If you’re considering shipping a package by UPS, here’s a word of advice:
Don’t.
Or should you have the opportunity to choose your shipping choice if you are scheduled to receive a package:
Don’t, for the love of God, choose UPS.
I should know better. A few years back, I ordered a portable greenhouse in which to grow tomatoes year-round. I checked the tracking after it was several days late only to learn that it was “delivered.”
Not to me. A further check revealed that it had mistakenly been sent to some lucky person in East Texas.
To whom? I asked the UPS folks. We can’t tell you, they said, against policy.
“I spent $700 on that greenhouse. I have a right to know who I bought it for,” I said.
Nope. Can’t do it, they said. I never learned who the person was who received my greenhouse. And while I did get a full refund, the experience should’ve left a bad-enough taste in my mouth. But fool me once, shame on you…
But there’s one more bit of advice I’d like to pass along.
The most important advice of all if you do happen to get saddled with UPS, don’t – under any circumstances – call the company’s 800 number to check on your package.
Here’s why.
I went on line to order one of those nice walk-behind grass trimmers (photo below).
I received an email confirmation that the trimmer would be delivered on Monday (May 12).
Monday at 3:16 p.m. a UPS delivery truck pulls up and stops in front of my house. I’m in the front yard at the time so I wait for the trimmer to be unloaded.
Nothing happens.
Finally, I ask the driver if he has a large package for me.
He walks around inside the van, checks a clipboard and finally says, “It was loaded onto he wrong truck.”
“What?”
“Happens all the time. They’ll probably deliver it later today.” He gets back behind the wheel and drives away without ever leaving any kind of package.
Later today didn’t happen and when I checked the tracking periodically, it always told me it was “out for delivery.”
Cool. I’ll wait. But a little after 8:30, growing anxious, I checked tracking again and lo and behold, I’m told the package was being returned to sender.
Again, WHAT?
When I clicked on the box for details, I get a tracking history that told me that at a delivery was attempted at 8 p.m. but another entry at 7:58 p.m. – two minutes earlier – said, “Package is returning to seller because recipient did not accept it” and that I would receive a full refund.
Again, WHAT THE HOLY HELL?! I was home the entire evening and no delivery was attempted at 8 p.m. – just that one confused driver who stopped by briefly at 3:16 p.m.
I also noticed that at 6:41 a.m. on Saturday (May 10), the “Package arrived at carrier facility.”
So, I go online seeking the location, hours of operation and phone number of the “carrier facility” (I suppose that’s a fancy term for distribution warehouse) in Baton Rouge.
I discovered that there a couple of dozen (or so) locations for UPS facilities in Baton Rouge but the one I’m looking for is apparently on Airline Highway in Baton Rouge and is open until 10 p.m. Good, I’ll give them a call and find out why my package is being returned.
Except, to my dismay, I find that every single UPS facility in Baton Rouge – and apparently every single one in North America – has the same 800 number. That’s pretty off-putting in itself. But undeterred, I plunge ahead and called the number.
I get recordings and punch in all the correct numbers on my phone’s keypad and confirm the tracking number and the recording tells me the package is being returned to sender. I knew that; I wanted to know why, so I ask to speak to a representative. I was forced to repeat that request three or four times before the recording decided to make me someone else’s problem and transferred me to a representative – in Calcutta.
To say his English was fractured would be an understatement but despite the difficulties in understanding him, I managed to convey my displeasure at the turn of events.
At which point, he said the package was being returned because recipient did not accept delivery.
“A damned lie!” I said as calmly as I could, which my wife says was not calm at all.
After some back and forth, he finally said he would change the obvious error (error my gluteus maximus, somebody flat-out lied about attempting a second delivery). I again tried to convince him that no one ever attempted a second delivery.
No problem, he assured me. The package would be delivered the next day (Tuesday) and I would get a confirmation text on my phone in the next hour or so.
Well, suffice it to say, no confirmation text ever came through and come Tuesday night, still no package. So, Wednesday morning, hands trembling, voice cracking and with great trepidation, I called that 800 number again.
After going around and around with that AI robot, I finally was transferred to a live representative – this time, I think, in Bombay.
He starts in with that second delivery refusal nonsense again but I stopped him. “Don’t try to tell me about a second delivery attempt because there was no second delivery attempt. Ever.”
“The package is being returned to sender because recipient…”
“Don’t! I told you there was no second attempt!”
He put me on hold for what seemed like a very long time but was actually about five minutes before he returned to tell me that the delivery attempts had gone to the wrong address.
“Wrong address?” I thundered.
Yes, recipient refused delivery on second…”
“Wait. What? You just said it went to the wrong address but now we’re back on my refusing delivery. Listen to me carefully. There was no second delivery attempt. Ever.”
“Please hold while I check.”
I thought he’d just put me on hold to check already but what the hell. Okay.
He came back to explain that after the second delivery attempt was refused, the package was being returned to the sender.”
A tad exasperated by this point, I again attempted to explain there was no bloody second delivery attempt because I was home the entire evening and no one from UPS drove down our street other that that one befuddled driver at 3:16 p.m. I implored, beseeched, pleaded, begged and cajoled him, maybe even while sobbing a little, not to ever tell me again that I refused delivery on a second attempt.
“Please hold while I check.”
Sigh.
Eventually, he returned, though for the life of me, I don’t know why. I would have “lost” the phone connection long ago. But this time, he then tells me the package was being returned because of insufficient address on the package.
Good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee when he said that or I’d have spit it out all over my keyboard.
“They didn’t seem to have an insufficient address when the first UPS truck showed up at my house at 3:16 p.m. on Monday,” I sputtered. “They found me then so why couldn’t they find me later? You’ve now given me no fewer than four separate reasons why my package is being returned: First it was loaded onto the wrong truck; then I refused delivery; then it went to the wrong address and finally, the package had an insufficient address…”
“Yes, that is correct.”
At that point, I terminated the conversation with a verb and a pronoun with a vow to myself to never use UPS again as long as I could have any control over matters.
Here is the tracking record for the package from the date is was shipped by the seller on Thursday, May 8, until it was returned, ostensibly because I refused delivery (which I never did):
Shipped with UPS
Tracking ID: (redacted so Elon Musk can’t access it)
The same order status information that UPS Customer Service associates can access:
Tuesday, May 13
8:00 PM
Delivery attempted.
Baton Rouge, LA US
7:58 PM
Package is returning to seller because recipient did not accept it.
Baton Rouge, LA US
9:33 AM
Package is out for delivery.
Baton Rouge, LA US
Monday, May 12
3:16 PM
Delivery attempted.
Baton Rouge, LA US
9:19 AM
Package is out for delivery.
Baton Rouge, LA US
Saturday, May 10
6:41 AM
Package arrived at a carrier facility.
Baton Rouge, LA US
3:40 AM
Package arrived at a carrier facility.
Lake Charles, LA US
3:40 AM
Package left the carrier facility.
Lake Charles, LA US
1:45 AM
Package arrived at a carrier facility.
Lake Charles, LA US
Friday, May 9
10:42 PM
Package left the carrier facility.
Houston, TX US
2:29 PM
Package arrived at a carrier facility.
Houston, TX US
Thursday, May 8
11:47 AM
Package arrived at a carrier facility.
Houston, TX US
Package left the shipper facility
Louisiana Voice 
Contact the seller of the product about this entire matter. I’d wager that they have enough sway with UPS so as to get this matter resolved.
I appreciate your suggestion, but as comic Ron White so aptly put it, “You can’t fix stupid.”
If I were the CEO of a large firm like this, I would NEVER use people with limited English skills to represent my company to someone who is already experiencing problems – or they wouldn’t be calling. It’s just not good PR.
We know each other, and overall I enjoy your takes and investigations on local government business. However, I will say again that sometimes there’s a little nasty in you that peeks out when you say these things. I came here to say that the package weight and time it would take on the route to get it off the truck and do all the things necessary for the delivery may have been the cause of the failed delivery. The drivers are overworked and pressed for time. I’ve had them “cheat” like this and move on knowing the next driver may be able to do it. Especially if they weren’t your regular route driver. Some of them can’t quickly maneuver a box with something that big in it. Still the company’s fault though – but your frustration should aim higher up the ladder.
I agree that I occasionally let my nastiness “peek out.” We all do when our tolerance for bad behavior or inferior service is stretched to the limit. On the other hand, I always tip my wait staff at restaurants between 25 and 30 percent because I’m fully aware that if my steak is overcooked or cold, they’re not the ones who cooked it. They run their buns off and I appreciate good service – which I always get at places like Texas Road House. But when you have a multi-billion-dollar corporation, you should not have someone with insufficient language skills representing the company; he is the public face (or in this case, voice) of the company. I cannot reach the CEO to complain, nor am I able to even get through to the local distribution center (800 number, remember?), so the poor guy in India is my only sounding board and he kept insisting on something that never happened (second delivery), so I snapped. Fortunately, my response was limited to mere words instead of physical action, which I abhor.
FedEx ain’t much better!!!
That’s a story to rival AT&T … but not exceed it. AT&T still has, hands down, the worst customer service in the history of human civilization.