Louisiana Voice

I don’t know how I got so lucky.

First, I got myself on the mailing list of Bobby Jindal when he was floundering his way through caucuses and primaries in his ridiculous pursuit of the 2016 Republican president nomination – though in retrospect, he might well have proven a more effective and less divisive president than the one we ended up with.

Which brings me to that one. I now find myself on the mailing list of the self-described president-in-exile down in Florida as he:

Continues to insist he was robbed – despite some 60 court decisions that have said otherwise;

Blames his successor for many of his own failures – for instance, he lays the coronavirus tragedy at the feet of Biden despite his own distain for precautions like masks and vaccines that, had he endorsed them, his fawning followers would have fallen in line. He also consistently blames Biden for the Afghanistan withdrawal debacle despite the fact that the so-called Biden withdrawal was done under strict terms negotiated by…Trump.

Most importantly, he begs for contributions in a manner that resembles some sort of hybrid combination of a shameless televangelist offering eternal salvation and a splinter from the cross and those cheesy late-night TV commercials for “limited-time” opportunities to purchase cheap merchandise provided you call in the next 15 minutes.

I receive dozens of these solicitations daily not only from the Trump Meister his own self, but from sons Donnie Jr., and Eric, from Ivanka, Donnie’s sleep-over girlfriend what’s-her-name, and various hangers-on like Newt and a host of others. Conspicuously absent from this all-star cast of grifters, however, is the name Melania. Apparently, she doesn’t share her husband’s taste for carnivalesque barkers.

The “offers” are as ridiculous and worthless are they are varied and when you step back and analyze them, they’re actually pretty insulting to anything with an IQ higher than that of a gerbil.

Topping the list, perhaps, would be the opportunity to be included in the “Trump Honor Roll,” followed pretty close by the “official” Trump Club gold membership card (left unexplained is where, exactly, this club is, or who the other members are).

And then there are the imaginative Trump Christmas stockings:

Or the handy Trump 2022 calendars:

And who could resist those clever “Let’s Go Brandon” tee-shirts?

And who could resist a chance to get their name on Trump’s “Donor List” or an opportunity to win a trip to meet and take a photo with Trump backstage at his rally?

But only if you act now. Make your contribution in the next 10 minutes (or by 11:59 p.m.).

(Though it would be nice if they’d do the right thing and let you know that it’s not a one-time contribution. Once you give them your credit care number or bank account information, the money is extracted from your account each month – without your knowledge of consent.)