ANNOUNCING A NEW LOUISIANAVOICE CONTEST:
Some of our readers may remember way back in January when LouisianaVoice launched a little contest to name the road to the Assumption Parish sinkhole. Because of other stories that broke in quick succession, we somehow managed to forget to name a winner.
It’s not that we had this called to our attention by our oversight committee; we’re really not that organized. It’s simply that we’re conducting another contest and someone told us we need to declare a winner of the Bayou Corne access road contest first.
There were some great entries and many were quite original and there were a few duplications. But for pure originality, we have to go with Bectrob and her entry: Don Ho Road. She chose that name because of the “Tiny Bubbles” in Bayou Corne (Tiny Bubbles being the late Hawaiian singer’s theme song).
Bectrob has been contacted to provide an address where we can send 25 of our bumper stickers.
Now for our next contest:
As many Louisianans know, Gov. Bobby Jindal has made it quite clear that he intends to see that all schools rated “D” and “F” are turned over to charter operations in an effort to improve those schools’ performances.
Without going into the merits (or lack thereof) of the grading system utilized in determining those grades, we thought it most interesting to see this week that Jindal’s approval rating had dipped below that of President Obama in Louisiana, according to results of a poll conducted by Southern Media Research.
For a decidedly Red State like Louisiana, that should be doubly embarrassing for Jindal, whose approval rating among women voters has gone into a free fall.
That poll was based on the results of 600 interviews.
NOLA.com, however, is conducting its own online poll and the results show that 88.19 percent of the 966 responses give Jindal a grade of “D” or “F.”
The breakdown thus far is 757 (78.36 percent) gave him an “F” and 95 (9.83 percent) awarded him a “D.” Only 41 (4.24 percent) give him an “A,” and just 43 (4.45 percent) give him a “B.” The remaining 30 (3.11 percent) give him a ho-hum “C.”
That’s pretty much in line with the 9 percent who voted for him in that C-PAC poll in Washington a couple of weeks ago, tying him for 8th place with Sarah Palin in the conservative Republicans’ choice for the 2016 president nomination.
So now, applying Jindal’s own criteria to his latest poll numbers, it appears that he’s out and we’re going to have to appoint a charter governor for Louisiana to replace the current failing administration.
But who to get? Hmm, that’s a tough question. Perhaps some graduate of a five-week crash course offered by Govern for America or the Ely Board Academy which, we’re told, offers a six-weekend course over a 10-month period to qualify to serve as governor. Either way, the incoming governor would not be held accountable and would not have to be certified. That’s a radical departure from the norm, for anyone can readily see that Jindal is certainly certifiable.
The only fair way is to do it the way the Department of Education does it: take applications from those wishing to apply for the position of charter governor.
We will restrict the candidates to characters of popular movies and television shows. Here are a few candidates we’ve come up with provide you with a little inspiration:
• Carl Spackler (Bill Murray’s character in the movie Caddyshack);
• Randall Patrick McMurphy (Jack Nicholson, in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest);
• Barney Fife (though, in truth, the Don Knotts character from The Andy Griffith Show, on the few occasions he wore his serge suit on the show, was both spiffier and beefier than Jindal);
• Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci, in My Cousin Vinny);
• Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro, in Taxi Driver);
• Capt. Clarence Oveur (Peter Graves, in Airplane!—in deference to a very good friend of ours);
• Gov. William J. Lepetomane (Mel Brooks, in Blazing Saddles);
• Felix Unger (Jack Lemmon, in the movie version of The Odd Couple or Tony Randall, in the TV series);
• Col. Frank Burns (Robert Duvall, in the movie version of M*A*S*H or Larry Linville, from the TV series);
• Police Chief Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand, in Fargo);
• Eunice Burns (Madeline Kahn, in What’s Up Doc?);
• The Warden (Strother Martin, in Cool Hand Luke—He was never given a name in the movie);
• Gov. Willie Stark (Broderick Crawford, in All the King’s Men—the thinly disguised story of Huey Long);
• Edith Bunker (Jean Stapleton, in All in the Family);
• John “Bluto” Blutarsky (John Belushi, in Animal House);
• Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase, in National Lampoon’s Family Vacation).
As bonus points, we will even accept nominations for a movie or TV show that best epitomizes or exemplifies the Jindal administration.
Some ideas to get you started:
• Plan Nine from Outer Space (The consensus worst movie ever made: aka the Jindal tax plan);
• Terror of Tiny Town (You just have to see this one to draw the obvious comparison);
• Ishtar (See Plan Nine);
• Waterworld (aka Fishtar; See Plan Nine and Ishtar);
• Gilligan’s Island (Stranded, marooned, lost, hopeless; all apt terms, but who would play Ginger?)
• Green Acres (The only intelligent character on the show was Arnold the Pig, but we can’t find anyone in the administration with the IQ to play his part);
• Little Big Man (Included only by virtue of the title).
So get those nominations in. The winner gets 20 very special Jindal business cards that are certain to be a hit at any gathering of state employees.