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Trump ‘raked’ over his asinine raking solution to California fires; discourages any thought of return to stand up comedy

November 19, 2018 by tomaswell

For about 15 years, I fancied myself a stand-up comic. I guess it dates back to my senior year at Ruston High School. I had Miss Ruth Johnson for Algebra II. Her class was first hour and I was always tardy.

One day, fed up with me strolling in late each morning, she stopped me at the door. “You stand up here and tell us why you’re late….and it better be good,” she demanded. She wasn’t smiling. Before she started driving, she walked about a mile right past my house on her way to school—after feeding and milking a cow—so I couldn’t use the excuse of having to walk less than a quarter-mile.

So, I did my first stand-up bit, making the story up as I went along.

“Well, Miss Ruth (everyone called her Miss Ruth), this morning about 2 o’clock, we heard a noise out in the chicken house. My granddad thought it was the possum that had been killing our chickens. So, he grabbed his shotgun and stuck his magnetic flashlight onto the barrel. He was standing in the entrance to the chicken house waving the gun around, shining the light, looking for the possum. He had his long johns on because it was cold last night. But it wasn’t that cold, so he had the bottoms open. Our old blue tick hound came up behind him with his cold nose and, Miss Ruth, we been cleanin’ chickens since 2 this morning.”

If Miss Ruth had allowed it, I’d have gotten a standing ovation. The entire classroom exploded. She tried not to laugh and fussed at me over the laughter of the class. As of that moment, I had the bug. Many years later, I took a dare and went onstage at a Baton Rouge comedy club on open mic night. I was never so nervous in my life but the emcee, Spud McConnell asked me to come back. And I did. I became the house emcee at the old Funny Bone and stayed around for 15 years—probably about 12 years too long.

Funny Bone owner Mike Rogers tried to break it to me nicely, informing me that after 15 years, everyone in Baton Rouge had probably heard my joke. He brought me back for a 25th anniversary show, but that was it. So, I went back to my first love: writing. Some (perhaps many) think I’m still a joke, but that’s okay. This country was founded on the principle that everyone should have his say and if readers disagree with me, that’s their right to say so.

Having said that, there will be some who will suggest that I give up comedy and writing.

But for sheer audacity, no one can top Donald Trump.

Just look at some of his utterances:

  • “Putin told me he didn’t do it.”
  • “North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat.”
  • “I’m going to build a wall and Mexico is going to pay for it.”
  • “I’ve been treated very unfairly by this judge. Now, this judge is of Mexican heritage. I’m building a wall, OK? I’m building a wall.”
  • “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing noncompetitive.”
  • “By the way, I have great respect for China. I have many Chinese friends. They live in my buildings all over the place.”
  • “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”
  • “A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.”
  • “They (The New York Times) don’t know how to write good.”
  • “All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”
  • “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.” (Ranks right up there with “I’m a very stable genius.”)
  • “Nobody respects women more than me.”
  • “What’s that?” (his response to a question about his insulting a Gold Star family.)
  • “He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.”
  • “Lock her up! Lock her up!” (cheerleading his rabid followers in response to Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email account. Now you have to wonder if he is going to demand that IVANKA be locked up. Oops.)

Granted, some of those remarks weren’t jokes and they certainly weren’t very funny. Whenever he opens his mouth, something downright crude and/or stupid usually spills out. Sometimes, his remarks are outright lies, but all are typical Trump.

But for sheer stupidity, idiocy, lunacy, and absurdity, yesterday’s ADVICE on how California could reduce the risk of forest fires pretty much tops them all:

“You gotta take care of the floors. You know the floors of the forest, very important,” Trump told reporters. “You look at other countries where they do it differently and it’s a whole different story.  I was with the president of Finland and he called it a forest nation, and they spend a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things and they don’t have any problem. And when they do, it’s a very small problem.”

If I ever entertained any thought of returning to the stage, Donald Trump has laid those thoughts to rest. No one could possibly be funnier than our Clown in Chief, especially when he’s trying to be serious.

Well, while others (especially FINNS) are laughing their backsides off at the solution offered by our Forester/Scientist/Raker-in-Chief, I for one, am making a run to Lowe’s and Home Depot to buy up all their rakes. I have to do my civic duty. There’s a lot of wooded area between my house and the Amite River that needs raking. Of course, that’s the same river that overflowed back in August 2016, flooding half of Livingston Parish and destroying hundreds of homes, mine included. So, I guess I’d better rake the river bottom, too, to prevent future flooding.

John Sachs, a Ruston High classmate (who missed my comedic debut 57 years ago) said Trump needs to rake Central Park lest it catch fire and burn down Trump Tower.

There was a serious story in the fake news WASHINGTON POST that explains the real reason forest fires are a rare event in Finland—and it’s got nothing to do with raking.

Meanwhile, President Big Mac is taking a lot of heat (no pun intended) for letting his alligator mouth overload his hummingbird brain:

DAILY NEWS

GRAB A RAKE

SIGN OF THE TIME (in Helsinki)

Posted in Politics | 4 Comments »

Fifteen-minute video by Together Louisiana illustrates the inequity of corporations profiting in poor neighborhoods

November 16, 2018 by tomaswell

LouisianaVoice has expressed concerns about the industrial tax incentives, aka giveaway programs, for years. It has been our contention that while welfare cheats are an easy target for criticism, the money lost to fraudulent welfare and Medicaid recipients is eclipsed by the billions of dollars stolen from taxpayers in the form of industrial tax exemptions, incentives, and credits.

Of course, the Louisiana Association of Business and Industry would never concede that fact. Instead, they use the stage magician’s tactic of misdirection by claiming runaway lawsuits, organized labor, higher wages (they are especially terrified of an increase in the $7.25 minimum wage) and poor public education performance are to blame for Louisiana’s economic and social ills.

Never (not once) will one hear LABI point to poverty as a cause of the state’s low ranking in everything good and high ranking in everything bad. Never (not once) will one hear LABI, the local chambers of commerce, or the Louisiana Office of Economic Development call attention to the billions of dollars in relief given businesses and industry—from Wal Mart to Exxon—in the form of corporate welfare—leaving it to working Louisianans to pick up the check.

And all you have to do to understand how this has occurred is to follow the money in the form of campaign contributions to legislators and governors and visit the State Capitol during a legislative session and try—just try—to count the lobbyists. Better yet, you may do better by counting lobbyists and legislators following adjournment each night as they gather for steaks, lobster and adult beverages at Sullivan’s or Ruth’s Chris—compliments of lobbyists’ expense accounts.

And while LouisianaVoice has attempted to call attention to this piracy, an outfit called Together Louisiana has put together a 15-minute video presentation that brings the picture into sharp, stark focus. The contrast between two separate economies living side by side is stunning.

Stephen Winham, retired director of Louisiana’s Executive Budget Office called the video “a super good presentation of facts our decision-makers choose to ignore as they have for many, many decades.”

Winham went a step further in saying, “Our leaders seem to think we are all too dumb to understand this—and that’s a positive assessment. A more jaundiced view would be that they don’t want us to understand it.

“All we can do is keep on keeping on with our individual attempts to communicate this and let our elected officials know that we do understand and that we hold them responsible and accountable. Unfortunately, when I attempt to talk about this with individuals and groups, their eyes glaze over within minutes. I’m not going to stop trying, though, and neither should anybody else.

“I am happy to have this information in such a tight presentation,” Winham said.

So, with that, here is that video:

 

And if that’s not enough to convince you, THIS STORY was posted late Friday.

 

 

Posted in Business, Corruption, Crime, Economy, Education, Exemptions, Incentives, Legislature, Legislators, Lobbyist, Louisiana Purchase, Politicians, Revenue, Taxes | 5 Comments »

PSC member Foster Campbell has 30,500 reasons to oppose Claiborne Electric Co-op’s proposal for rural internet service

November 15, 2018 by tomaswell

On Monday (Nov. 13), Public Service Commissioner Foster Campbell issued a glowing PRESS RELEASE in which he announced what he described as a project to provide high-speed internet service to more than 54,000 homes and businesses in the 24-parish PSC District 5.

Yet, only two months earlier, Campbell had appeared before the Claiborne Parish Police Jury to publicly trash a proposal by Claiborne Electric Cooperative to provide even faster and more comprehensive internet service to an estimated 65,000 homes and businesses in its five-parish service area—at a comparable customer cost.

Campbell, an Elm Grove populist Democrat who lost to John Kennedy in the 2016 U.S. Senate race, who lost to Bobby Jindal in the 2007 governor’s election and who three times ran unsuccessfully for the U.S. House from Louisiana’s 4th congressional district, seems to be running for something again but there don’t seem to be any other offices for him to seek.

In September, he presented his timeline of events concerning the approval process for Claiborne’s proposed high-speed broad internet service. One cooperative member who was present for that performance described Campbell’s remarks as “hyperbole,” adding that many of Foster’s claims “were outright wrong.”

“Then when he had his say, for which he caught a lot of flak from citizens in attendance, he promptly left as (Claiborne CEO) Mark Brown was given the opportunity to present his side of the situation,” the member said, pointing out that he is neither an employee nor a board member of Claiborne Electric. He asked that his name not be used.

“There was a marked difference in the points of view with Mr. Brown’s position being a lot more straightforward and fact-based,” he said. “That Campbell made his accusations and factually incorrect statements and then left without hearing Mr. Brown’s EXPLANATION was one of the rudest displays I’ve seen in a public forum.”

In his press release, Campbell said the “Connect America” program of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) “is helping fiber, wireless and satellite internet providers meet the need for broadband service in unserved or underserved areas of North Louisiana.”

He said that FCC records indicate that 54,580 homes and businesses in his PSC district are eligible for high-speed internet service funded by Connect America.

That represents just a fraction of almost a million people—325,000 households—in the 24 parishes.

What Campbell describes as “high speed” internet is a download speed of 10 megabytes per second and an upload speed of one megabyte per second at an estimated cost of $60 per month per customer.

Claiborne’s proposal calls for the same $60 monthly rate for 50 megabytes to one gigabyte of service for 10,000 more customers in the five-parishes of Bienville, Claiborne, Lincoln, Union and Webster than for Campbell’s entire 24 parish district.

Campbell claims that if the Claiborne project fails, customers would be on the hook for the costs, ignoring the fact that the proposal calls for a construction phase-in that would allow the project to be scrapped if it did not meet projections.

“Foster Campbell ignores the fact the 69 co-ops around the country have already done projects like that proposed by Claiborne and none of those have failed,” the Homer member said. “He also ignores that about 75 other co-ops around the country are in the process of starting fiber optic systems.”

(CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

Foster’s behavior is a strange reversal of traditional Democratic support for electric cooperatives begun under the administration of Franklin Roosevelt and championed by such notables as Lyndon Johnson. In fact, Foster’s rhetoric is reminiscent of Bobby Jindal’s REJECTION of that $80 million Commerce Department grant to install high-speed broadband internet for Louisiana’s rural parishes back in 2011.

In that case, Jindal was in lockstep with the AMERICAN LEGISLATIVE EXCHANGE COUNCIL (ALEC) which in 2010 had staked out its opposition to federal encroachment onto the turf of private business despite the fact that private business had been painfully slow in responding to the needs of rural America dating back to the early days of electric power and telephone service.

And therefore, since AT&T was a member of ALEC and since AT&T was opposed to the grant, therefore, so was Jindal. In Jindal’s case, AT&T had also made a six-figure contribution to his wife’s charitable foundation, giving Jindal another reason to take up the ALEC banner.

AT&T, in fact, even took the City of Lafayette to court to fight the city’s efforts to construct its own fiber optic high speed broadband internet system. It was a costly fight for both sides but Lafayette eventually emerged victorious despite AT&T’s best efforts.

Foster Campbell, in his press release noted that AT&T would be responsible for $17.2 million, or 79 percent of the FCC-funded broadband expansion into PSC District 5 while CenturyLink of Monroe would have responsibility for $3.9 million (18 percent) of the cost and satellite provider ViaSat would spend $1.5 million (3 percent).

So, why is Campbell now sounding so downright Jindalesque in his opposition to Claiborne Electric?

For that answer, one would have to take the advice FBI agent Mark Felt, aka Deep Throat, gave to reporter Bob Woodward during the Washington Post’s investigation of Nixon and Watergate:

Follow the money.

  • CenturyLink made two $1,000 contributions to Campbell’s various state campaign fund in 2011 and 2012, according to Louisiana Ethics Commission records.
  • Glen F. Post, III, of Farmerville in Union Parish, is President of CenturyLink. He personally contributed $11,500 to Campbell between 2003 and 2014.
  • Stacy Goff is Executive Vice-President of CenturyLink. He chipped in another $500 for Campbell in 2005.
  • AT&T gave $10,000 to Campbell in campaign contributions between 2003 and 2010.
  • William G. “Bud” Courson and James W. Nickel of Baton Rouge are registered lobbyists for AT&T. Their firm, Courson Nickel, LLC of Baton Rouge, contributed $2,000 to Campbell from 2002 to 2014.

CENTURYTEL

COURSON NICKEL

Post contributed another $3,000 to Campbell’s unsuccessful Senate campaign in 2016 and Nickel and Courson also contributed $500 and $1,000, respectively, to that campaign, federal campaign finance records show.

Altogether, Foster Campbell had at least 30,500 reasons to oppose Claiborne Electric’s proposal to provide high speed broadband internet service to its members.

Because he indisputably had skin in the game, he should have recused himself from the discussion in order to avoid any conflict of interests.

Therein lies the problem of regulators accepting contributions from those they regulate.

Posted in ALEC, American Legislative Exchange Council, Business, Campaign Contributions, Commissions, Corruption, Elections, Ethics, Governor's Office, Grants, Lobbyist, Politicians, Privatization, Senate, Supriya Jinda Foundation, Transparency | 7 Comments »

Jeff Landry as U.S. AG? Don’t make me laugh (or cry)

November 13, 2018 by tomaswell

In the annals of pure comedic performances, few could rival the record of Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry.

But now it appears he is making a valiant attempt to surpass his own record of slapstick routines.

According to Baton Rouge Advocate reporter Elizabeth Crisp, who has a solid record for accuracy and spot-on political analysis, Landry may have pulled off the seemingly impossible feat of actually making it onto the short list to succeed U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions who resigned under intense pressure from Donald Trump last Friday. You can see her story  HERE.

Of course, if Landry were to actually be nominated it would (a) be in total keeping with the unbroken line of absurd appointments and nominations by Trump and (b) turn the practical joke heretofore limited to the borders of the gret stet of Looziana onto the rest of the nation.

And we thought the Keebler Elf had some screwy legal interpretations. Landry, should he be nominated against all odds and be confirmed against even greater odds, would give new meaning to the term court jester.

He’s probably the only lawyer alive who could be out-maneuvered in court by Jethro Bodine.

This is the same Jeff Landry who, while in private practice prior to his election as Louisiana’s top legal scholar (insert laugh track here), was ridiculed in open court by a state judge for his sloppy legal work in improperly filing a lien on behalf of one of his only existing clients with the presiding judge admonishing the client to “Pick your lawyer carefully.”

But as Crisp pointed out, he is also the same Jeff Landry who has been invited to the Trump White House on several occasions, the same Jeff Landry who has a close relationship with former U.S. Rep. Mick Mulvaney, now Director of the Office of Management and Budget, and the same Jeff Landry whose annual alligator hunt fundraiser was attended by First Son Donnie Junior (I’d love to have had a photo of Donnie in hip waders).

And with this president, who knows? Landry is just qualified enough as a Trump bootlicker and unqualified enough as an attorney to pull it off.

And that would be a cruel joke indeed.

Posted in Attorney General, Courts | 5 Comments »

New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Shreveport lead nation in city murder rates; Louisiana leads nation in state murder rate

November 13, 2018 by tomaswell

We’re number one.

For 28 straight years.

Nick Saban can’t make that claim about Alabama.

Even more alarming: for an incredible 28 straight years, Louisiana leads the country in STATEWIDE murder rates.

Twenty. Eight. Straight. Years.

Thanks in large part to the state’s three largest cities: New Orleans, Baton Rouge and SHREVEPORT.

Because of the somewhat dated data, this might seem to be a non-story.

On the other hand, unless the trend has reversed itself dramatically, the findings remain dishearteningly and disturbingly relevant.

And so far, there seems to be no indication of any such reversal.

For the years 2015-2016, New Orleans had the highest per capita firearm homicide rate in the nation—four times the national rate and twice those of Chicago and Detroit, the so-called murder capitals of America.

Figures published by 24/7 Wall St., an independent research company that publishes some 30 reports daily, shows that New Orleans had 404 firearm homicides, a rate of 16.6 per 100,000 population. The national rate was 4.4 per 100,000 while Detroit and Chicago had firearm homicide rates of 8.2 and 8.1 per 100,000 population, respectively.

You can see the entire report HERE.

Even more disturbing, however, and not addressed by 24/7 Wall St. because of its smaller size, were the figures for BATON ROUGE, which had 62 firearm homicides in 2016, a rate of 32 per 100,000. But in 2017, that figure skyrocketed to 106 firearm killings for a rate of 46 per 100,000 population.

And already in 2018, there have been 73 firearm-related homicides in Baton Rouge and authorities seem powerless to stem the tide of firearm violence.

There are periodic Take Back the Neighborhood and Take Back the Night rallies and elected officials and law enforcement personnel make their token appearances, but those displays do little to bring peace to the neighborhoods jarred by what must seem like nightly outbursts of violence.

Rallies, political posturing and lip service just doesn’t seem to be cutting it.

They work about as well as the canned condolences uttered by all those elected officials who take time out of their busy campaign fund-raising schedules to offer TAPs (thoughts and prayers).

Posted in Crime | Leave a Comment »

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