After long and careful research, I’ve come to the undeniable conclusion that Jeff Sadow and U.S. Sen. John Kennedy are one and the same.
One, Sadow, is an associate professor of political Science at LSU-Shreveport who writes a weekly column for the Baton Rouge Advocate while masquerading alternately as a psychologist, a theologian, or an economist.
To paraphrase Bon Jovi, he gives conservatism a bad name.
Kennedy, on the other hand, is a political opportunist who masquerades alternately as State Treasurer, U.S. Senator, and Governor and gives Trumpism a bad name.
Sadow, in his latest column on Sunday, implied that one of the advantages of capital punishment was that it served as an impetus for forgiveness and redemption for the condemned who, faced with imminent mortality, often repents and turns to Jesus in his final hours in order to punch his ticket to an eternity of strumming a harp while walking the streets paved of gold.
Sadow obviously didn’t take into account those poor people on death row who might be of the Jewish faith. Or even Islamic, Hindu or Buddhist.
But Sadow doesn’t hold franchise rights to banalities. Nor does he hold any exclusive rights to distorting facts.
Unless he is, in fact, John Neely Kennedy incognito.
Let’s roll back the calendar to 1999, the year then-State Secretary of Revenue John Kennedy was elected State Treasurer. During his campaign there was that infamous TV ad in which Kennedy boasted that during his stint as revenue secretary, “I decreased paper work for small businesses by 150 percent.”
That sounds pretty impressive until you put the pencil to it. You can increase costs by 150 percent; you can increase the crime rate by 150 percent, you can theoretically increase enrollment in a college or university by 150 percent, and if you go from 30 mph to 75 mph on the interstate, you have increased your speed 150 percent.
But you cannot, under any circumstances reduce anything, except the temperature, 150 percent (if, say, you go from 10 degrees above zero to five degrees below zero, that might be considered a 150 percent decrease). Otherwise, once you reduce anything, eggs, turnips, tires, by 100 percent, you’re at zero.
And remember: Kennedy was running for State Treasurer. He was asking us to entrust him with the state’s finances.
Oh, the irony.
Makes about as much sense as sending men to death row so they can more readily be converted to Christianity.
So he gets the treasurer’s job and manages to hold onto it for 17 years until he sets his sights on the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by David Vitter in 2016.
To win that seat, he falls back on two incredibly, yea, I say unto you, unbelievably, lame phrases in his TV ad blitz. The first was when he channeled Donald Trump when he said of his prospects of supporting Obamacare, “I’d rather drink weedkiller.”
The other was when he said, as the TV ad simultaneously displayed his wedding photo, “I believe that love is the answer, but you oughta carry a handgun just in case.”
What the hell does that even mean?
Believe it or not, that silly crap swept him into office where he promptly set his sights on the 2019 governor’s election.
Ordinarily, I’d say keep him in Washington, out of sight, out of mind.
Except he just won’t allow that to happen. He keeps reminding us that he’s hanging around, waiting and criticizing anything with John Bel Edwards’s fingerprints on it. Edwards could introduce a bill that would guarantee full employment and the best-educated children and the best-paid teachers in America and Kennedy would find fault with it.
On one recent occasion in that historic fraternity called the U.S. Senate, he reached back into his old treasurer chest and repeated that gawd-awful love and handgun quote in a committee hearing, prefacing his homespun philosophy by saying (incorrectly) that it was “an old saying we have back home.”
It is no such thing. I never heard that asinine expression until his Vitter-financed TV ads invaded my living room about this time last year.
Then, on Monday (May 8) he pulled a couple more embarrassingly stupid remarks out of the lower part of his anatomy. (It had to be that area doing the talking; surely his head knows better.)
Already having sold his heart and soul to Trump (“I was for Trump before he was nominated and I’m for him now” was another of his campaign proclamations), he made a complete fool of himself during Monday’s testimony of former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates before the Senate Judiciary Committee.
And the saddest part is he didn’t even know it, didn’t have a clue.
In an institution sometimes compared to clowns, he was Emmett Kelly, Red Skelton, Bozo, Krusty and Clarabell rolled into one. He (and Louisiana) would have been better off had he chosen Marcel Marceau to impersonate.
Yates, who was fired by Trump for refusing to enforce his first immigration order (which was quickly thrown out by the courts), was testifying about conversations between former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn and the Russian ambassador to the U.S. She said she feared the conversations (conversations about which Trump was told nearly three weeks before he was forced to fire Flynn—only after the Washington Post broke the story) compromised U.S. security.
The fact that he was about as uninformed about the issue as was Trump (until told by Steve Bannon, apparently) that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican or in his belief that Andrew Jackson could have prevented the Civil War, didn’t deter Kennedy from sounding like some country boy come to town for the very first time.
Author and editor Adam Weinstein felt compelled to tweet on Monday: “I didn’t know a single thing about Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) before this hearing, but thanks to this hearing I know he’s embarrassingly dumb.”
Josh Marshall, editor and publisher of Talking Points Memo, tweeted this comment: “From Kennedy to Yates: ‘I mean this with all due respect Ms Yates but I’m going to say something really stupid now.'”
Uh, yeah…No doubt.
Finally, this tweet from John Harwood, chief Washington correspondent for CNBC, of a Kennedy-Yates exchange during Monday’s committee hearing: “GOP Sen Kennedy upbraiding Yates on travel ban: ‘who appointed you to Supreme Court?’ Yates: ‘I took my responsibilities seriously as acting AG.'”
Seriously, John? That’s the best you’ve got? “Who appointed you to the Supreme Court?”
You’re not concerned about the substance of her testimony which revealed that national security could have been compromised by Flynn?
The fact that your boy Trump kept Flynn on for 18 days after learning he had lied about his conversation with the Russian didn’t raise a red flag for you?
You only wanted to know who appointed Yates to the Supreme Court?
Good God.
You’re fully qualified to be our next governor.
And the same people who lapped up your weedkiller and handgun lines will, in all probability, fall over themselves to vote for you.

