Louisiana Voice

Any time you try to list outrageous, disingenuous, or non-sensical quotes from public officials, elected or appointed, you can count on running out of room before you run out of quotes.

This is precisely what happened when we attempted to describe The Game Plan, a book discovered recently by a member a group touring the Louisiana State Capitol.

Accordingly, we are back but this time with some of the best of our Notable Quotable offerings—with a twist: following the quotes and the attribution, we are offering an interpretation of what was really meant.

“I, along with other members of the Louisiana Legislature, greatly appreciate your contribution to the scholarship funds. Your $1,000 check…can be sent directly to me…”–Exerpt from solicitation letter by State Rep. Joe Harrison (R-Gray) seeking contributions to the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) Louisiana Scholarship Fund. The scholarship fund pays the expenses of state legislators to attend ALEC conferences. (We’re going to collect our $152 per diem from the state while kicking up our heels in Salt Lake City but to really party down, we’re gonna need more money.)

“Rep. Harrison informs that his assistant will return Monday (July 16) & send the list of recipients of the letter.”–E-mail to LouisianaVoice from House Clerk Albert “Butch” Speer on Thursday, July 12, in response to request for the names of recipients of a letter from Rep. Joe Harrison (R-Gray) soliciting $1,000 contributions to help “over thirty” legislators attend an ALEC conference. (Rep. Harrison is stalling for time.)

“My opinion is that the solicitation of donations for ALEC does not create a public record.”–E-mail from Speer on Monday, July 16, explaining that there had been a 180-degree flip-flop over the weekend. (I know what the law is, but I work here and I have to do what these clowns say.)

“Wisdom should be left to the political arena and not to us.”–State Civil Service Commission member John McClure. (Politicians are clueless but we are more so.)

“You must be an employee of the Office of Student Financial Assistance in order to be considered for this position.”–One of the requirements of applicants for a new position at the Louisiana Office of Student Financial Assistance (LOSFA) that pays up to $76,000 per year. (We already know who we want for the position, so don’t bother applying.)

“The Department of Education’s legal department has determined that the documents are in the ‘Pre-Decisional Status,’ and we’re unable to allow you to examine them.”–Department of Education (DOE) after first agreeing to allow LouisianaVoice to examine copies of all applications for vouchers/scholarships received by DOE. (We got caught with our pants down with some of our voucher approvals and we have to cover our backsides.)

“I think that John White is still lying. He is in full CYA mode and assumes that he will simply be able to BS his way out of the contradiction the Monroe News-Star has caught him in. After all, it’s a method that has worked perfectly well for him ever since he arrived in Louisiana.”–Comment by a Times-Picayune reader in response to State Education Superintendent John White’s contention that there was “nothing inappropriate” about his email to members of Gov. Piyush Jindal’s staff in which he outlined his plan for “muddying up the narrative” of reporters who exposed a Ruston school with no accommodations but which was approved for 315 voucher/scholarships. (I think that John White is still lying. He is in full CYA mode and assumes that he will simply be able to BS his way out of the contradiction the Monroe News-Star has caught him in. After all, it’s a method that has worked perfectly well for him ever since he arrived in Louisiana.)

“I know that the administration was not prepared to answer questions and the answers they gave were not forthcoming about the voucher program.”–State Sen. Ed Murray (D-New Orleans), on hearing of State Education Superintendent John White’s emailed plans to baffle the legislature with B.S. over the issue of the department’s approval of 315 vouchers for a Ruston school that has no classroom space, desks, teachers or books to accommodate the additional students. (I think that John White is still lying. He is in full CYA mode and assumes that he will simply be able to BS his way out of the contradiction the Monroe News-Star has caught him in. After all, it’s a method that has worked perfectly well for him ever since he arrived in Louisiana.)

“There are tremendous ramifications for our members and the system.”–Cindy Rougeou, executive director of the Louisiana State Employees Retirement System (LASERS), in discussing the need to obtain a determination from the IRS on whether or not Piyush Jindal’s recently approved “cash-balance” 401(k) type retirement plan for new hires, scheduled to go into effect on July 1, 2013, will be eligible for tax-exempt status–a question one would reasonably expect Jindal to have determined well in advance of presenting his new plan for legislative approval. (Piyush Jindal is such a nimrod.)

“The course provider shall receive a course amount for each eligible funded student.” “…The per course amount means an amount equal to the market rate as determined by the course provider and reported to the State Department of Education.”–Examples of language contained in House Bill 976, aka Act 2, aka the Student Scholarships for Educational Excellence Act, passed by the legislature and signed into law by Gov. Piyush Jindal, which is anticipated to cost the state $44.5 million over five years. (We going to let the fox guard the henhouse and by the time the legislature and the voters find out, I’ll be vice president.)

“Over the last four and a half years, we have outperformed the national and southern economies, and in order to continue to attract business investment, we need to stay competitive with the rest of the country and the world.”–Gov. Piyush Jindal, on signing into law two bills to “increase economic competitiveness” by creating a corporate headquarters relocation program. (Tax breaks, tax breaks. We gotta give more tax breaks.)

“We accept every contribution in good faith and in accordance with the law. Everybody who donates to our campaign gets the same thing and that is good government.”–Timmy Teepell, advisor and confidant to Gov. Piyush Jindal, responding to questions about $95,000 that federal investigators say may have been laundered illegally into the Jindal 2007 campaign for governor. (We don’t care how dirty the money is; once we get our hands on it, it’s ours.)

“We cannot protect people from making bad decisions in their lives.”–Sen. Elbert Guillory (D-Opelousas), commenting on the possibility that retirees may spend all of their lump-sum pension benefits being proposed as part of Gov. Piyush Jindal’s retirement reform package. He went on to say that retirees may have to apply for food stamps, welfare and other government programs. (I’ll even give you an example of a bad decision: I got elected, didn’t I?)

“Can’t you keep your employees from going elsewhere? Can’t you forbid them to leave?–Then Rep. (now Ascension Parish Tax Assessor) Mert Smiley, responding to an official of the Office of Risk Management who alluded to the problem of keeping adjusters after the agency was privatized. (Emancipation Proclamation? What’s an Emancipation Proclamation? I got elected didn’t I?)

“Samples of successful bidder will be retained at the purchasing office or the using agency…Any other samples received, if not destroyed in testing, may be returned at the bidder’s expense.”–from bid specifications contained in Louisiana Division of Administration’s invitation for bids on the purchase of condoms by the state. (Don’t even ask how we test ‘em.)

“You are entitled to your opinion, but I do suggest you conduct a fact check.”—BESE President Penny Dastugue, in response to questions about BESE “walking quorums” to discuss privately certain topics before discussing them in open meeting—a violation of state open meeting laws—and of questions about her admission of conducting conference calls with BESE members to head off unfavorable action on scholarship school accountability. (Are you going to believe your eyes or what I tell you?)

We have a bad reputation in this state as legislators and public officials because we keep filing bills like this and telling people we are crooks.”–Sen. Dan Martiny (R-Metairie), in a snit as he spoke out against a bill that would prohibit former legislators from taking state jobs to pad their retirement. (Wait! I said we’re telling people we’re crooks; I didn’t say we are crooks.)

“We do not have a poor state, but a state with poor leaders.”—Piyush Jindal, in his first inaugural address, Jan. 14, 2008. (To remedy that, I’m going to hire poor leaders from other states.)

“When we succeed…they will take note on the board rooms of Wall Street.”—Piyush Jindal, in his first inaugural address. (With all the private contracts I’m going to award, they’ll love me on Wall Street.)

“Our governor, a proponent of less government spending, sure does spend a lot of time out of state on the taxpayers’ dime to promote himself.”–Unidentified reader, responding to Baton Rouge Advocate story about Gov. Jindal’s upcoming trip to speak to The American Federation of Children in New Jersey. (Our governor, a proponent of less government spending, sure does spend a lot of time out of state on the taxpayers’ dime to promote himself.)

“That rebuttal speech will be played over and over and over and over.”–Loyola University in New Orleans associate political science professor Philip Dynia, commenting on what would likely happen if Gov. Bobby Jindal ran as Mitt Romney’s vice president and the prospects that Jindal’s Republican rebuttal to President Obama’s 2009 State of the Union Address would be resurrected from YouTube. (…resurrected from YouTube and played repeatedly on Comedy Central.)