Louisiana Voice

As Republicans wrestle with the meaning of the terms “woke” (not one in 10 can accurately define what the word means), “CRT,” and “grooming,” censorship and the attempt to force-feed moral standards continue unabated. It conjures up the famous declaration of former New Orleans Mayor Martin Behrman who said in 1917 of the federal efforts to shut down prostitution in the city, “You can make it illegal, but you can’t make it unpopular.”

In Florida, a school principal was forced to RESIGN  after parents, ignorant of art in general and Michelangelo in particular, raised holy hell over the display of the artist’s classic sculpture of David – after which everyone went home to watch 50 Shades of Grey, Eyes Wide Shut, or The Wolf of Wall Street. (Well, somebody was watching those movies, right?)

Now that the issue of book content in public libraries has become the issue du jour, it seems a good time to reveal a recent LouisianaVoice informal poll taken at meetings of the Livingston Parish Council where the burning issue of library books held sway over such trivial issues as flood control and impassable roads and highways where small cars could disappear into the abyss of a pothole from hell.

Fully 73 percent of those polled declared that they did not think President Barack Obama did enough to aid the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Even more interesting, 87 percent got their dander up when I broached the idea that President Biden had announced that he would mandate that the U.S. rely solely on the Arabic numbering system, beginning in 2024.

The response to that scenario was instant and downright hostile. One woman declared that she was “against anything Biden wanted,” so I asked her what she did with her pandemic stimulus check. She gave me a blank stare, so I rephrased the question: “Did you send your check back?” Still no response.

Another person, a man who is a member of the parish governing council, replied with a question of his own: “What’s wrong with the system we have?” he asked indignantly before adding, “I don’t know how to respond to that. I’ll have to study it first.”

Respondents almost unanimously (97 percent) literally bristled when I asked them how they felt about Hunter Biden receiving $2 billion from Saudi Arabia in 2022. “He oughta go to jail,” spat one of those present to protest the perceived easy access of certain books by children. I never bothered to inform him that it was Jared Kushner, not Hunter Biden, who received the $2 billion from the Saudi Investment Fund. Oh well, details, details.

Maybe they would’ve recognized the bogus questions if they ever visited a library to read newspapers and news magazines.

But more important than all that, now comes the news that 39 of the 50 states, including Louisiana, may be forced to tear down their phallic-shaped state capitol buildings and build new, less objectionable ones.

Lunatics Gone Big Time Quirky (LGBTQ) has launched a nationwide movement to remove all phallic-shaped buildings from the landscape in order to protect the delicate eyes of youngsters who might accidentally look up from their cellphones and see sone of these structures that LGBTQ says might pollute and otherwise corrupt young minds.

It’s somewhat interesting that the state political leaders would tend to erect (no pun intended) phallic-shaped buildings in which to conduct state business. It’s somewhat indicative (again, no pun intended) of what the legislators do to the citizenry when they’re in session.

It’s also no coincidence that the title of the Biggest D**k goes to none other than good ol’ Looezeana, whose phallic capitol building towers an impressive 450 feet.

Louisiana State Capitol

Nebraska is second at 400 feet (maintaining its phallic shape despite having a unicameral legislature), followed by another state of many gigantic d**ks, Florida, whose capitol building stands at 322 feet. The domed House and Senate chambers on either side only serve to accent the current abundance of Florida’s d**ks within.

Florida State Capitol

The cost of the new, more modest State Capitol building in Baton Rouge is expected to exceed $480 million, not including graft and kickbacks. Disguised as legitimate cost overruns (as more politicians demand their take), that could escalate the cost by as high as an additional $1 billion – or more, depending on how creative the pols are at fooling the feds.

But Louisiana and Florida state capitols aside, all the suggestive capitol buildings may be history if LGBTQ has its way. Each of those 39 state capitols, as well as hundreds, perhaps thousands, of similarly-endowed structures may be on the LGBTQ chopping block (okay, bad choice of words).

Florida legislators, in anticipation of action by Gov. Rhonda Santis, have already begun preparing legislation to construct a giant fig leaf to cover the State Capitol building in Tallahassee, a project that could rival the cost of a new Louisiana structure given the fact that the state elected Rick Scott first as governor and then US senator despite his having presided over a company that was found guilty of 14 felony violations and fined $1.7 billion for ripping off Medicare, Medicaid. Graft obviously isn’t just tolerated in Florida, it’s encouraged.

Alternative to constructing a new Florida Capitol Building

Florida legislators and Rhonda Santis are also moving forward on an even more ambitious campaign to superimpose a map of the state over the statue of David to cover that 520-year-old marble appendage that has caused such an uproar – even though such a move will undoubtedly present David as considerably more conspicuously endowed (unless lawmakers choose a much smaller map), but will still be better than a map of say, Tennessee or, heaven forbid, Idaho or New Hampshire.

Florida’s solution to the unacceptable statue of David.

Unacceptable Substitutes

In Florida public schools, math books have been purged of controversial material, history book references to slavery and civil rights were expunged, and all English grammar books have been edited to delete any mention (or use) of periods. The same prohibitions are also being considered for colons and dangling participles.

Meanwhile, the Hyde Park Obelisk in Sydney, Australia, has already been fitted with a giant pink condom to conceal the obviously lewd phallic edifice. That should deflect attention from the suggestive obelisk, which will have its name officially changed to “Buildo” in order to comply with the anticipated demands of LGBTQ.

Sydney’s Hyde Park Obelisk in all its lewdness (above) and covered by a condom (below)

In addition to the suggestive buildings, LGBTQ is also targeting several cities and towns, including Dry Prong, Grosse Tete, Bunkie, Hardwood, and Waterproof in Louisiana, as well as a host of other cities in the US and Europe: Slickpoo, Idaho; Mud Butte, South Dakota; Climax, Georgia; Intercourse, Pennsylvania; Nellie’s Nipples, California; Weiner, Arkansas; Titty-Ho street in Raunds, Wellingborough, England; Bitchfield, Lincolnshire, England; Muff, County Donegal, Ireland; Sandyballs, Hampshire, England, and Wetwang, England. The Austrian village of F**king, in anticipation of the wave of decency and political correctness (and to reduce the frequency of city sign thefts), changed its name in 2021 to the more acceptable Fugging. Yeah, that should work.

Anyone remember former LSU President F. King Alexander? What were his parents thinking?

Certain Louisiana parishes have not escaped the attention of LGBTQ, either. Catahoula Parish could conjure up mental images of cat houses, which could cause irreparable damage to the psyche of young children. Morehouse sounds a lot like…well, you know. And the last syllable of Natchitoches could be mistaken for “tush,” so it has to be changed forthwith as does Tangipahoa, for the same reason: “Hoa” could send the wrong message as could the last syllable of Terrebonne. And the middle syllable of Ouachita just isn’t acceptable for young children. Not sure what Calcasieu implies, but it sounds dirty, so it goes, as well. And “Union” can mean only one thing: pre-marital intimacy between impressionable teenagers.

Here are a few other buildings likely to be replaced by more acceptable architectural designs:

On Friday, March 24th, I submitted my application for the open President position at Southeastern Louisiana University, my alma mater.

Numerous colleagues, alumni, and community members have asked me to apply for the position. Prior to the “technology meltdown” and the subsequent questionable leadership in handling of the “hack,” I had no intention of applying for this prominent position. But now I am persuaded to apply. The University—OUR UNIVERSITY—needs strong grassroots leadership. I am answering the call to service.

I came to Southeastern as a high school dropout. As an 18-year-old, I took the GED on campus in the Summer of 1988 and enrolled as a freshman student a few weeks later. Southeastern gave me an emergency student loan and a Federal Pell Grant. I was very involved on campus as a leader, thrusting me into a variety of leadership roles ever since. Truly, nothing good has happened to me apart from Southeastern.

For over 30 years I have served Southeastern in one capacity or another, from student worker to full professor. Indeed, I was President of the Faculty Senate and won the University’s highest award twice, once for artistic activity and again for service. I love Sims Memorial Library and Southeastern. I would like nothing more than to continue to lead in this setting. I have a distinct leadership style and vision. My approach is LOUISIANA STRONG, LOUISIANA BOLD.

On day one, as President of Southeastern Louisiana University, I will begin the process of implementing a clear strategic agenda with my 15-Point Plan: 

1. I will have 4 priorities: Enrollment, Funding, Student Mental Wellness, and Campus Free Speech. Aggressive recruitment of students 24/7/365. Fight for funding from the Louisiana Legislature for raises and deferred maintenance. All hands on deck for a campus culture promoting kindness, empathy, and awareness of mental health. Make the University a Free Speech Zone.

2. I will schedule an open press conference on the Southeastern Internet shutdown. Will answer all questions within my legal right to do so.

3. I will move into the President’s Home and will actually live there with my family. I will only serve as President for 5 years.

4. I will have regularly scheduled open-door events for any student, staff, faculty, or community member to drop by and talk about a campus issue.

5. I will eat weekly meals in the cafeteria and host an open table for anyone to join me.

6. I will host a monthly call-in show on radio and online: “The State of Southeastern.”

7. I will appoint a committee to remove Southeastern from the AAUP Censure List.

8. I will appoint a task force to put KSLU 90.9 FM back on the airwaves. Will have the station broadcasting by September 1, 2023.

9. I will appoint a committee to plan the “CB Forgotston Free Speech Forum,” and I will fund the speakers’ fees personally. Forum to be held bi-weekly during the Fall 2023.

10. I will sign an executive order for all campus employees (including student workers) to make $11 an hour as a minimum campus wage. Effective August 15, 2023.

11. I will propose renaming the Department of Communication the Robin Roberts School of Communication.

12. I will propose renaming the Department of Music to the Bill Evans School of Musical Arts.

13. I will reestablish the Southeastern Social Science Research Center and will propose to rename it the Professor C. Howard Nichols Louisiana Research Center.

14. I will propose naming the Athletic Training Program the Robert “Doc” Goodwin Athletic Training Program.

15. I will launch a contest-campaign to find a second family dog and have students name him or her. This will be a fundraiser for student athletic scholarships.

In closing, I would be grateful for your support and welcome your feedback. There is no place more important to me than Southeastern Louisiana University.

Dayne Sherman lives in Ponchatoula. He can be reached at daynesherman@yahoo.com.

Rep. Danny McCormick is a damned fool.

That’s the only way to describe a man who uses his six-year-old granddaughter as justification for allowing anyone 18 and older to carry handguns without permits – or training.

McCormick has filed House Bill 131 – for the fourth consecutive year – which would allow adults over the age of 18 to not only carry concealed handguns without permits, but to do so without the currently required training.

McCormick, a Repugnantcans from Oil City, absurdly and thoughtlessly cited the proficiency of his six-year-old granddaughter, who he said used an AR-15 rifle to kill her first deer last year, as the pseudo-sound reasoning behind his bill.

He asked the not-so-rhetorical question, “Why don’t we trust law-abiding citizens with their Second Amendment rights?” in supporting his bill.

Well, first of all, Mr. McCormick, if you give blanket approval such as you advocate, what possible assurance do you have that everyone who takes advantage of this new-found freedom will be a “law-abiding citizen,” as you so eloquently put it?

The Nashville shooter at the Covenant School was “law-abiding,” until yesterday, when she wasn’t anymore.

Secondly, you seem hellbent on defending citizens’ Second Amendment rights while your fellow Rethugnicans, from Rhonda Santis all the way down to frothing-at-the-mouth parish council members embark on a concerted effort to weaken First Amendment rights – or abolish them altogether.

At least some modicum of consistency is called for here, Mr. Second Amendment Rights Legislator. The mob that once called itself the Party of Lincoln is determined to gut women’s rights, voting rights, education curricula, LGBTQ rights, civil liberties, and First Amendment guarantees of free assembly (see Atlanta), free press (see Rhonda Santis in Florida and numerous parish councils in Louisiana).

In fact, the Repugnantcan Party has not seen a single right that we take for granted, which are promised us in the US Constitution’s Bill of Rights, that it not in favor of striking down – including an actual proposal by a Florida legislator to abolish the Democratic Party.

Except, of course, the precious Second Amendment. CAN’T TOUCH THIS is the mantra of the Repugnantcan Party when its faithful aren’t pausing to offer thoughts and prayers for the victims of yet another mass shooting.

But when all is said and done, I haven’t heard of a single drag queen show fatality. I can’t say the same for guns.

The best thing I can say for McCormick’s bill is, in the words of so many Repugnantcans when the subject of gun control is raised, now is not the time for the discussion. But when you think about it, and if you’re truly honest with yourself, you have to ask the single burning question:

When is the time?

This is the Christmas card of U.S. Rep. Andy Ogles and family. He’s the congressman who represents the school where the children were slaughtered in Nashville on Monday. Like George Santos, he sported a creatively embellished CV until nosy news reporters started doing background checks. Only then did he update his online bio.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Ogles

I’m sure he will have thoughts and prayers.

John Georges may be about to strike again and that would be good news for the people of northwest Louisiana who still like the feel of a real newspaper in their hands.

You see, The Shreveport Times, for whom I wrote in my formative and naïve early journalism career, once boasted a daily circulation of somewhere north of 100,000 and a Sunday circulation of something like 150,000.

What’s more, The Times, under the leadership of Executive Editor Raymond McDaniel, boasted an investigative team – it was called the Enterprise Team – headed by Marsha Shuler that was second to none in Louisiana – including the Baton Rouge Advocate and State-Times or the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

There was also the Shreveport Journal, the afternoon competition to The Times that, at its peak had a daily circulation of 40,000 (it did not publish on Sundays). Its circulation shrunk to about 16,000 before finally doing what all afternoon papers were doing – calling it quits in March 1991.

Meanwhile, The Times was sold to Gannett, which publishes USA Today (along with the Monroe Morning World and News-Star), for a whopping $54.4 million and the budget cuts began almost immediately. Newsrooms across the board at Gannett publications, The Times included, were sacrificed on the altar of bottom lines. In the five-year period from 2012 to 2016 saw The Times circulation shrink even further each year, from 36,000 daily and 47,500 Sundays to 25,300 daily and a paltry 31,700 Sundays.

As newsrooms were shrunken, so were the circulation figures. At The Times, for the five-year period from 2012-2016, circulation dropped from 35,962 for daily and 47,490 for Sunday in 2012 to 25,324 daily and 31,702 Sunday. Its news content became a joke with only a lone general assignment reporter, one entertainment, and a single sports reporter.

For those of us who grew up in the business, it’s sad to see an industry you love taken down this way, leaving readers dependent on internet news that’s unreliable at best and pure garbage at worse.

Sportswriter Nico Van Thyn, a native of Shreveport and former writer for both the Journal and The Times (retired from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram), wrote about the DEARTH OF NEWSPAPER REPORTING way back in 2017. Little has changed since his critique of the abysmal decline in good reporting six years ago, except if anything, it’s gotten worse. The Times today more resembles a high school publication than the professional newspaper of its prime when owned by the Ewing family.

And so it was, according to LSU-Shreveport associate professor Jeff Sadow (with whom I seldom agree on any political subject) WROTE RECENTLY for The Hayride blog that Advocate publisher John Georges, who has already invaded other Louisiana markets in head-to-head competition with existing papers (New Orleans, Lafayette, Lake Charles), has come sniffing around Shreveport with an eye to encroaching on that market as well.

That would be a decided advantage for the news vacuum that exists in the Caddo-Bossier area. A Baton Rouge Advocate retiree related the story of visiting a friend in Shreveport where she learned of a pending tax election scheduled for the following Saturday. Curious, she called The Times and asked a reporter to explain what the tax would be for. The reporter, incredulously, didn’t even know about the election.

The call was terminated but a few minutes later, the reporter called back to ask if she could interview the Baton Rouge resident about the election in Shreveport.

The downside to a Shreveport Advocate, of course, would be the concentration of so much influence in the hands of one individual. Georges’ publications already shy away from hard reporting on the relationship between LSU and gambling interests.

Of course, Georges’ ties to organized gambling have been KNOWN for several years and DOCUMENTED again as recently as last December.

That should be a red flag for journalism purists, but on balance, the advantage of a new kid on the news reporting block outweighs the disadvantages.