Louisiana Voice

The news that the state wants to transfer about two dozen teenagers now incarcerated in the Bridge City facility for youths to the Louisiana State Penitentiary at Angola probably hasn’t penetrated north Louisiana. Bridge City is in the New Orleans area (Jefferson Parish) after all, and it’s more of a regional story than one of general statewide interest.

But that doesn’t mitigate the seriousness of Gov. Edwards’s decision to house juveniles at a prison for hardened criminals. The argument could be made that the ones being transferred are already candidates for a lifetime of recidivism.

But while that argument may well have merit, the question remains: Should we be sending juveniles to an adult facility that is the nation’s largest maximum-security prison and which has the reputation as one of the worst prisons in America?

That prospect prompted Tulane University psychiatrist and professor Dr. Monica Stevens to tell U.S. District Judge Shelly Dick that such a move would be “unprecedented,” and that she “couldn’t ethically sign off on this.”

The decision by Edwards to move the youths was born of desperation after six juveniles escaped from Bridge City in July of this year. It was just the latest of several escapes and riots at the facility and the decision was made despite a federal law that prohibits youths from being incarcerated within sight of sound of adults.

The problems at Bridge City are not new. In fact, legislators have had at least six years – even after they were finished grandstanding and pontificating – to address problems at the facility and yet those problems remain.

In May 2016, the SENATE AND GOVERNMENTAL AFFAIRS COMMITTEE, just weeks after its lovefest with then-State Police Superintendent Mike Edmonson, tore into Department of Juvenile Justice Director Mary Livers. Leading the assault was committee chairperson Karen Carter Peterson. The committee spewed such vitriol that Livers ultimately retired. The irony of that was Livers had testified to the senators about the problems of high turnover at Bridge City.

Even as Livers attempted to relate the problems at Bridge City, she was repeatedly interrupted by Peterson, who seemed to think the hearing was all about her and who made certain that everyone in attendance was aware that she was an attorney.

Along with the 30 vacancies at Bridge City, Livers noted that her agency’s budget had been cut by 40 percent, a cut implemented by Bobby Jindal who never saw a social program he liked.

“The youth there have lots of problems or they wouldn’t be in a facility like Bridge City,” Livers said. “The problems are historic. When you have more than 100 kids in a facility, you have problems. Today Bridge City is at 136 youth. That’s too many kids in one place, not enough space. It’s a recipe for problems. We have a difficult time keeping people.”

Peterson asked why there was such a high turnover—a question Livers had already addressed in describing the working conditions at Bridge City. But she gamely tried again. “There is a variety of reasons,” she said. “Most say the job was not what they thought it would be. They don’t like being called into service and working all kinds of hours because of vacancies.”

“That goes back to you,” Peterson snapped. “It’s not enough to take responsibility. You’ve been there a long time. You say you take responsibility but nothing gets done.” This from the person who chaired the State Democratic Party into near-oblivion.

Looking back, it’s surprising that Peterson was able to stay for the full 80-minute duration of the hearing, what with her ongoing destruction of the State Democratic Party, her preparations for a future run (unsuccessful) for Congress, and her furtive gambling habit.

But never mind all that. It was her moment to shine, along with fellow senators Jean-Paul Morrell, Wesley Biship, and Jim Fannin. There was an abundance of bluster and finger-wagging in that hearing (good for TV soundbites).

Typically, after they were finished with their chest-thumping and public humiliation of a well-meaning but overwhelmed civil servant and the TV camera crews had packed up their equipment and left, the issue of Bridge City was, for the lawmakers, over. There were no more political points to be scored, so why waste time if the legislators didn’t have anything to gain?

In fact, it was a lose-lose situation, so even as Livers was calling it a career because of the lack of support for her agency, the political talking heads could go home, satisfied in the knowledge they’d found a scapegoat in Livers and driven her from office.

Problem solved.

So, here we are, six years of legislative inaction later. And the problems at Bridge City are, if anything, worse than before.

That can mean only one thing: time for another legislative committee meeting.

Wall Street 24/7, that online service that tracks everything from the best cars to cities with the highest housing costs to state rankings on a multitude of issues, has just listed the 50 US cities with the highest population growth over a single year’s time.

Not a single Louisiana city made the list.

Conversely, Wall Street 24/7 also has a list of the 50 US cities with the highest percentages of out-migration.

Five Louisiana cities adorn that list, including the city with the very highest rate of population loss.

The highest rates of growth among the top 50 cities ranged from 93.9 percent growth rate experienced by Brookland, Arkansas to the astonishing growth rate of 1,364.6 percent of Fulshear, Texas (from a population of 1,170 in 2019 to 17,136 in 2020).

Three cities had population losses of .4 of a percentage point. They were Boulder, Colorado, Springfield, Illinois, and Alexandria, Louisiana.

You have to come all the way down to 29^th biggest drop in out-migration rate to find both New Orleans-Metairie and Monroe, which had population losses of .7 percent each. The Shreveport-Bossier City metro area, with a combined population of 389,155, experienced the 20^th largest loss in out-migration at .8 percent.

But the single city in the US with the largest rate of out-migration (5.3 percent) was Lake Charles, with a population of 210,362. Much of that population loss, however, can be attributed to a pair of hurricanes, Laura and Delta, that devastated much of the city, twin disasters from which the city has yet to fully recover because of a lack of federal aid and widespread contractor fraud and shoddy repair work.

In all, the five Louisiana cities combined to lose 27,198 residents in that single year with Lake Charles experiencing a loss of 11,914 residents, easily surpassing the 9,824 residents lost by the much larger New Orleans-Metairie area (pop. 1,261,726)

Alexandria (pop. 150,890) lost 706 residents from 2019 to 2020, while Monroe (pop. 204,884) lost 1,456 during that same period and Shreveport-Bossier (pop. 389,155) lost 3,298 residents.

By comparison, Jackson, Mississippi (pop. 587,202) had the 33^rd largest percentage of out-migration at .6 percent (a loss of 3,656 residents), and the metro area of Washington, D.C.-Arlington-Alexandria, VA-Maryland-West Virginia, with a population of nearly 6.4 million, had an out-migration of .8 percent, or the equivalent of the population of a mid-sized city: 66,811.

I spent 15 years as emcee of the local comedy club in Baton Rouge and one thing I learned during that time is that occasionally, a joke will literally write itself. Something will happen or someone in the audience will say something that will drop a punchline right into the comic’s lap.

Sometimes it’s so easy and so glaringly obvious that the comic will only have to pause, smile, or raise an eyebrow. Johnny Carson was a master at just the right facial expression without saying a word.

So it was that an email that arrived in my in-box today doesn’t need me or anyone else uttering the obvious punchline. The same thought will involuntarily creep into the mind of everyone who reads this.

The email was from none other than our wingnut Attorney General Jeff Landry – he of the COCAINE DISCOVERY in his apartment when he was a deputy sheriff in St. Martin Parish; he of the political payoff of hiring the DAUGHTER OF THE LOSING CANDIDATE in the 2015 election so that the losing candidate would endorse him (that daughter, by the way had been convicted of fraud and Landry put her in charge of his …fraud division); he of the EXPLOITATION of immigrant labor; he of the expenditure of FAIR HOUSING FUNDS on plastic cups, pens, and keychains; he of the appointment of political supporter SHANE GUIDRY as an investigator, despite his glaring lack of qualifications, in exchange for his appointment to the board of directors of Guidry’s company at $50,000 per year.

Sorry. I didn’t mean to get carried away, but I wanted to be sure you knew which Jeff Landry I was referring to.

Anyway, the email was to announce Landry’s 12^th annual alligator hunt, scheduled for next week (Thursday, September 8 through Sunday, September 10).

This year’s special guest will be none other than another fellow rumored to indulge in nose candy from time to time (I personally have never observed him participating in any such debauchery, but the rumors, like those that swirl around Hunter Biden’s laptop in Repugnantcan circles, are certainly out there – and some people apparently put a lot of stock in such rumors): Donald Trump Jr.

That’s right. Junior will be a participant in this year’s alligator hunt. And for the privilege of rubbing elbows with the former First Goofball, one may become a Swamp Master Corporate Sponsor for the bargain price of $50,000. That will include four hunters, 12 VIP camp passes with access to VIP tent hours, reserved sleeping accommodations, RV parking, listing on the Sponsor Board and – get this – a private breakfast with Landry his own self.

For a mere $25,000, you get six VIP camp passes with access to the VIP tent, reserved sleeping accommodations for two hunters, sponsor naming privileges for water ferries, listing on the Sponsor Board and a single VIP parking pass.

For the more economy-minded, $5,000 will get four camp passes for Friday and Saturday for a single hunter, membership in the “General’s Club,” which will get you into all fundraising events hosted by Landry (with the expectation, of course, of chipping in more love offerings).

Bayou Sponsors can get a Sponsor Board listing and four camp passes for Friday and Saturday for the bargain price of $2,500.

For the cheap bas***ds, $1,000 will get a single hanger-on a one-day camp pass on Friday or Saturday (not both – Landry’s not running a charity here).

Did I mention that the Great White Hunter Donald Trump, Jr. is going to be Landry’s special guest? Oh, I did. Well, you know he ain’t coming here for nothing. It’d be nice to know how much Landry’s paying him. Oh, and also providing entertainment will be Craig Morgan and Gary Levux of Rascal Flatts.

Anyway, here’s Landrys email, which I’m pretty sure was sent to me by mistake:

From: Jeff Landry <jeffl@jefflandry.com>
Date: August 29, 2022 at 2:48:58 PM CDT
To: landrygatorhunt@gmail.com
Subject: Alligator Hunt Special Guest!

The Alligator Hunt is right around the corner and I am so excited to announce a very special guest will be joining our Swamp Masters and Bayou Hosts for our VIP night on Thursday.

We are honored to have Donald Trump Jr. joining the festivities for this special part of the hunt! 

If you have not already signed up as a Swamp Master or Bayou Host, do so now and don’t miss out on the fun and chance to visit with Trump Jr.!

We are also excited to tell you about the special entertainment for the Thursday VIP event – Craig Morgan and Gary Levox of Rascal Flatts will take the stage! 

If you’d like to join us as a Swamp Master or Bayou Host for this special night please contact Andree Miller at 337-351-3014 or at landrygatorhunt@gmail.com

Every year I look forward to this event and it gets better every year. That is because of you and your support – I can’t thank you enough. Let’s have the best Alligator Hunt yet!

Now in case you missed it, here’s the setup for that self-writing joke: You’re going to have Donald Trump, Jr. from New York City and alligators from Louisiana converging at the same place and same time in Louisiana swamps.

I wonder if a little Tony Chachere’s on top-secret documents would appeal to alligators’ palates?

See, I didn’t have to resort to the speculation that ‘gators might find certain human grifters to be too rancid for their tastes.

Now get busy and write your own punchline.

Libraries, it seems, pose an imminent threat to our very way of life. They are destroying the minds and souls of our children, usurping parental authority, laying the groundwork for a (communist, Islamic, or Hispanic – pick one) takeover of our country.

Book banning is the only solution!

The hysteria is spreading throughout the local levels of government in America and you need to voice your opposition at today’s meeting of the Livingston Parish Council at 6 p.m. in the Parish Governmental Building in Livingston.

You never heard such rot in your life – at least not since the Joe McCarthy-spawned panic of the 1950s that produced those silly Americanism vs. Communism classes in high school and the asinine elementary school drills on how to duck under your desk in case of a nuclear attack.

Or the widespread phobia that when desegregation came to our lily-white schools, it would mean the end of life as we knew it. Why, who knows? They might even start dating our daughters (forgetting for the moment that it usually takes the consent of both to constitute a date). Of course, when we had a black running back who could power over the opposition or a point guard who could shoot the eyes out of the basket, we embraced him as “ours” – until his eligibility was up and then we conveniently forgot all about him, tossing him aside like yesterday’s newspaper.

My grandfather taught me that was the very definition of hypocrisy, as was the profession of Christianity on Sunday while donning a white sheet on Saturday night to burn a cross on someone’s lawn.

I remember when I first moved to Denham Springs back in 1981, we visited the Livingston Parish Fair. When a family parked next to us and exited their vehicle, I overhead the wife asking the husband, “Aren’t you going to lock the car? There’s a book on the back seat.”

The husband replied, “When we get back, the car may be gone but the book will still be there.”

We laughed, but his joke was closer to the truth than we would’ve liked. The parish library at the time was housed in a single, cramped room in the back of a medical complex and boasted an embarrassingly limited number of books.

We (Livingston Parish) were a standing joke at the local comedy club with the touring comics and I admit, as club emcee, I am guilty of my own pointed jabs at the prevailing redneck culture of the time. Such was the reputation of Livingston Parish 40 years ago.

I’d love to think that we’ve progressed beyond that. A population explosion caused by the availability of cheap land in more peaceful surroundings coupled with I-12 access to a Baton Rouge commute saw subdivisions spring up like mushrooms in a cow patty. New schools were built, we got a new courthouse and best of all, we built a parish-wide library system of which we can be justifiably proud.

Until now.

Now, the lunatics are trying to run the asylum as the movement to censor – and ban – books picks up momentum. It’s a favorite tactic of any totalitarian dictator: clamp down on literature that might be deemed offensive or perceived as threatening.

They just did it in Jamestown, Michigan, where the public library was defunded over the librarian’s refusal to censor or ban a LGBTQ book. They claimed the library was “grooming” children and calling library staff pedophiles.

Sound familiar? That’s what a guy named Michael Lunsford, head of a fringe outfit called Citizens for a New Louisiana, is attempting to do across the state. He’s already initiated similar efforts in Lafayette and Caddo parishes and now he’s weaseled his way into Livingston by launching a frontal – and defamatory – attack on a popular school librarian.

And now the Livingston Parish Council, in an obviously underhanded effort to conceal its actions from the public, has “added” a late “addendum” to its agenda for today’s meeting:

• Discussion and possible resolution of support for the reclassification of certain books in the Livingston Parish Public Library.

(Nothing like a late add-on to an agenda item to sneak through controversial actions.)

In a parish devastated by widespread flooding in 2016, it would seem the parish council would have more important matters to consider – like instituting flood control and dredging of the Amite River – than worrying about exposing innocent children to the dreadful poison of LGBTQ books. There’s an old Bob Dylan song that seems relevant today:

Come mothers and fathers throughout the land

and don’t criticize what you don’t understand.

Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command

Your old road is rapidly aging.

Please get out of the new one if you can’t lend a hand

for the times, they are a-changin’.

“Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command.” A most relevant line, one worth remembering.

Grooming? These narrow-minded bureaucrats are so locked in to what some book might contain, they’ve completely overlooked a thing called the Internet and cell phones.

Kids today all have cellphones and those cellphones all have Internet access and cameras. They can access all the LGBTQ literature and all the porn they can imagine – without your knowledge or your consent. And don’t think for a nano-second that some aren’t taking – and sending – explicit selfies to each other. It’s called sexting. And even more dangerous than any book, some are communicating with creepy adults who can introduce them to a much more dangerous world of drugs and sex trafficking.

And we’re worried about some book? C’mon, aren’t there any adults in the room? A book isn’t going to make a kid gay and no religious indoctrination is going to change a gay child to straight.

Book banning is wrong on every level imaginable. We’ve already seen math textbooks banned in Florida, for what possible reason I haven’t the foggiest. This may sound alarmist and it may appear to be some sort of scare tactic but remember where you read this:

If this effort succeeds, it will be just the first step to shutting down American history lessons that don’t agree with someone’s political agenda. It will be the first step toward censoring any literature about women’s rights (like the struggle for women’s suffrage, for example). It will be the first step toward abolishing any teaching about the American Civil War or about the struggle for civil rights. It could even be the first step toward reverting to not allowing blacks or women or even non-property owners to vote.

Drastic? Yes. Draconian? You bet. But once that first step is allowed, the second and third and subsequent steps will be much easier. Once it is decided what you may or may not read, it will be an easy matter to strip away the rest of your rights.

Please be in attendance at 6 p.m. at the Livingston Parish Governmental Building in Livingston to show your opposition to this new form of kneejerk McCarthyism and your crucial support for Livingston Parish librarians. It’s important.