Louisiana Voice

A Baton Rouge-area minister has been arrested for violating the stay-at-home order of Gov. John Bel Edwards by continuing to hold services at his church but he has several options open to him to circumvent the governor’s order.

Pastor Howe Dewey Connem of the Church of the Living Waters in Plunkerville says his First Amendment rights are being violated by the prohibition of gatherings of more than 50 people. He normally attracts upwards of a thousand or more (many more, if Donald Trump is counting heads) to his performances sermons.

Rev. Connem said if the governor is successful in lowering his attendance figures, there’s a good chance that he might not have ample opportunity to get members to pledge their $1200 federal stimulus payments (plus $500 per child—and a lot of members have kids) to his church before they spend the money on frivolous things like food, utilities, rent, etc.

“I find it ironic that they are trying to nail me to the cross right here at Easter,” he added.

On Tuesday, a similar incident occurred when Central Police Chief Roger Corcoran CITED Pastor Tony Spell of Central’s Life Tabernacle Church on six counts, saying Rev. Spell “will be held responsible for his reckless and irresponsible decisions that endangered the health of his congregation and our community.”

We don’t know about Rev. Spell but don’t count Rev. Connem out too quickly. He’s got several aces up his sleeve—not that he’s a gambling man, mind you, though he doesn’t seem to mind gambling with the health of his parishioners or his community.

First of all, he’s going go have U.S. Rep. CLAY HIGGINS file a bill in Congress to exempt Living Waters from the governor’s order because—well, because Higgins is such a stand-up man of faith and paragon of virtue so, why not? The bill will have as co-authors Rep. Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, and Lindsey Graham and in the Senate, John Kennedy and Mitch McConnell will lead the fight for passage.

Once the bill is passed and signed by Trump, the Great Orange himself will fly into Ryan Airport and take the short drive to Living Waters where he will take his place on the front pew. “Religion is a big part of my life,” Trump said, adding that he will brush up bigly on Two Corinthians before visiting with Brother Dewey. “Religion is, like, a big, really big…I don’t know if you know this, not many people do know, but church is a part of religion and evangelicals helped me win the popular vote and I’m very popular with religious people, the polls show it, bigger numbers than any president in history. Religious people like to play golf at my resorts, the religious people who can afford it, that is, and I love to play bingo at the Baptist churches. Obama was a Muslim, everyone knows, but I’m probably the most tolerant person in the world,” the President said.

The second tactic to be employed will be bringing in students from BETHEL CHURCH in Redding, California to lay hands on all those Mardi Gras revelers who have come down with COVID-19 so that they may be healed.

It is anticipated that a large number of the Bethel members will converge on Baton Rouge to do the work of Living Waters since Bethel itself has suspended its faith healing rituals at local hospitals in California. No reason has been given for the suspension but heaven forbid that it’s over concern that the faith healers themselves might become infected.

Third on Preacher Howe Dewey Connem’s to-do list is to bring televangelist KENNETH COPELAND to Living Waters to do his thing, which is to repeat his demand that the coronavirus pandemic is officially over. [Actually, what Copeland did was to “execute judgment” on COVID-19 and to (gasp!) call the virus “doggone!” Copeland also said, “It is finished!” (where have we heard that before?)]

And just for good measure, students from Jerry Falwell Jr.’s LIBERTY UNIVERSITY are coming down here on a special mission. Pastor Connem will deploy his two dozen or so buses to transport the students throughout the Baton Rouge area recruiting anyone with the sniffles, sneezes, fever, or a cough to bring them back to Living Waters to demonstrate the healing powers of defiance of authority and common sense.