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As was the case with last week’s Senate Retirement Committee, the administration is attempting some last-minute arm-twisting on its retirement reform package.

The retirement bills are scheduled to be heard by the full Senate later today and it appeared late Tuesday that they were destined to crash and burn.

But word Tuesday morning was that several closed-door meetings were ongoing as the administration fought back against growing opposition to his retirement “reforms.”

Last week, Senate Retirement Committee hearings were delayed for two hours while last-minute changes were made to Senate Bill 51 to make the bill more palatable. SB 51 was originally written to require state employees to work until age 67 before being able to realize full retirement benefits. That bill would have resulted in at least some employees losing up to 85 percent of their retirement benefits.

Other provisions that had to be re-worked at the last minute by the governor’s storm troopers would have raised employee contributions to their retirement by 3 percent while lowering the state’s contribution by a like amount. The money to have been saved by the state would have gone to the state’s general fund to help Jindal smooth over a huge budget deficit.

The amending version of that provision would allow the 3 percent additional employee tax to go toward reducing the combined unfunded accrued liability of the four state retirement systems.

Even that, however, appeared to be not sufficient to satisfy legislators who have been under the gun from constituents, particularly state employees, teachers, school employees and state police.

The bills appeared doomed.

But wait! Here comes a tiny car into center ring and out jumps a gaggle of clowns disguised as administration staff. Honking their horns, squirting seltzer bottles and squeezing their red noses, they appear to be running amok.

On second blush, however, we see that what we perceive as chaos is actually a plan, a strategy, as it were, to rescue the state from self-inflicted fiscal disaster.

But there’s one thing glaringly wrong with this picture: We can’t see it.

That’s because the coercion that is ongoing as this is being written is taking place behind closed doors, out of sight and out of earshot of the public.

We are simply not privy to the democratic process in action.

That’s the Jindal version of transparency, accountability and openness that, sadly, has become the hallmark of this administration.

In the words of actress Bette Davis: “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

“Our governor, a proponent of less government spending, sure does spend a lot of time out of state on the taxpayers’ dime to promote himself.”

–Unidentified reader, responding to Baton Rouge Advocate story about Gov. Jindal’s upcoming trip to speak to The American Federation of Children next month in New Jersey.

Between speaking engagements in New York and New Jersey, something strange happened to one of the crown jewels in Gov. Bobby Jindal’s legislative.

The governor’s retirement bills are scheduled to be taken up for debate on the Senate floor on Wednesday and early indications are they are in trouble.

Jindal, flush from his education reform successes, couldn’t wait to dash off to an ill-advised keynote speaking engagement before the New York Republican state dinner. Next, he’s off to New Jersey next month to speak at the American Federation for Children’s national policy summit in Jersey City. More about that in due course.

In the interim, opposition, led by Cindy Rougeou, executive director of the Louisiana State Employees’ Retirement System (LASERS), has grown statewide to his sweeping state employee retirement reform package that not only slashes retirement benefits for state employees, but requires them to pay more and work longer to get them.

That’s right. Said another way, Piyush would require that state employees chip an additional 3 percent of their paychecks in order to qualify for fewer benefits—and to work longer to get them.

As if that were not bad enough, a Dallas law firm retained by Legislative Auditor Daryl Purpera said everything about the retirement bills stinks. The bills are illegal, said the report by Strasburger Law Firm, because they break contracts with state employees, something expressly forbidden by the U.S. and Louisiana constitutions.

Not to be outdone, the administration promptly retained an outfit named Buck Consultants at a contract cost of $400,000 to counter the Strasburger report. To date, the contents of the Buck report have not been released.

That appears to follow a pattern. It was only a year ago that another somewhat cheaper ($49,999.99) report was ordered by the administration from Chaffe and Associates of New Orleans. That report was supposed to support the administration’s efforts to privatize the Office of Group Benefits (OGB).

It practically took a triple dose of Ex-Lax for legislators to get the administration to (ahem) cough up a copy of the report.

Even while the Buck report was still pending, the administration began backtracking, amending, re-writing and tweaking its retirement bills.

Nothing like having your ducks in a row ahead of time. Another cliché, flying by the seat of your pants, comes to mind. So does FUBAR.

Probably one of the sleaziest tactics employed by Jindal (oh, where do you start when discussing the administration’s sleaze factor?) was his attempt to dump the entire $18.3 billion unfunded accrued liability (UAL) on LASERS. Of the four state retirement systems—state employees, teachers, school employees and state police—LASERS accounts for $6.3 billion of the total UAL. Yet, Jindal never opens his mouth about the remaining three retirement systems and his “reform” package does not include any of the other three. Only LASERS.

Said another way (the governor is not the only one who can wear out a phrase; we can play, too), John, Pete, Sam and Piyush each have bank loans. Sam owes $10,000; John $700, Pete $300 and Piyush owes $7,000. The bank decides to call in all the loans but instead of seeking a pro rata share from each debtor, it sends Piyush the bill for the entire $18,000.

Well, that certainly seems fair.

Such is life in the administration of Piyush Jindal. Up is down, left is right, in is out, and the playbook of the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) is sacrosanct.

So now, while his retirement bills appear to be headed toward a torturous death on the Senate floor, our globe-trotting governor prepares for yet another victorious appearance before a friendly audience.

Ever notice, by the way, that the guy absolutely, positively never appears anywhere where the crowd is not friendly—and controlled?

Ever notice that Piyush absotively, posilutely never puts himself in the position of having to answer tough, probing questions?

Give him an audience of ALEC members, LABI meetings, or chambers of commerce and you can’t shut him up (as witnessed by his performance last week in New York) but never will you catch him speaking to an audience of state employees or teachers. Prudent or cowardly? You decide.

So now Jindal is off to New Jersey where he will speak to the American Federation for Children, formerly called All Children Matter until it was fined $5.2 million in 2006 for funneling campaign money into Ohio through the organization’s various state networks. All Children Matter was also fined an unspecified amount for illegal political activity in Wisconsin.

The American Federation for Children, nee All Children Matter, is run by Betsy DeVos, former chairperson of the Michigan Republican Party. Her brother, Erik Prince, is the founder of Blackwater USA, the private security firm that made international headlines in 2007 when its guards killed Iraqi civilians and then attempted to bribe Iraqi officials to quell criticism of their actions.

Betsy DeVos and her husband, Dick DeVos, contributed $16,000 to Jindal’s first two gubernatorial campaigns in 2003 and 2007. Her husband owns Amway; Amway is a member of ALEC. The circle is now complete.

Betsy DeVos called Jindal one of the nation’s most committed education reformers. “The governor serves as an example of how strong leadership and a bipartisan approach can improve the lives of children, and we can’t wait to hear how he will inspire other governors across the country to stand up for children,” she gushed.

Perhaps he can serve as an inspiration of how not to reform state retirement.

“If these bills pass, We’ll be next.”

–Stacy Birdwell, secretary-treasurer of the Professional Firefighters of Louisiana during Monday’s Senate Retirement Committee hearing, explaining why he was testifying against Gov. Jindal’s retirement reform package even though firefighters aren’t affected in the current round of legislation.

“If they want to kick me off my committees, that’s okay with me. I’ll cut grass and edge around the Capitol in the morning but at 2 p.m. I’ll be in the House Chamber speaking out against and voting against these retirement bills that are detrimental to state employees.”

–State Rep. James Armes (D-Leesville), who is also a landscape contractor, speaking at a press conference on Monday at which Gov. Jindal’s retirement reform package was roundly criticized by several speakers.

Opponents of Gov. Bobby Jindal’s retirement legislative package won a token victory Monday when the Senate Retirement voted down Senate Bill 17 by Sen. Barrow Peacock (R-Bossier City) that could have resulted in changing state employees’ retirement from a defined benefit plan to a defined contribution.

The action, as was the delayed vote of committee chairman Sen. Elbert Guillory, was nothing more than bad theatre, however, as it was necessary to kill Peacock’s bill in order to keep Gov. Jindal’s retirement reform package on track.

In stage magic, the ploy is called misdirection.

The bill itself would not have mandated the conversion to a defined contribution plan but rather would have placed the matter on next November’s ballot as a constitutional amendment to allow the legislature to make the switch if it so desired.

That conflicted with Jindal’s package, as presented in bills supposed authored by Guillory but in reality drafted by the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) and which the administration contends is constitutional.

To vote a constitutional amendment out of committee would have been tantamount to what one witness described as passing a constitutional amendment on the premise that it serves as “backup” to another law that the administration believes may not stand up in court.

SB 17 was not part of the governor’s retirement reform package and was not an administration bill. The bills filed by Guillory in the Senate and House Retirement Committee Chairman Rep. Kevin Pearson (R-Slidell) accomplish statutorily what Peacock was attempting with his constitutional amendment.

Because the administration insists that its bills are constitutional, Peacock’s bill would have had the consequence of saying the constitution must be changed in order to switch from a defined benefit to defined contribution.

For those who might still look upon the vote as a victory for opponents of Jindal’s retirement reform, consider this:

On the surface, the voted appeared to amount to wasted investments by Jindal and ALEC who, together with Jindal, contributed $95,200 to three of the committee members who voted no.

Three of the “no” votes came from Chairman Elbert Guillory (D-Opelousas), Sen. Gerald Long (R-Natchitoches) and A.G. Crowe (R-Pearl River).

Guillory received $45,200 from corporate members of ALEC and another $7500 from Jindal. Jindal’s contributions were in increments of $2500 each from August to November of 2011.

Long received $33,000 from ALEC corporate members and another $2500 from Jindal, campaign records show, and Crowe received $4500 from ALEC corporate and $2500 from Jindal.

Neither of the three would dare go against such generous benefactors—especially a governor who has already shown his predisposition to allow no dissention from his troops. And there’s no way Guillory was going to risk his chairmanship with the memory of the fate of State Rep. Harold Ritchie still fresh in everyone’s mind.

Ritchie, sitting as a member of the House Ways and Means Committee, voted against legislation pushed by Jindal and was immediately stripped of his vice-chairmanship of another committee, the House Committee on Insurance.

His demotion came so lightning-fast that Insurance Committee Chairman Rep. Greg Cromer (R-Slidell) was not even informed of the action until after the fact.

It’s uncertain if Peacock’s bill was an inadvertent obstacle for Jindal or if it was intentional. Jindal had supported Peacock’s opponent, Jane Smith, with a $2,500 contribution in last fall’s elections

For added drama, however, Guillory was the deciding vote. Following a 3-3 vote and to provide sufficient drama to the moment, Guillory paused for several seconds before saying, “I’m going to vote no, so the bill is reported unfavorably.”

It looked for all the world as if Guillory was actually pondering all the pros and cons of Peacock’s bill when in fact, he’s just another bad actor in what has quickly become a very bad play that in spite of all the bad reviews, is going to run for 85 days.

Mary Patricia Ray, spokesperson for the Louisiana Federation of Teachers, apparently felt the committee members were sincere in considering Peacock’s bill. She testified that amending the State Constitution should not be a “backup” plan in case the governor’s bills did not stand up constitutionally.

“If the members of this committee are willing to amend the Constitution on the premise that it serves as ‘backup’ to another law that they believe may not stand up in court, I think we’ve really got to re-examine what it means to amend our constitution,” she said.

Whether she misread the committee’s true intent or not, she still got a strong point across when she said, “My teachers don’t have social security to fall back on. They aren’t private citizens. They chose to dedicate their lives to teaching the children of this state.

“What we’re discussing doing here amounts to the complete opposite philosophy that we’ve been hearing this whole session and that is we absolutely respect our teachers and public servants.”

She said the bills “say we don’t value them; we don’t care what happens to them and their families when they retire and that we’re willing to continue a destructive patter of tax exemptions and other measures and ask state employees to foot the bill.”

She was referring to five-year revenue losses of more than $22.5 billion from various tax exemptions granted by the state since Fiscal Year 2009. More than a third of that amount, $8.1 billion was in the form of corporate income tax and corporate franchise tax exemptions and tax incentive and exemption contracts.

The combined unfunded accrued liability of the four state retirement systems is less than $19 billion, or nearly $4 billion less than the total tax exemptions granted by the state.

Stacy Birdwell, secretary-treasurer of the Professional Firefighters of Louisiana testified that even though Jindal’s current retirement reform package does not affect firefighters, if Jindal’s retirement reform passes, “we’ll be next.”