Andy Borowitz is a writer who has a unique gift of taking just about any subject and writing a brief parody.
A reader sent me a great Borowitz headline today: “Olympic Update: Trump wins gold in downhill Presidency.”
As such things often do, it got me to thinking. Why not expand on that theme and allow a few other notables to participate in the Political Olympics? Accordingly, here are a few to consider:
Ass-kissing Sycophantic Luge: John Kennedy and Mike Johnson are the early favorites for the Gold and Silver, respectively, with Jeff Landry expected to do no better than the Bronze. Bill Cassidy commits costly foul early in the competition and never really gets back in the race. Clay Higgins gets lost on the way to starting line.
Ice Skating over Dead Bodies Double Axel: Kristi Noem is a slam-dunk for the Gold, with a scramble for the Silver between Greg Bovino, Elon Musk and Kash Patel.
Opponent Attack Ad Freestyle: Bill Cassidy, for his catchy attempted knockdown of Julia Letlow, captures the Gold–his only runaway win in the Olympics.
Cold-hearted, Contemptable Stare-Down: Stephen Miller and Melania Trump in a dead-heat for the Gold. Kristi Noem would have been a pick for the Bronze, but she had entered the Puppy Shoot which is being held simultaneous to the Stare-Down.
What Am I Doing Here Shuffle: Karoline Leavitt, Tulsi Gabbard and Pam Bondi duke it out for the Gold with JD Vance clinging to an outside shot at the Bronze—a bronzed sofa, that is.
Making America Sick Open: Robert F. Kennedy, of course, wins the Gold, followed by Ralph Abraham for the Silver and Sen. Bill Cassidy picking up that coveted Bronz.
Along for the Ride Freeload: Donnie, Jr., Eric, Ivanka and Jared Kushner vie for the Gold. There is no Silver or Bronze.
Grifting: Can anyone even compete with Cankle Ankles for the Gold to match the gaudy décor of the Oval Office, his FIFA Peace Award or the Bronze to match his spatula-applied makeup?
It’s difficult to improve on Borowitz, but those are my selections. You may have a few of your own to add to the list.
Louisiana Voice 
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