie a la mode in Kansas on Sunday.
• eat a frog in California if it died during a frog-jumping competition.
• eat an orange while taking a bath in California.
• drive while blindfolded in Alabama.
• pretend to be a religious figure in Alabama (which conceivably could adversely affect a lot of evangelicals).
• wear a bulletproof vest while committing a crime in New Jersey (talk about redundancy!).
• talk to students in Tennessee about hand-holding (“Don’t Say Gay” must surely be etched in stone there).
• Erect billboards in Hawaii (now that law makes sense).
• throw urine out of your car in Oregon (another law that makes perfect sense, but you have to wonder what necessitated such a law).
• allow your donkey to sleep in your bathtub after 7 p.m. in Arizona.
• live on a boat for more than 90 days in Georgia (that’d never work in South Louisiana).
• for unmarried couples to live together in West Virginia (but it’s still legal for 12-year-olds there to marry).
• Restaurant wait staff in Utah are required to stand by your table and observe as you consume any alcoholic beverage you may have ordered.
• to fall asleep under a hair dryer in a salon.
• sky-dive on Sundays if you are a single woman in Florida (or course, Rhonda Santis would probably have no problem with either of these).
• wear patent leather shoes in public in Cleveland, Ohio, if you are a woman (because shiny footwear could inadvertently give some man a quick peep show).
• adjust your stockings in public, subject to up to 12 months in the state penitentiary, if you are a woman in Dennison, Texas, or Bristo, Tenn.
• eat raw onions after 6 p.m. for women in Nacodoches, Texas.
• drive a car while wearing a housecoat if you’re a woman in California.
• wear false teeth in Vermont, if you’re a woman, without first obtaining your husband’s permission.

FEDERAL LAWS are little better. Here are a few that can land you in federal court:

• Using a falconry bird in a movie that’s not about falconry;
• Selling runny ketchup (anyone checked out Mar-a-Lago for this?);
• Leaving the country with too many nickels in your pocket (uh… how many is too many?);
• Selling wine with a label that insults the competition;
• Writing checks for less than $1;
• Making “unreasonable” gestures to passing horses;
• Selling oversized or undersized noodles;
• Making it rain with lasers without first informing the government;
• Selling Swiss cheese without holes;
• Having “disruptively” bad hygiene in the Library of Congress;

Go HERE to take a look at additional stupid laws each state still has on the books.

Think such laws only exist in other states? Think again. Here are from Louisiana laws that are still hanging around on the books:

• Goatees are illegal unless you first pay a special licensing fee.
• Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting them with your false teeth constitutes “aggravated assault.”
• Don’t get caught gargling in public (not sure what the penalty is, but don’t get caught).
• In Lafayette, it’s illegal to play a musical instrument without a license in order to gain attention.
• Mourners at a wake are limited to three sandwiches.
• In New Orleans, you’re in violation of the law if you tie your alligator to a fire hydrant (was this ever a problem?).
• For some unknown reason, it’s illegal to send food to an “unwitting participant” (Who know there were “unwitting participants” in eating good food in Louisiana?)
• Snakes are not allowed near a Mardi Gras parade.
• Women, it’s illegal to drive a car unless your husband is waving a flag in front of it (no word on unmarried women driving a car).

Louisiana’s latest addition to this list of absurdities? How about mandating the posting of a single version of the Ten Commandments (to the exclusion of at least four others) and our very own “Don’t Say Gay” law?

All of which goes to underscore a rather depressing point: legislators and members of Congress are never so bored that they can’t dream up some useless bit of legislation to throw up against the wall to see if it’ll stick. It’s kinda their way of entertaining themselves between making those pesky but oh-so-necessary telephone calls to solicit campaign donations.

Some explanation is in order after our web page went dark for several days. It seems my subscription to the page had expired and I never received notice because our email address was changed and the folks who needed to know that didn’t.

Restoring the page took some doing – mainly by the person who set the page up in the first place. Without him, I’m lost because creating web pages is way above my pay grade.

But, bottom line, we’re finally up and running again. Thanks for your patience.

Also, as the days of May dwindle away, so do the days of our Spring fundraiser. We have only the rest of the month so if you have not given and are able to do so, please click on the yellow DONATE button below and to the right and contribute by credit card. Your help in keeping us going with stories like the one below is greatly appreciated.

Sometimes you just gotta wonder what our lawmakers are using for brains.

We listen to their campaign ads (no matter how hard we try to block out all the white noise) and we elect ‘em to go to Washington – or in our particular state’s case, Baton Rouge – and somehow expect them to become our representative rocks of responsibility and responsiveness.

And virtually without fail, we’re dismally disappointed, disillusioned and demoralized.

Okay, that’s it for the alliterations. But you get my drift.

Take the current hoopla on noncitizen voting, for example. Congressional right-wingers Sen. Mike Lee of Utah and Rep. Chip Roy of Texas are co-sponsoring a bill to make it ILLEGAL for non-citizens to vote in federal elections.

House Speaker Mike Johnson – one of several political hacks who represent Louisiana, by the way – is solidly behind the bill even though Arkansas was the very last state to pass just such a law prohibiting non-citizens from voting in federal elections – in 1926, almost a century ago.

The law is a little more vague for some state elections, but Lee’s and Roy’s bill does not address state elections. It specifically applies to federal elections, already quite well addressed and addressed AGAIN in 1996.

Johnson, as you may or may not know, fancies himself as a constitutional scholar. That being the case, why doesn’t he know that Lee’s and Roy’s bill is a tad redundant? The answer is, he does. He just doesn’t give a damn. It’s political rhetoric, pure grandstanding. Period.

That, then, raises a second question: why are Johnson, Roy, Lee, Trump advisor and racist in-residence Stephen Miller and nutcase, er conservative activist Cleta Mitchell pushing the bill so avidly? For that answer, I’ll allow two Republicans to respond. Republican consultant Charlie Black said, “The people who are promoting it know it is already illegal. But they hope by promoting the issue to convince voters that illegal immigrants are voting.”

Former Rep. Charlie Dent was even more succinct: “They’re trying to tie this to the border issue. It’s completely campaign-driven by challenging Democrats to vote against it.”

Louisiana voters even TIGHTENED restrictions on non-citizens in 2022 via a constitutional amendments – apparently the legislature’s urgent reaction to that stolen 2020 election.

For more reading on a law that’s already firmly established on the books, go HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.

All of which begs yet another question: why the hell don’t these people just do their jobs and work for what is best for the country instead of what’s best for the party?

That, of course, will never be answered as long as big money running the political process and mentally deficient mouth-breathers representing us in Washington and Baton Rouge.

And that brings me to Baton Rouge and the Louisiana State Senate’s ill-advised bill passed by votes of 82-19 by the HOUSE and 30-8 in the SENATE that would require all schools receiving state aid to post the TEN COMMANDMENTS in each and every classroom.

It’s not that I believe the Ten Commandments themselves are ill-advised. Taken at face value and adhered to by every individual on the planet, I believe they would be the only laws necessary for civilization to exist and advance. Having said that, I don’t want any of the trolls out there to try and say I’m against the Ten Commandments.

But I couldn’t help but notice there was nothing in the bill requiring the posting of the Commandments in the halls, offices and chambers of the Louisiana State Capitol complex. That’s because, as the well-worn jokes goes, prohibiting lying, stealing, adultery and the worship of false idols (money) could create a hostile work environment.

But Rep. Dodie Horton (R-Haughton) might have been wiser put a little more thought into her bill before filing it and the Legislature probably should’ve done a little more research before passing it.

For example: which version of the Ten Commandments is to be posted in the classrooms?

I mean, Protestants have one version that is worded slightly differently than the Catholic version. And then there are commandments that are etched into the beliefs of Hindus, Buddhist and even Islamics. Here they are:

Protestant Ten Commandments

• You shall have no other gods but me.
• You shall not make unto you any graven images
• You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain
• You shall remember the Sabbath and keep it holy
• Honor your mother and father
• You shall not murder
• You shall not commit adultery
• You shall not steal
• You shall not bear false witness
• You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor

Catholic Ten Commandments

• I, the Lord, am your God. You shall not have other gods besides me.
• You shall not take the name of the Lord God in vain
• Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day
• Honor your father and your mother
• You shall not kill
• You shall not commit adultery
• You shall not steal
• You shall not bear false witness
• You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife
• You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods

Hindu Commandments

• Satya (Truth)
• Ahimsa (Non-violence)
• Brahmacharya (Celibacy, non-adultery)
• Asteya (No desire to possess or steal)
• Aparighara (Non-corrupt)
• Shaucha (Cleanliness)
• Santosh (Contentment)
• Swadhyaya (Reading of scriptures)

Buddhism Ten Commandments

• Abstinence from destroying life.
• Abstinence from taking what is not given.
• Abstinence from unchastity.
• Abstinence from falsehood.
• Abstinence from spirituous liquors, strong drink, intoxicants, which are a cause of negligence.
• Abstinence from eating at the wrong time [i.e. after noon].
• Abstinence from looking at dancing, singing, music, and plays.
• Abstinence from wearing garlands, scents, unguents, ornaments, and adornments, which are a cause of negligence.
• Abstinence from a high or large bed.
• Abstinence from accepting gold and silver.

The Ten Commandments of the Qur’an 29

• Your God is one God. There is no God but him, the Gracious, the Merciful
• Do not call upon another god alongside Allah. There is no God but him. Everything will perish but his countenance. Judgment belongs to him, and to him you will return.
• Unto Allah belong the best names, so call upon him by them and leave those who violate the sanctity of his names.
• O you who believe, when the prayer is announced on Friday, then proceed to the remembrance of Allah and leave trade. That is better for you, if you only knew. No one takes a bath on Friday, purifies himself as much as he can, uses oil or perfume in his house, then proceeds for prayer and does not separate two persons sitting together, then prays as much as is written for him and remains silent while the prayer leader is delivering the sermon, except that his minor sins between this Friday and the previous would be forgiven.
• Worship Allah and associate nothing with him, and be good to parents and relatives.
• The believers are those who do not call upon another god alongside Allah or kill the soul which Allah has made sacred except by right of justice.
• Do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is immoral and an evil way.
• Do not consume the wealth of each other in falsehood.
• O you who believe, fear Allah and always speak the truth.
• Do they envy people for what Allah has given them of his bounty?

So, Rep. Horton, which one is it gonna be? Or do you propose posting all five in every classroom?

If you choose just one, you’re going to be in direct violation of the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution which says quite explicitly: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” (emphasis mine)

I think I can safely predict that if you omit even one of the above versions, the Gret Stet of Looziana is gonna find itself embroiled in some nasty and expensive litigation of (excuse the bad pun) Biblical proportions. Of course, it’ll be a financial windfall for the contract attorneys who made significant campaign contributions to the right candidates.

There appears to be considerable mischief afoot in Catahoula Parish and it seems to keep circling back to the sheriff’s office and the Catahoula Correctional Center.

There is no shortage of verified reports (and photos) and several more unverified claims that might seem to attract an investigative audit by the Legislative Auditor. While some events might only cause raised eyebrows and knowing looks, others call into question the legality of the expenditure of public funds.

And then there are the allegations of beatings at the Catahoula Correctional Center, now run by Sheriff Toney Edwards after his office bought the facility for about $12 million from LaSalle Corrections which has experienced its own public image problems. There have been reports of:

• At least two inmate deaths at the correctional center;
• Twenty stabbings in a single month;
• Inmates beaten by inmates;
• Inmates beaten by guards;
• The arrest of corrections center employees for smuggling contraband into the facility;
• The use of inmate labor to cut firewood that a prison official sold for personal profit;
• The use of inmate labor to perform construction projects for private citizens;
• The use of inmate labor to construct a storm shelter for Edwards and his family;
• The use of public funds to purchase materials for the storm shelter – from a Mississippi firm;
• A cozy relationship with the former sheriff of a neighboring parish who operates two companies that conduct business with the correctional center;
• Nearly a dozen deputies having been fired by Edwards in recent months, leaving a force mostly devoid of Police Officer Standards and Training (POST) certification.

In a move that was eerily reminiscent of similar actions by the sheriffs of ST. TAMMANY and TERREBONNE parishes, Edwards even had a local man arrested and jailed for five days for the unforgivable sin of saying something bad to hurt Edwards’s feelings. What makes that problematic, however, is a little something called the First Amendment which covers things like free expression – and the 1973 ruling by the Louisiana Supreme Court that said the state’s criminal defamation law was unconstitutional. The state court’s ruling followed by nine years a similar 1964 ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court. Nice to know the state finally got around to acknowledging it. Now, if only these Roscoe P. Coltrane sheriffs could just get the message…

Edwards also spent a million bucks to purchase a run-down, overpriced building and promptly moved his office out of the courthouse and into the newly-acquired building. AUDITORS did question the method by which Edwards purchased the building without State Bond Commission approval or without even an appraisal of the property which was originally built for about $40,000.

Edwards, seeing Catahoula Parish as the hotbed of political unrest as it must surely be, saw the need to purchase an armored vehicle for his department for the paltry sum of $277,000, a bargain by any standard. It’s unclear how many insurrections and/or riots have been snuffed out by using the prodigious machine but I’m told it really looks good in parades.

Around 9 p.m. on Oct. 29, 2023, there was a reported homicide at the correctional center. On arrival at the facility, deputies found inmate Montrell Rogers dead from multiple stab wounds.

A deputy, in his report, said Rogers had been transferred from East Carroll Parish to the Catahoula facility at Harrisonburg (local attorney Paul Lemke told LouisianaVoice in November 2022 that the Department of Corrections routinely moves prisons from site to site in efforts to conceal them from their attorneys and families).

The report, witnessed by another deputy, confirmed local attorney Paul Lemke’s 2022 assertion that Rogers had told Catahoula officials that he would be killed if sent to the Harrisonburg prison. “…[H]e told then-Capt. Jeremy Wiley, who was the night shift supervisor over the facility that he would be killed if he was put in any dorm or with other inmates,” the report said. “Capt. Wiley ignored his please and placed him in J-Dorm where approximately 10 minutes later, he was attacked by multiple inmates and killed.” Edwards was advised of that information “but no further action was taken,” the report said

Instead, Wiley was promoted to warden of the center to succeed Pat Book upon his retirement.

On May 5, 2022, then-Deputy Russell Evans, on Edwards’s orders, drove a correctional center vehicle to Washington, Mississippi, where he purchased building materials from Miss-Lou Steel Supply at a cost of $4,298, charged to the correctional center.

(To view entire document below, slide gray bar at bottom of illustration to the right.)

Prison labor was employed to then use the taxpayer-funded materials to construct a storm shelter which, upon completion, was transported by Edwards and Det. Ben Adams to Edwards’s Jonesville home for the sheriff’s personal use. To see a photo of the storm shelter, go HERE.

Then there is the business arrangement with Britts Distributing in nearby Tensas Parish. Britts Distributing is owned and operated by former Tensas Parish Sheriff Jeff Britt. Britt, while sheriff, was charged in a federal indictment with beating a handcuffed prisoner with his “hands, feet or a blackjack.” Britt was also charged in the same 1998 indictment with lying to the FBI about the incident. He pleaded guilty in 1999 to a lesser charge of malfeasance in office. A condition of his plea bargain was that he would resign as sheriff and he was ordered to make restitution of $21,568 in connection with yet another charge of misappropriation of funds.

In August 2018, then-Gov. John Bel Edwards took the unusual step of not only issuing Britt a full pardon and then named him to the board of the Louisiana Used Motor Vehicle Commission.

But Britt has been simultaneously operating two businesses from the same address in Monterey, Louisiana. The first, INMATE FINANCIAL SERVICES (IFS), allows inmates’ families to purchase commissary credits so that they in turn may purchase overpriced snacks, toiletries, and soft drinks from prisons’ commissaries. IFS touts the ability of families to purchase credits via computer, using standard credit cards. “You are no longer bound to automated phone systems or the hassle of drop boxes and facility personnel, or having to drive out of your way to make a deposit,” the IFS web page boasts.

The web page also says its service is provided “at no cost to the facility,” but does allude to “administrative fees” charged to inmates’ families who use the online service

But at the other end of the transaction, Britt also operates Britts Distribution. Britts Distribution does not have a web page per se, but it has little need for one: it has a captive audience (pun intended) in inmates who have no alternative but the prison commissary if they wish to purchase any of the aforementioned products. And Britts Distribution, like any other commissary vendor, charges prisoners outrageous prices for (often) stale snacks.

Britt also provides PFS and vendor services for prison commissaries in several surrounding parishes. It all evokes memories of Waylon Jennings singing the theme song for Dukes of Hazzard:

Just good ol’ boys

Never meanin’ no harm

Beats all you never saw…