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Louisiana’s Superintendent of Education doesn’t seem to be very smart. But don’t worry, he appears to have plenty company.

Paul Pastorek, originally appointed by Gov. Kathleen Blanco and retained by Bobby Jindal, is quick to blame the teachers of any school or school system that is shown to be failing.

But when test scores improve, guess who takes full credit? Okay, that was too easy.

But to repeat, he doesn’t seem to be very smart, especially for a lawyer, the occupational genus from which he was plucked to save Louisiana public education.

Taking the typical legal approach, Pastorek, without ever admitting actual culpability, earlier this month said he would repay the state $4,185 for dozens of private trips taken in a state vehicle by Paul Vallas, head the department’s Recovery School District. Both Pastorek and Vallas have insisted they were unaware that it was improper to take the Dodge Durango out of state on personal business, including several trips to visit family in Chicago. It was on one of the Chicago trips that Vallas wrecked the state car, the incident that led to the discovery of its out-of-state use.

What part of “improper use” don’t they understand?

In June, Higher Education Commissioner Sally Clausen resigned after it became public that she had furtively retired in August of 2009 without informing the Board of Regents, her bosses, only to be rehired after missing exactly one day of work. While entirely legal, the resulting flak caused her to become, in her own words, a “constant distraction.” The retire-rehire move netted her a $90,000 payout for unused sick leave and vacation time and entitled her to an annual pension of $146,400 on top of her regular salary.

It is still not certain as to who was responsible for “re-hiring” her. The Board of Regents is the hiring authority for the commissioner’s position and no member of the board has ever acknowledged knowing of her move in advance or indeed, for a full nine months after the fact. And she couldn’t very well re-hire herself, given the fact that she had resigned her position.

For questionable actions that may not necessarily be illegal but which have raised eyebrows for their apparent indiscretion, one need only pick a year. Take 2005, for example. In March of that year, Commissioner of Insurance Robert Wooley apparently felt his department needed a $40,000 special Harley-Davidson edition Ford truck, complete with heated seats, a camper package, diesel engine, red flames painted on the side, and a CD changer.

Wooley said he saw the vehicle on a car lot and wanted it so he traded in a year-old Eddie Bauer-designer edition Ford Expedition with only 30,000 miles on it. “I ain’t going to jail,” Wooley sniffed. “I sleep well every night.”

Edwin Edwards went to jail. So did former Commissioner of Elections Jerry Fowler and Commissioners of Insurance Sherman Bernard and Doug Green. Likewise Agriculture Commissioner Gil Dozier, three consecutive sheriffs in St. Helena Parish, and several judges in Orleans and Jefferson parishes. Former Congressman William Jefferson appears headed for jail for corruption and Federal Judge Thomas Porteous just underwent a rigorous impeachment trial with the U.S. Senate expected to render its verdict by Thanksgiving. Insurance Commissioner Jim Brown also went to jail but on the flimsiest of charges, that of lying to the FBI in an informal interview.

Senator David Vitter and former Congressman Bob Livingston both became involved in extra-marital affairs. Vitter’s was with a prostitute and Livingston’s affair was revealed at the same time he was calling for Bill Clinton’s resignation over the president’s Monica Lewinsky scandal. Livingston subsequently resigned from Congress only to emerge as a major player among the K Street lobbyists in Washington.

Vitter was considered vulnerable until Chet Traylor, a former Louisiana Supreme Court justice, decided to run against him and in so doing ended up making Vitter look good by comparison. Not only did Traylor have an affair with a Winnsboro legislator’s wife, but after they married and she later died, he began an affair with his stepson’s ex-wife. Traylor, who initially was considered a viable candidate, ended up with about 7 percent of the vote in the Republican primary.

In August, a federal jury in Shreveport convicted former State Senator Charles Jones of Monroe of tax evasion.

Just last week New Orleans Deputy Mayor Greg St. Etienne resigned. Hired by Mayor Mitch Landrieu to supervise the city’s chief financial office, he is accused of misuse of $500,000 in federal loans at a nonprofit organization he once ran.

Then there is Eddie Jordan, the man who put Edwin Edwards away.

Jordan, who succeeded Harry Connick as Orleans Parish district attorney, became embroiled in controversy almost from the day he took office. He summarily fired all his white assistant district attorneys who promptly filed suit. A jury found in favor of the fired workers and awarded them $3.7 million.

Jordan also came under heavy criticism for releasing suspects in high profile murder cases and in one instance, a suspect sought by police fled to Jordan’s home. In 2007, he released a suspect in the murders of five teenagers, saying that his office was unable to locate a key witness in the case. The New Orleans Police Department promptly produced the witness, who was in their custody all along. Later that same year, Jordan resigned.

But those are the high-profile cases. It’s those lawmakers and agency heads who try to fly just below the radar who sometimes are exposed as guilty of at least questionable behavior.

Whether it’s a legislator voting in favor of a bill that would benefit him financially or a pair of legislators swapping out Tulane scholarships in order to circumvent the prohibition against awarding the scholarships to family members, there are numerous conflicts of interest that often go unreported. Many public officials simply ignored that stipulation and put entire families through Tulane with the scholarships. (The families of former Crowley Judge Edmund Reggie and former New Orleans Mayor Moon Landrieu come to mind.)

But what could any more of a conflict than a legislator’s making it a common practice to sue the state? It would be akin to a member of the board of Wal-Mart, IBM, or Exxon suing their companies on behalf of clients who walk in off the street.

It’s assumed that legislators take an oath to protect the state fisc, or treasury, but that almost seems mythical these days. But don’t try to tell State Sen. Rob Marionneaux (D-Livonia) that. Not only does he sue the state on a regular basis, but he recently found himself in hot water when he attempted to negotiate a settlement between LSU and his client, Bernhard Mechanical. The State Board of Ethics said Marionneaux told LSU representatives that Bernard would accept $7.1 million from LSU and that he would secure a legislative appropriation of an additional $5.5 million.

The board further said that Marionneaux violated the law by not notifying the board that he was representing Bernard Mechanical. Marionneaux countered by saying he was not required to do so. He elaborated by saying the reporting requirement does not apply to lawyers who are legislators.

In June, however, even as the ethics board was investigating him, Marionneaux attempted to slip language into a bill that would eliminate requirements that he disclose his representation of Bernard to the board. The bill failed.

Perhaps then, it should be no surprise that Pastorek, who said he gave permission to Vallas to use the vehicle on the trips, said of the repayment, “I don’t think legally, technically, I have to, but my feeling is we need to get this behind us and move forward.”

A legislative auditor’s report said Vallas, who doesn’t fly, used the state-owned SUV for dozens of visits to family in Illinois and along the Gulf Coast from the time he was hired in July 2007 through April 2009. Vallas admitted to auditors that 31 of his 41 trips out of Louisiana were not work-related.

Vallas no longer has a state vehicle. Instead, he has been given a $2,200 per month car allowance in addition to his $252,689 yearly salary.

Considering the number of trips taken and time away from the office for Vallas, plus repairs to the Durango, Pastorek may have gotten off light with paying $4,185 (gasoline alone should have exceeded that amount).

If that’s not sufficiently magnanimous of Pastorek, a week later he graciously declined a pay raise after receiving a favorable review of his job performance by the Board of Elementary and Secondary Education but not before making it clear that he had earned the increase had he opted to take it.

It may have come as a surprise that he was even eligible for a pay increase when state classified workers were denied raises by the governor earlier this year. Pastorek, as a political appointee, is unclassified or non-civil service. His salary is $287,907, plus a housing allowance of $57,240 and a car allowance of $31,800. A 6 percent raise would have meant an additional $22,616 in annual compensation for Pastorek.

All things considered, it’s probably no surprise that a writer for the Chicago Tribune rated Louisiana worse than Illinois in public corruption.

Maybe new Southern University President Ronald Mason Jr. knew what he was doing when he brought his own lawyer onto the Southern payroll even as the university was laying off 50 employees.

Mason came to Southern from Jackson State University in Mississippi and brought both his Chief of Staff Evola Bates ($150,000 per year) and Executive Counsel Byron Williams ($120,000).

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            The 2010 regular legislative session stumbled to a finish this week with the usual bickering over budget cuts for education and public health and appropriations for legislators’ home districts. Only this year the cuts were deeper in an effort to offset as much as $300 million in deficits which caused the local pork projects to be even more questionable.

            Even as state property was being sold off, agencies privatized, education and health care budgets slashed, and merit increases for state classified employees frozen (because the raises would cost the state $20 million), lawmakers managed to tack on $33 million in amendments to HB-76 to fund pet projects in their districts.

Otherwise known as the ancillary fund, or the Supplemental Appropriations Bill, HB-76 passed both houses without a negative vote, passing 88-0 in the House with 15 absentees, and 37-0 in the Senate with two members not present.

            Those not voting included Reps. James Armes (D-Leesville), Gordon Dove (R-Houma), Noble Ellington (D-Winnsboro), Rickey Hardy (D-Lafayette), Lowell Hazel (R-Pineville), Nita Hutter (R-Chalmette), Chuck Kleckley (R-Lake Charles), John LaBruzzo (R-Metairie), Bernard LeBas (D-Ville Platte), Nick Monica (R-LaPlace), Kevin Pearson (R-Slidell), Erich Ponti (R-Baton Rouge), Gary Smith (D-Norco), Ricky Templet (R-Gretna), and Ernest Wooton (R-Belle Chasse), and Sens. Daniel Martiny (R-Baton Rouge), and Joe McPherson (D-Baton Rouge).

            HB-76, with the $33 million in amendments, includes but is not limited to the following appropriations:

  • Nearly $1.5 million on 50 parish councils on aging;
  • More than $3.75 million for municipalities and parishes for unspecific purposes;
  • Eddie Robinson Museum in Grambling ($20,000);
  • Festival and cultural activities ($40,000);
  • Louisiana Council on the Social Status of Black Boys and Men ($100,000);
  • Greenwell Springs Road Economic Development District ($100,000);
  • Louisiana Political Hall of Fame and Museum in Winnfield ($150,000);
  • Arts Program for decentralized arts ($750,000);
  • Jefferson Performing Arts Society ($210,000);
  • Jefferson Parish Human Services Authority ($255,000);
  • Livingston Parish for economic development studies for a parish airport ($25,000);
  • Vernon Parish Police Jury for fairground cattle fences ($20,000);
  • Tioga High School in Rapides Parish ($20,000);
  • Ouachita Parish for rehabilitation of J.S. Clark Cemetery ($30,000);
  • Catholic Charities Archdiocese of New Orleans ($100,000);
  • Catholic Charities Archdiocese of New Orleans, Foster Grandparents program ($40,000);
  • East New Orleans Neighborhood Advisory Commission ($70,000);
  • Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Department’s Cops and Clergy Program ($25,000);
  • Tipitina’s Foundation in New Orleans ($10,000);
  • Construction of an animal shelter in St. Charles Parish ($250,000);
  • Animal shelter operations, St. Charles Parish ($50,000);
  • Construction of an emergency operations center in St. Charles Parish ($100,000);
  • St. Charles Parish Hospital for emergency room equipment ($175,000);
  • Gretna Fest ($200,000);
  • Heritage Festival in Gretna ($10,000);
  • Baton Rouge park improvements ($100,000);
  • Terrebonne Parish regional military museum ($20,000);
  • Farmers’ and Fishermens’ Market in Westwego ($100,000);
  • Westwego Performing Arts Center ($250,000);
  • Northeast Louisiana Delta African American Heritage Museum ($5,000);
  • New Orleans for workforce development, cultural, and enrichment programs ($300,000);
  • Renovation of high school gym in Marksville into a community center ($200,000);
  • New Orleans recreational and cultural activities ($75,000);
  • Le Petit Theatre du Vieux Carre in New Orleans ($25,000);
  • Louisiana Center Against Poverty, Lake Providence ($150,000);
  • City of Alexandria for health care related to sickle cell anemia ($35,000);
  • North Iberville Community Center ($50,000);
  • DeRidder Area Ministerial Alliance for God’s Food Box ($15,000);
  • Doyle High School in Livingston for band equipment ($10,000);

            The appropriations for municipalities and parishes, for the most part, were approved with little or no explanation or justification other than for “infrastructure improvements.”

            Other appropriations amended into HB-76 by legislators were for police and sheriff’s departments, local fire departments, voluntary fire departments, parks, libraries, water and sewer systems, airports, parks, road repair and construction, and non-profit entities.

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            If the recently-concluded legislative session proved anything, it’s that lawmakers have little or no self-discipline when it comes to budgetary restraint in the face of overwhelming revenue shortfalls.

            Even as higher education was groping with ways to survive up to $310 million in cuts, legislators went on their annual spending binge. As if the $4.55 billion capital outlay budget crammed with local pork were not enough, legislators raided more than $140 million from the state emergency response fund, earmarking an additional $33 million for even more local projects in the ancillary budget, also identified as HB-76.

            The cuts to the Department of Health and Hospitals and higher education seemed not to matter a whit to some lawmakers. Rep. James Fannin (D-Jonesboro), defending the HB-76 pork, sniffed, “I don’t have an LSU in my district,” apparently forgetting for the moment that he most likely has quite a few constituents enrolled at LSU as well as LSU-Shreveport, Southern University-Shreveport, Northwestern State University, Louisiana Tech University, Grambling State University, or the University of Louisiana Monroe, all within an hour’s drive from his district.

            Not that LSU helped itself in the fiscal doom and gloom dialogue.

            Even as LSU System President John Lombardi was busy identifying $46 million in potential budget cuts, the LSU Board of Supervisors approved pay increases for two associate athletic directors. While faculty and support staff layoffs were being considered across campus, Senior Associate Athletic Director Verge Ausberry was awarded a 27 percent raise from $130,000 to $165,000. Fellow Senior Associate AD Mark Ewing, meanwhile, got a pay bump of 11 percent, from $155,000 to $172,000.

            Nor did Gov. Bobby Jindal attempt to stare down lawmakers, possibly out of concern of pushing the legislature into holding the first-ever veto session. He managed to veto 32 projects in HB-76 totaling only $2 million, leaving $31 million intact, and only eight projects totaling $20.1 million of the capital outlay bill (HB-2), trimming those expenditures all the way to $4.35 billion.

            For a year or more now, the media have trumpeted impending fiscal disaster as revenue shortfalls devastated agency budgets across the board. Yet lawmakers, seemingly oblivious to it all, continued to plow local projects into a budget already strained to the breaking point. If any of the 144 legislators were worried, no one appeared to exhibit concern. So eager to bring money back home were legislators that a $100,000 appropriation for Centenary College in Shreveport, a private Methodist school, was approved.

            Among the projects legislators poured into the Supplemental Appropriations Bill (HB-76) and the Capital Outlay Bill (HB-2) were:

  • Nearly $1.5 million on 50 parish councils on aging;
  • More than $29 million for municipalities and parishes for unspecified purposes;
  • $43.7 million in arts programs statewide;
  • $600,000 for an animal shelters in St. Charles and Livingston parishes;
  • $6.9 million for the Louisiana Sports Hall of Fame in Natchitoches;
  • $18.7 million for professional sports facilities in Jefferson and Orleans parishes;
  • $12.7 million for golf complex facilities in Orleans and Calcasieu parishes;
  • $9.37 million in ground water reservoirs;
  • $7.5 million in local sewer system projects;
  • $19.9 million in local courthouse construction projects;
  • $17.1 million for Bayou Segnette Festival Park and Sports Complex improvements;
  • $18.5 million for recreational improvements in Jefferson, Vernon, Tangipahoa, Orleans, East Baton Rouge, and Iberia parishes;
  • $3.8 million for an activity center in Morehouse Parish;
  • $3.5 million for land acquisition in St. James Parish;
  • $4.6 million for renovations to the Baton Rouge River Center;
  • $1.4 million for baseball stadium improvements in Baton Rouge;
  • $1.17 million for renovations to the Zephyrs baseball facilities in Jefferson Parish;
  • $3.5 million for museums throughout the state;
  • $2 million for a farmers and fisheries market in Jefferson Parish;
  • $11 million for the Audubon 2000 renovations;
  • $3.8 million for tennis center improvements at New Orleans City Park;
  • $26.5 million for the National World War II Museum;
  • $400,000 for a bike trail in Orleans Parish;
  • $1.7 million for the Little Theatre of Shreveport;
  • $1.1 million for the Louisiana Military Hall of Fame & Museum in Houma;
  • $1.8 million for a multi-purpose vocational center and shelter in Tangipahoa Parish;
  • $2.6 million for the Algiers Development District;
  • $2 million for the New Orleans Music Hall of Fame;
  • $2.4 million for YMCA facilities in Orleans and East Baton Rouge parishes;
  • $2.3 million for multi-purpose facilities in Franklin and East Baton Rouge parishes;
  • $5.4 million for the Forts Randolph and Buhlow Historic Site;

            Several million in additional funding was approved for local fire districts, police departments, municipal buildings, and sheriffs’ offices, bringing the cost of local pork projects to more than half-a-billion dollars, easily surpassing the $310 million in budget reductions to higher education.

            In the wake of such a bleak financial future currently being faced by the state, the obvious question is who would vote for such reckless spending? Try 86 of 105 House members and 35 of 39 Senators on HB-2. On HB-76 (the Supplemental Spending Bill), the count was 88 House members in favor and 37 Senators. In fact, it would be easier to name those who voted against the bills. Those figures are seven nays in the house for HB-2 and zero in the Senate. Zero was also the number of votes against HB-76 in both chambers though there were some notable absentees.

            House members voting against HB-2 were Jerry Gisclair of LaRose, Juan LaFonta of New Orleans, Rogers Pope of Denham Springs, Clifton Richardson of Baton Rouge, John Schroder of Abita Springs, M.S. “Mert” Smiley of Port Vincent, Mack “Bodi” White of Denham Springs.

            Absent House members or those not voting included Elton Aubert of Vacherie, Jared Brossett of New Orleans, Timothy Burns of Mandeville, Billy Chandler of Dry Prong, Gordon Dove of Houma, James Fannin of Jonesboro, A.B. Franklin of Lake Charles, John LaBruzzo of Metairie, Joseph Lopinto of Metairie, Rickey Nowlin of Natchitoches, Joel Robideaux of Lafayette and Karen St. Germain of Plaquemine.

            Senate members who apparently were too busy to vote on the second biggest spending bill on the final day of the session included Jack Donahue of Mandeville, Dale Erdy of Livingston, Robert Kostelka of Monroe and Jean-Paul Morrell of New Orleans.

            House absentees on the vote on HB-76 were James Armes of Leesville, Dove, Noble Ellington of Winnsboro, Rickey Hardy of Lafayette, Lowell Hazel of Pineville, Nita Rusich Hutter of Chalmette, Charles “Chuck” Kleckley of Lake Charles, LaBruzzo, H. Bernard LeBas of Ville Platte, Nickie Monica of LaPlace, J. Kevin Pearson of Slidell, Erich Ponti of Baton Rouge, Gary Smith of Norco, Ricky Templet of Gretna, and Ernest Wooton of Belle Chasse.

            Only two senators did not vote up or down on HB-76. They were Daniel Martiny of Metairie and Joe McPherson of Woodworth.

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Gross Ignorance and the Louisiana Legislature

            In keeping with the imminent opening of the 2010 Louisiana legislative session on March 29, today’s civics lesson will consider the origins of the term gross ignorance.

            Anyone in commercial shipping, purchasing, or inventory knows that a gross is a dozen dozen, or 144. So how does that translate to gross ignorance and what could it possibly have to do with the approaching session?

            Simple. There are 144 members of the Louisiana Legislature. Next question.

            As of close of business on March 19, more than 1200 bills had been pre-filed for consideration in this year’s session. There likely will be hundreds more before the opening gavel. Many of these same bills pop up every year and are summarily killed in committee.

There are also many bills that overlap or which are redundant. And even as legislators deplore overcrowded conditions in the state’s prisons, each successive year finds a glut of bills by pro-law-and-order legislators seeking to impose stricter penalties on a wide range of crimes which, if passed, would—you guessed it—add to prison overcrowding.

Then there are the bills that are self-serving at best and inane at worst. But even the occasional bill that has merit might be misunderstood if one goes only by the summary provided by the House in the list of bills pre-filed so far. These are the ones we will look at today. Here are the verbatim summaries in italics, followed by my comments. You are free to write your own.

HB8: Provides for the disposal of noncontraband unclaimed property seized in certain criminal investigations. “You take the Rolex; I’ll take the BMW….”

            HB16: Provides for the certification of concealed handgun permit instructors. Why would we want to certify a concealed instructor?

            HB22: Deletes the requirement that all witnesses to the execution of a death sentence shall be Louisiana citizens. We believe Texans could learn from us.

            HB26: Creates the crime of simple battery during a parade. As opposed to, say, during an opera?

            HB101: Provides term limits for judges, district attorneys, and sheriffs. Some of those should be limited to zero terms.

            HB103: Creates the crime of unlawfully wearing clothing which exposes undergarments or certain body parts. About time someone criminalized bad taste. But you still can’t fix stupid.

            HB112: Creates the crime of obstructing a law enforcement officer. Obviously, this legislator has never watched COPS.

            HB133: Provides relative to the authority of members of the legislature to attend meetings of public bodies. Like maybe legislative committee meetings and floor sessions?

            HB135: Provides sanctions for frivolous appeals and writ applications. How about filing frivolous bills?

            HB149: Authorizes per diem for the members of the St. Helena Parish Tourist Commission. Has any tourist ever set foot in St. Helena Parish? On purpose?

            HB155: Allows a ticket to an athletic contest of an institution of higher education to be sold for more than face value in certain situations. Like when a legislator has a schedule conflict and wants to unload his primo tickets.

            HB159: Prohibits governing authorities from imposing civil fines for traffic violations without a vote of the people. This bill was withdrawn before its author was totally embarrassed.

            HB211: Allows off-road vehicles to be operated on state college and university streets. This would be right after the keg party at the frat house.

            HB212: Authorizes a federal judge to perform a marriage ceremony for a specified limited time period. Marriage ceremonies have always been too long anyway.

            HB256: Prohibits the Port of New Orleans from expanding its territorial jurisdiction. Like to, say, Dry Prong.

            HB257: Provides relative to academic tutoring for certain student athletes in public elementary and secondary schools. Elementary schools? Really?

            HB261: Re-creates the Department of State. Hillary will be happy to know this.

            HB270: Provides for additional tuition charges on a per-hour basis. Would a student get a rebate for cutting class?

            HB271: Creates the crime of illegally selling urine or adulterants to circumvent screening tests. A guy would hate do this only to learn that tests showed he was pregnant.

            HB296: Allows a public servant to accept certain gifts for customary social occasions. This would put civil servants on an equal footing with legislators who never gave up the gifts.

            HB298: Allows persons riding bicycles upon a roadway, which includes an improved shoulder, the option of riding on the improved shoulder. As opposed to the ditch?

            HB301: Grants the Louisiana Tax Commission the authority to manage its own budget, procurement, and general management and operational functions. Finally! The agency that takes our tax money is going to be trusted with handling its own finances. Beautiful.

            HB312: Allows minors at least 16 years of age to donate blood with parental consent. In our day, that was called discipline.

            HB320: Provides for the confiscation and destruction of a criminal instrument. That should take care of my neighbor’s guitar.

            HB348: Amends penalties imposed for a convicted felon in possession of a firearm. Be careful, he’s armed.

HB350: Increases fine for seat belt violations. Just how does one go about violating a seat belt?

            HB356: Designates an overpass. Okay, it’s an overpass.

            HB361: Creates the crime of battery of a health care provider. See HB 26 above.

            HB364: Provides relative to the Horsemen’s Workers’ Compensation Program. Wait. What?

            HB369: Authorizes DOTD (Department of Transportation and Development) to use monies from the Transportation Trust Fund to fund ferries that are not connected to state roads. Everybody knows that in Louisiana, you have to be connected to get funded.

            HB372: Repeals provisions relative to speed limits on I-10 in St. Tammany Parish. What, are they also going to rename it Autobahn II?

            HB374: Limits fines imposed for traffic offenses captured by automated traffic enforcement systems. Guess who got busted?

            HB380: Provides for the definition of “rural hospital. That would be a facility where Jethro Bodine is the brain surgeon and they use a real live Labrador for lab tests and a real live cat for CAT scans.

            HB396: Provides for changes to the Louisiana Underground Utilities and Facilities Damage Prevention Law. For starters, make the name shorter.

            HB419: Requires law enforcement officials to undergo training on the use of tasers. Aren’t they proficient enough already?

            HB421: Provides relative to the authority of a local school board to deny admission or readmission to school of certain students.

            HB422: Provides relative to children exempted from the compulsory school attendance law. That would be the students from HB421 above.

            HB469: Provides for additional processing fees relative to the expungement of arrest records. Okay, we’re gonna clear your record on that false arrest but it’s gonna cost you.

            HB470: Prohibits a person 70 years old or older from qualifying for elective office. You may want to take a hard look at those under 70 as well.

            HB496: Merges the Fertilizer Commission and the Louisiana Feed Commission. If there’s anything the legislature should know about, it’s fertilizer.

            HB529: Requires instruction with respect to sex education in public schools. Let’s not go there.

            HB566: Requires disclosure by certain officials of information relative to employment and appointment of campaign contributors. This could be a real sticky wicket.

            HB574: Prohibits certain pest control operators from providing services.

            HB609: Provides with respect to the crime of home invasion. Would this be the pest or the pest control operator from HB574?

            HB594: Provides for traffic regulation of intersection when traffic control signal is inoperative. There’s a law for that already; it’s called a four-way stop.

            HB606: Provides for the prohibition of swine running at large. There’s a joke there but it’s better left unsaid.

            HB636: Authorizes free and unhampered passage on the Tomey J. Doucet Bridge for certain emergency vehicles of the Town of Grand Isle. Have they actually been charging ambulances a fee? Must be where they got the idea for that toll booth scene in Blazing Saddles.

            HB647: Allows publicly owned fire trucks with fire apparatuses to use blue lights. Deep down, those guys have always wanted to be cops.

            HB689: Provides for fraudulent practices during an auction. If anyone would know how to provide for fraudulent practices, it would be the legislature.

            HB700: Exempts church camps from enforcement of building code standards. I see a problem with this. Seriously.

            HB705: Requires public entities to give preference to state banks. Are there any left?

            HB731: Provides a public records exception for certain confidential reports made to the Board of Ethics. Uh, wouldn’t that be unethical?

            HB770: Requires each public college and university to readmit its graduates, without charging tuition and fees, if such a graduate cannot find or looses employment because his degree did not prepare him for employment in a profession related to his degree. How about free tuition to legislators who don’t know the difference between the proper usages of looses and loses?

            HB779: Provides relative to the Horsemen’s Benevolent Program Association. Just what in the name of Beelzebub is the Horsemen’s Benevolent Program Association?

            HB827: Provides for changes for the disbursement of monies collected for the Horsemen’s Benevolent and Protective Association. Them again? And this time it’s a protective association.

            HB859: Prohibits certain traffic cameras on highways that receive public funding. Someone else got busted.

            HB867: Provides for the reduction of a defendant’s sentence for substantial assistance in an investigation or prosecution. I’ll talk if you let me walk. What’s wrong with this picture?

            HB969: Provides relative to qualifications for election as a member on a school board. A high school diploma would be a good start.

            HB1010: Provides for alternate means of proof that paper is manufactured in the state. Say what?

            HB1086: Provides relative to an organ donation opt-out program. I want my Kidney back.

            HB1124: Requires notices of deficiencies. Uh, can you be just a bit vaguer?

            HB1130: Creates the Louisiana Performance Horse Promotion Act. Again with the horses already?

            HB1147: Prohibits a policyholder from allowing any person excluded from liability coverage to drive the covered vehicle.

            HB1148: Prohibits the exclusion of any person from coverage under a motor vehicle liability policy. The last two bills were authored by the same legislator.

            Now you understand the meaning and the origins of the term gross ignorance.

            We hope to offer lessons in political rationale and progressive legislative in the future, but that prospect remains in doubt.

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