Louisiana Voice

It’s no secret that I despise Donald John Trump, aka “the former guy.” He campaigned as a buffoon and his four years in office were even worse.

But much as I detested him and his political agenda (read: redneck rhetoric), I have to admit he got one thing right: he knew enough about politics not to run as some obscure third-party candidate.

One need only look at the roster of those who tried to know at a glance no third-party candidate stands a chance in hell against the two monied, established parties. It just ain’t gonna happen.

The most successful of the third-party candidates in the 20^th century was Teddy Roosevelt who, in 1912, received 27.4 percent of the popular vote, enough to dislodge his former – and future – friend William Howard Taft, who came in with just 23.2 percent. The winner? Woodrow Wilson, with 41.8 percent, second lowest only to John Quincy Adams who pulled down just 32.1 percent to win in 1824.

But bear in mind, Roosevelt had already served nearly two full terms as a Republican president, assuming office when William McKinley was assassinated.

Next highest among independent or third-party candidates in the 20^th century was Ross (“I’ll jes’ git under the hood and fix it”) Perot, who received 18.9 percent of the popular vote in 1996.

Continuing the exercise in futility as a third-party candidate, we have, in order of percentages:

• Robert La Follette (Progressive Party): 16.6 percent in 1924;
• George Wallace (American Independent): 14.5 percent in 1968;
• John Anderson (Independent): 6.6 percent in 1980;
• Gary Johnson (Libertarian); 3.3 percent in 2016;
• Ralph Nader (Reform and Independent in 3 tries): 2.7 percent in 1996;
• Strom Thurman (Dixiecrat): 2.4 percent in 1948;
• Henry Wallace (Progressive Party): 2.4 percent in 1948;
• Ralph Nader (Green Party): 2.7 percent in 2000;
• Jo Jorgensen (Libertarian Party): 1.2 percent in 2020;
• Jill Stein (Green Party): 1.1 percent in 2016;
• Eugene McCarthy (Independent): 0.9 percent in 1976;
• David Duke (Populist Party): 0.05 percent in 1988;
• Pat Buchanan (Reform): 0.04 percent in 2000.

How sad is it that Buchanan couldn’t even poll higher numbers than our very own racist-in-residence? That’s gotta be embarrassing.

Trump actually toyed with the idea of running as an Reform Party candidate in 2000 but in the end, rejected the idea and of course, ran in 2016 as a Republican, getting elected with 46.1 percent of the vote.

The lesson to be learned here is that one should never seek the presidency as a third-party candidate. Too much money and too much power are aligned against you – from both major parties. It’s just not in the cards.

If you’re serious about getting elected as some sort of maverick or novice, the path to follow is the one Trump chose.

You simply hijack an existing party and then follow this formula:

• Mold it to shape whatever warped ideology you may embrace at the time;
• Insult the other candidates;
• Dodge legitimate questions about policy, your personal life and business dealings;
• Make false promises you have no intention of keeping;
• Claim to be a genius;
• Beg for money while claiming to be financing our own campaign;
• Call anyone who disagrees with you a loser (or worse);
• Appoint aides but give them no authority and fire them on a whim;
• Cozy up to adversaries and betray allies.

Of course, with such tactic only works if the party you ultimately choose capitulates and allows itself to be seized in a hostile takeover.