I intended to limit my “You Might be a Trumpster” takeoff on Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might be a Redneck, but the suggestions started piling up in my inbox, so I was sorta kinda forced into Volume II:
- If you graduated from the Wharton School of Finance in 1968 and claim that you studied the Laffer Curve “for many years” while there when the Laffer Curve was first revealed (on a napkin) in 1974…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you think Jan and Dean’s Dead Man’s Curve was a failed Democrat economic plan…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you believe arming teachers, preachers, fast food and Wall Mart customers will bring a halt to mass shootings…you might be a Trumpster
- If you bring your mistress along on a family ski vacation…you might be a Trumpster.
- If your hair style looks like the string in a weed whacker gone bad…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you play the golf club championship alone and declare yourself club champion…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you insist on non-disclosure agreements from your employees…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you are a fan of Rosanne Barr, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian and Dennis Rodman…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you criticize President Obama for not visiting Louisiana flood damaged areas but then keep your appointment to meet with Kayan West the day after Hurricane Michael destroys two cities in Florida…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you hold a reception in the White House to honor the 2018 Boston Red Socks…you might be a Trumpster.
- If your favorite Christmas carol is Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you think Puerto Rico only in terms of “an island surrounded by big water”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you believe that Sean Hannity is a professional journalist and that media licenses be revoked over news coverage you don’t like…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you threatened to revoke the U.S. citizenship of all Puerto Ricans because they are “not part of the American race”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you think Calculus is where you get the milk for your cereal…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you think infrastructure is what kids build with Legos…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you mock women who claimed he sexually assaulted them by saying they weren’t attractive enough to earn your attention…you might be a Trumpster. (Face it, evangelicals, you just can’t adhere to Christ’s teachings and support the caging of children like animals. I’m sorry, you just can’t.]
- If you can convince evangelicals to surrender every scintilla of Christianity in order to justify supporting your sorry ass…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you EVER tweeted, “Any negative polls are fake news”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you EVER tweeted, “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you EVER tweeted, “Despite the constant negative press covfefe”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you have taught your followers how to say “Fake News,” “No Collusion,” “Witch Hunt,” and “Lock her up” the way a good cult should…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “I think I’m much more humble than you would understand”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “Let me tell you, I’m a really smart guy”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body” (are you listening, evangelicals?)…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “What’s that?” when told you just attacked a Gold Star family…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things”…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “Nobody respects women more than me,” and three minutes later, said, “Such a nasty woman” (are you listening, evangelicals?)…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you tried to hide 300 filthy, malnourished children when the conditions in which they were being forced to live were exposed by secretly moving them somewhere else…you might be a Trumpster…but you’re certainly no Christian. In fact, you’re not even a decent human being.
- If you ever said, “You know, it really doesn’t matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass” (are you listening, evangelicals? Are you listening, women?)…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “Women: you have to treat them like s**t” (are you listening, evangelicals? Are you listening, women?)…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10” (are you listening, women?)…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever boasted that his building was now the tallest in downtown Manhattan after the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center…you might be a Trumpster.
- If you ever said, “We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated”…you have just explained, in the most graphic terms, the Trumpster phenomenon in this country.
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Tom, you need to correct the first name of Kanye West, and more importantly, as a baseball fan, you need to correct the last name of the Boston Red Sox. I know, it must have been autocorrect’s fault.
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The invitation the White House sent out was for the Boston Red Socks; that’s why I spelled it that way. As a lifelong Sox fan, I knew and the Trump White House should’ve known. The misspelling of Kanye West’s name was a bonehead mistake by yours truly, but then I don’t profess to be a fan of his.
Says it all…. no, I am not, never will be, a Trumpster!
And you might be a redneck if you are from Ruston! Or, you might be Cajun if you are from Iberia Parish! But… don’t we have MUCH bigger fish to fry than the present CEO of US, Inc? I think we are losing sight of what is going on in the great Louisiana state… Just MHO… BTW Tom, you are no Jeff Foxworthy, but you did remind me of some Edwin Edwards jokes, but we are not going there!
Not sure what your point is, but if you really think we have bigger problems than Trump, it’s worse than I thought. You do know what flows downhill, don’t you? As for my being Foxworthy, I never said I was, although if I did still do stand up comedy, I would aspire to someone like Todd Yahn or “Tater Salad” Ron White, comics with whom I’ve performed and who I consider much funnier.
And, as for this post, I wasn’t attempting humor; I was trying to point out the absurdity and stupidity of this administration.
“You might be a Trumpster, If…” Volumes 1& 2 were actually hard for me to read. So much true ugly, negative facts about a sitting American President is gut-wrenching and while I am thankful for a clear head, sound mind and a clear understanding of “What Jesus Would Do”, I live among far too many “Trumpsters!”
Edith you’re right about being among far too many Trumpsters. For the life of me I can not understand why anyone could support such an immoral individual. I guess it takes all kinds.
wildbill68 – maybe we should have an “I am not a Trumpster” convention just for moral support?
If you can’t see that economy is improving, more people or working then the past 8 year, that dam sure didn’t from your buddy o, his male companion Michael. Also look at what your friend JBE has put Louisiana at the bottom of the economic garbage hill. Then you need go back to Ruston and stick your head in the dirt.
First of all, “past 8 year” should be plural, as in “past 8 years,” and the swear word “damn” is spelled with an “n” at the end. Otherwise, you’re just another beaver.
And who is this person Michael that you mention?
Second, yes, the economy is good, but wages have remained stagnant so, the only ones benefiting are those at the very top—pretty much as it’s always been under Republicans. All those tax breaks went to the rich and powerful and to corporations. What did the corporations do with the tax money they saved? Did they create new jobs? No. Did they enrich the stockholders? You bet!
As for the performance of the economy under Obama, I faintly remember that he inherited a total mess with the collapse of a number of Wall Street banks that threw the economy into a tailspin—under George W. Bush. Obama spent “8 year” rebuilding the economy—while Mitch McConnell and the Republicans fought him at every turn—and if you bothered to check the DOW, you’d see it actually gained under Obama at a higher rate than it has under Trumpster. So, why don’t you be honest and just say you don’t like Obama because he is black, since that is pretty obvious?
You’re certainly entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts. You’ve taken claims by Trump and repeated them as gospel. They’re not, unfortunately.
And you’re going to try to say Gov. Edwards put Louisiana at the bottom of the hill? I don’t think so, pal. I’ve written quite a few stories during the Jindal years that illustrated that Louisiana ranked at the bottom of every good indicator and at the top of every bad one, so don’t even try to put that in Edwards’ lap. If you do, you’re exposing yourself as just another uninformed, uneducated, opinionated Archie Bunker. (But to be fair to Jindal, Louisiana was on those lists before he came along. The problems in this state go way back to the Long era. But Jindal and his Republican legislature did manage to make matters much worse during his “8 year.”)
Finally, you typically resort to the favorite tactic as your hero when you can’t come up with sound arguments to support your misinformed opinion: insults. Trump never listens to differing opinions but chooses instead to attack those who disagree. I see you’ve picked up on that quite easily. Congratulations for letting someone else do your thinking and talking for you.
That makes you, by definition, a Trumpster (and that’s not a compliment).