Louisiana Voice

Brian Kelly was originally signed to a 10-year, $95 million contract to coach football at LSU. Sunday, a little more than halfway through his fourth season, he was shown the door. His firing followed a humiliating pounding at the hands of No. 3, undefeated Texas A&M on the Tigers’ home field.

That meant that the, BUYOUT OF HIS CONTRACT before negotiations which at this writing, were still ongoing, carried a face value of $54 million, the second-largest buyout of a coach’s contract in NCAA history.

The record buyout, by the way, was the eyepopping $77 MILLION owed Jimbo Fisher by A&M when he was axed in 2023.

Kelly and Fisher have a common denominator (besides both having coached at LSU where Fisher was an LSU assistant under coaches Nick Saban and Les Miles). That common thread that links the two is Scott Woodward.

While serving as athletic director at A&M it was Woodward who signed Fisher to a 10-year, $75 million contract in December 2017. The A&M Board of Regents extended that contract through the 2031 season in 2021. A clause in his contract stipulated that should he be fired without cause before Dec. 1, 2021, he would be owed a whopping $95.6 million. Alas, he was canned after a disappointing start to the 2023 season and his contract was bought out for $77.5 million.

Of course, Woodward, a native of Baton Rouge, moved back home in 2000 and was responsible for the hiring of Kelly to that $95 million pact on Nov. 30, 2021. Obviously, Woodward wasn’t around for Fisher’s firing – he left A&M but the fact remains that he was the one responsible for hiring both coaches.

The LSU Board of Supervisors and Woodward would be financially prudent to follow the example of one Walter O’Malley, owner of the Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers from 1950-1979. He had a manager named Walter Alston to whom he signed to 23 consecutive one-year contracts, from 1954-1976. All Alston did was win seven National League pennants and four World Series titles. None of that multi-year contract business for O’Malley. Consecutive one-year contracts seemed to be sufficient incentive for Alston to win and win he did.

Of course, the business of sports has changed drastically and there are no more one-year contracts. Players and coaches alike demand security while the rest of us go to work each day never knowing when a hedge fund is going to buy our employer and lay us off and relegate us to the scrap heap of the unemployment line.

Fair or not, that’s the direction the mega-dollar of sports has taken us and we appear to have gone along for the ride willingly and without complaint.

So, we’ve come a long way since Paul Dietzel became LSU’s head coach in 1955 at a salary of $12,000 per year (Les Miles chewed that much in grass during a single game), which by the way, was about average for a time when football was a game and not a business.

There can be no question now that the post-mortem has officially begun following LSU’s embarrassing 49-25 loss Saturday night in Death Valley – a game whose outcome wasn’t nearly as close as the 24-point differential indicated. Only a late “trash” touchdown by LSU kept it from being even worse.

The real mystery is how the Tigers actually held a four-point lead (18-14) at halftime before the Aggies shredded LSU’s defense the second half.

The Baton Rouge Advocate’s focus Sunday morning appeared to be on a potential $54 million buyout of Coach Brian Kelly’s contract,

It seems particularly absurd to be even thinking about spending $54 million to buy out a coaching contract in light of runaway inflation, unpaid federal workers, rising health insurance premiums and rampant rumors of an armed invasion of a sovereign nation (Venezuela).

But unfortunately, that is the mentality that dominates the thinking of rabid football fans: win or else, the costs be damned.

The first cracks began a few weeks ago when Kelly exploded at a legitimate question about LSU’s lethargic offensive attack. The mood has progressively worsened since then.

With deteriorating physical plant in the academic realm of LSU, as well as other universities in the state, it seems ludicrous to even think about devoting so much concern and finances to a game but that’s what has happened, not just at LSU, but nationwide.

So long as the public’s attention can be diverted to circuses, then the politicians are free to do just about anything they want – and that’s exactly what’s happening to us today.

Political commentary aside, consider for a moment the implications of placing so much emphasis on sports. Besides the $54 million that would necessitate a buyout of Kelly’s contract, remember that LSU has just gotten off the hook for a $17 MILLION BUYOUT of Ed Orgeron’s contract and all he did was go 15-0, win a national championship, produce LSU’s second Heisman Trophy winner and reap a few head coaching and assistant coaching awards.

To be fair, it’s not just LSU. The state’s flagship university is the only university in the state whose athletic department can lay claim to being totally self-sufficient. Well, it isn’t totally; there is something called the Tiger Athletic Foundation (TAF) that contributes a few bucks here and there.

But SCHOOLS LIKE ULL are forced to subsidize their athletic programs because they do not generate enough money to keep the lights on. That’s probably because they tend to play before packed houses of fans disguised as empty seats. Take my alma mater, Louisiana Tech. Even when Terry Bradshaw played there and a couple of years after he left, when they won the small college national championship, they never had a sellout in their new stadium that seated approximately 25,000. So, how did they address that? They expanded the stadium, to offer even more empty seats, of course.

Of course, Kelly can also point to a Heisman winner in Jayden Daniels but hey, that was two years ago and he still has not won a national title. And LSU did manage an overtime win over Alabama in Kelly’s first year but he hasn’t beaten the Tide since and this year’s upcoming game doesn’t hold much promise of doing so. To succeed at LSU, one must defeat ‘Bama.

If there is a bright side (to anyone but LSU, Kelly and his assistant coaches) it’s that there are those who have managed to keep their sense of humor about the whole mess, albeit a rather dark sense of humor.

This meme popped up this morning:

And then there were these other parodies from a publication calling itself The Sadvocate. Some of their stories are actually more clever than, or at least as clever as, those found in The Onion. There’s this one:

Scott Woodward Applies for Student Loan to Pay Kelly Buyout Because Technically Its an Expensive Lesson

BATON ROUGE, LA – LSU Athletic Director Scott Woodward has reportedly filed a federal student loan application to help cover Brian Kelly’s $50+ million buyout, arguing that the failed coaching experiment qualifies as “an expensive lesson.”

According to sources, Woodward listed his field of study as Sports Mismanagement with a Minor in Terrible Contracts. His FAFSA form reportedly included Kelly’s salary under “educational expenses,” next to “tutoring in bad decision-making.”

University officials say the loan was initially denied due to “insufficient academic progress,” but Woodward appealed, citing “lifelong learning through catastrophic contracts.” He has since been offered an income-based repayment plan which requires putting up Jay Johnson and Kim Mulkey as collateral.

Woodward defended the decision in a statement written to The Sadvocate saying, “We’re treating this as a teachable moment. If college students can go into debt for a psychology degree, I should be able to for this.”

Kelly praised the move, calling it “a very smart decision,” which experts agree automatically makes it the opposite.

This:

Brian Kelly Seen Exiting Tiger Stadium Late in 3rd Quarter “To Avoid the Rush”

BATON ROUGE, LA – LSU Head Coach Brian Kelly was reportedly spotted leaving Tiger Stadium late in the third quarter Saturday night, citing his desire to “beat the traffic and preserve his mental health.”

Witnesses said Kelly quietly slipped through the tunnel moments after the Tigers surrendered yet another third-down conversion, politely nodding to security before heading toward his SUV in Lot 101. “He looked calm,” one usher said. “Kind of like someone who knew the game was over but wanted to make sure he could still get out ahead of traffic.”

According to a team spokesperson, Kelly “remains fully committed to the program” and only left “to observe fan egress patterns for future efficiency studies.”

Traffic cameras later confirmed his vehicle merging onto I-10 East at 10:22 p.m., about two plays before the final whistle. When asked for comment, Kelly told a reporter from The Sadvocate via text message, “I’ll review the tape Monday. From home.”

And this:

LSU Raises Ticket Prices to Help Fans Feel Like They’re Suffering at an Elite Level

BATON ROUGE, LA – LSU officials announced Friday that football ticket and parking prices will rise for the 2026 season, citing the university’s ongoing commitment to “providing fans with the highest possible caliber of disappointment.”

The price hike, approved unanimously by the Board of Supervisors, will reportedly ensure that every moment of frustration inside Tiger Stadium continues to feel “authentically premium.” One administrator explained the move by saying, “It’s not just about watching football, it’s about experiencing heartache in high definition.”

Sources inside the athletic department say the increase will help fund “new and improved ways to lose winnable games,” including better lighting for fourth-quarter collapses and upgraded speakers so fans can clearly hear the postgame excuses.

Coach Brian Kelly voiced support for the decision, saying, “If we expect a championship level experience, we’ve got to charge championship level ticket pricing.”

Fans, meanwhile, expressed mixed reactions, with many admitting they’ll still pay because “misery just hits different in Death Valley.”

The university confirmed that ticket holders in the new “Platinum Loyalty Section” will also receive a commemorative “We’ll Get ‘Em Next Year” towel, perfect for wiping away tears or throwing during interceptions.

Even as he directs the Justice Department under Pam Bodi to go after perceived political enemies, Donald Trump, aka Agent Orange, continues to pardon and commute the sentences of those convicted of equal or more serious offenses.

In his skewed sense of justice, Trump has pardoned or commuted the sentences of:

• Those who invaded the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, an insurrection carried out at his instructions and which directly resulted in the death of a Capitol police officer;
• Ross Ulbricht, founder of the Silk Road dark web marketplace for the sale of illegal drugs and other illicit goods using cryptocurrency;
• Andrew Zabavsky and Terence Dale Sutton, Jr. Washington, D.C. police officers who were sentenced for their involvement in the death of a D.C. motorist;
• Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, convicted in 2011 on multiple corruption charges;
• Former Tennessee State Senator Brian Kelsey, who pleaded guilty to attempting to illegally funnel money into his 2016 campaign for Congress;
• Devon Archer, convicted in 2022 of defrauding a Native American tribe in a $60 million bond scheme;
• Former U.S. Rep. George Santos, convicted and sentenced for fraud and identity theft, among other charges;
• Binance founder Changpeng Zhao, who created the world’s largest cryptocurrency exchange but failed to stop criminals from using the platform to move money that was connected to child sex abuse, drug trafficking and terrorism.

In a typical fit of petulance, he announced yesterday that TRADE TALKS WITH CANADA were “terminated,” all because of that country’s anti-tariff TV ad that Trump said was “FAKE” which employed quotes from Ronald Reagan, a member of Trump’s own party – or what used to be the Republican Party but now is unrecognizable. God only knows what his position will be tomorrow.

Bear in mind that all this was done in the first 10 months of his second term but has drawn little media attention because of other distractions like troop deployment to Democrat-run cities, his terror campaign of arrest and deportation of people of color, both citizens and non-citizens, his ego-driven July 4 flop of a parade, his grandstanding before 800 generals and admirals, his threats of tariffs, his back-and-forth talks with Putin, the Epstein files, his demolition of the White House’s East Wing so he can build his 90,000-square-foot ballroom monument to himself and the government shutdown and the firing of thousands of federal workers or the requirement that “essential” workers continue at their posts without pay..

But before we unload on Trump, remember that none of the aforementioned atrocities could have been carried out successfully without a host of enablers, bot appointed and elected.

Let’s review. First are members of his cabinet and other appointees:

• KASH PATEL
• J.D. VANCE
• KRISTY NOEM
• PAM BODI
• RUSSELL VOUGHT
• PETE HEGSETH
• ROBERT F. KENNEDY, JR.
• TULSI GABBARD
• JOHN RATCLIFFE
• MARCO RUBIO
• STEPHEN MILLER
• KAROLINE LEAVITT
• PETER THIEL

Has there ever existed a group of more unqualified public servants in the history of this nation? I don’t think so. I listed their names in all-caps and boldface type because of the sheer stupidity. Combined, there are not enough IQ points to dot a domino. But there is an abundance of pure evil; oh, is there evil.

On to the U.S. Senate, where Louisiana’s own senators certainly qualify as members of the Trump Ass-Kissing Benevolent Society:

• JOHN THUNE
• TOM COTTON
• TIM SCOTT
• MARSHA BLACKBURN
• BILL CASSIDY
• SUSAN COLLINS
• JOHN CORNYN
• TED CRUZ
• CHUCK GRASSLEY
• LINDSEY GRAHAM
• JOSH HAWLEY
• RON JOHNSON
• CINDY HYDE-SMITH
• JOHN KENNEDY
• MITCH McCONNELL
• LISA MURKOWSKI
• RICK SCOTT
• TOMMY TUBERVILLE

Then, there are the House members, each one of which will be up for reelection in just over a year (as will one-third of the Senate).

• MIKE JOHNSON
• STEVE SCA;OSE
• CLAY JOGGOMS
• JULIA LETLOW
• CLAY HIGGINS
• LAUREN BOEBERT
• JAMES COMER
• JEFF HURD
• RONNY JACKSON
• JIM JORDAN
• MIKE KELLY
• MICHAEL LAWLER
• NANCY MACE
• THOMAS MASSIE
• RICHARD McCORMICK
• TIM MOORE
• MIKE ROGERS
• CHIP ROY
• PETE SESSIONS

Finally, we have nine Supreme Court justices, six of whom are in Trump’s pocket:

• JOHN ROBERTS (CHIEF JUSTICE)
• CLARENCE THOMAS
• SAMUEL ALITO, JR.
• NEIL GORSUCH
• BRETT KAVANAUGH
• AMY CONEY BARRETT

These, then, are the enablers. These are the ones who have facilitated the actions of a madman, a man who thrives on division and distortions. These are the people who, by their silence, have allowed the U.S. to slide precipitously toward third-world status. By their inaction, they are complicit. Should anything he does ever be determined to be felonious, they will be accessories, abettors, partners in crime.

Without them, he would be powerless. These people have stood by as Trump deliberately chips away at the foundations of this country – the Constitution of the United States of America and the Bill or Rights. They have allowed him to chip away at our freedoms, our very way of life.

Cadet Bone Spurs’ efforts to stack the deck by having states like Texas and Louisiana enact redistricting notwithstanding, it is critical that voters turn out in large numbers next November to send a loud and clear, unmistakable message to the Beltway that we desire to have our country, our freedoms, back.

I have listed 56 of his enablers here, though I’m sure there are others whom I’ve overlooked. But if there is not a radical change in the makeup of the House and Senate next November, then we have only ourselves to blame.

That didn’t take long.

The price of Trump’s palatial ballroom, no doubt to feature plenty of gold, was originally priced at $200 million but in the few weeks since it was first announced, the cost as already risen by 50 percent, to $300 MILLION.

Could Trump’s tariffs be behind the increase?

No matter. It’s all being paid for by private donors.

Kinda like Mexico’s paying for the wall, right?

Well, maybe so, maybe not. The White House has released the donor list for the structure. Of course, the Epstein files still haven’t been released.

Following is the complete list of donors, though the White House conveniently omitted the amounts pledged by each of the sycophants:

• Altria Group, Inc.
• Amazon
• Apple
• Booz Allen Hamilton
• Caterpillar, Inc.
• Coinbase
• Comcast Corporation
• J. Pepe and Emilia Fanjul
• Hard Rock International
• Google
• HP Inc.
• Lockheed Martin
• Meta Platforms
• Micron Technology
• Microsoft
• NextEra Energy, Inc.
• Palantir Technologies Inc.
• Ripple
• Reynolds American
• T-Mobile
• Tether America
• Union Pacific Railroad
• Adelson Family Foundation
• Stefan E. Brodie
• Betty Wold Johnson Foundation
• Charles and Marissa Cascarilla
• Edward and Shari Glazer
• Harold Hamm
• Benjamin Leon Jr.
• The Lutnick Family
• The Laura & Isaac Perlmutter Foundation
• Stephen A. Schwarzman
• Konstantin Sokolov
• Kelly Loeffler and Jeff Sprecher
• Paolo Tiramani
• Cameron Winklevoss
• Tyler Winklevoss

Most of the donors appear to be individuals as opposed to corporations, though there are a few of those, as well.

You can bet the farm that those people/corporations are not writing checks out of the goodness of their hearts. It’s either because Agent Orange us using political leverage or because the donors want something in return.

Take Lockheed Martin, for example. Do you reckon they are going to get their contribution back in spades by fudging just a bit on their federal contracts?

Google, Microsoft, Meta, Apple, Amazon, T-Mobile, et al? They aren’t in the habit of being benevolent without expecting something in return.

And let’s not forget the CHEETO BANDITO’s demand that the federal government pay him $230 million to cover his costs in defending the investigations of his hoarding classified documents and a few other violations. Remember, Cadet Bone Spurs said the bulk of the cost of the ballroom would be paid by him, with no cost to taxpayers – like perhaps, $230 million?

Now we just have to brace ourselves for the next cost estimate increase.

Do you like shell games?

You know, that’s the con game where something is placed under one of three shells and the con artist shuffles the shells (or cups; sometimes it’s cups) and you place a buck down to guess which shell the object is under. If you’re correct, you win money. If not, you lose your dollar and invariably, the sucker always loses his dollar.

Well, in reading two separate news stories today, I see that Don “the Con” Trump is up to his old tricks and the American public, as a group, is the sucker.

The first story, from the BBC poses the question of who will pay for Trump’s gaudy $250 MILLION BALLROOM

The second story, from The Guardian, carried headline that said, “TRUMP SAYS HE HAS FINAL SAY ON PAYING HIMSELF $230 MILLION FOR PAST INVESTIGATIONS.”

Now, let’s run the numbers.

In that BBC story, Trump said anonymous donors would be willing to spend some $20 million on the ballroom’s construction and that he (Cadet Bon Spurs) would “personally” pay for a significant portion of the construction cost.

Let’s see, the estimated total cost is $250 million. “Anonymous donors” will chip in about $20 million. That leaves $230 million for Trump to pay.

Now, how much does he say the federal guvmint owe him for those investigations, Oh, yes, it was $230 million, wasn’t it? My, what a coincidence.

A PBS STORY quoted the Trumpster as saying “no public money will be spent on the ballroom.”

So, where does the $230 he says he is owed come from if not the public?

But perhaps we should ask such questions because TACO Don also said “nothing would be demolished during construction,” yet, we’re already seeing the razing of the East Wing.

AFTER

Welcome to mathematics 101 in Trumpworld. Not as bad as lowering drug prices by “1500 PERCENT”  or the “300 MILLION DEATHS” from drug overdoses last year – but bad, nonetheless.